Difference between revisions of "19th century"

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(1841 to 1850)
(1811 to 1820)
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*'''1809''' – USA's [[Congress]] passes the [[wikipedia:Non-Intercourse Act (1809)|Non-Intercourse Act]] to prevent international hanky-panky in high places.  
 
*'''1809''' – USA's [[Congress]] passes the [[wikipedia:Non-Intercourse Act (1809)|Non-Intercourse Act]] to prevent international hanky-panky in high places.  
 
*'''1809''' – Battle of Wagram between the French and Austrians. Napoleon wins and signs the Austrian surrender terms in his own wigwam. 'I have wigwamed them at Wagram' boasts the coarse Corsican.
 
*'''1809''' – Battle of Wagram between the French and Austrians. Napoleon wins and signs the Austrian surrender terms in his own wigwam. 'I have wigwamed them at Wagram' boasts the coarse Corsican.
 +
*'''1809''' – [[Abraham Lincoln]] and [[Charles Darwin]] are born on the same day. (12th February). They later became ink pen friends later. One was later assassinated, the other became a recluse.
 
*'''1809''' – A British army sent to support the Spanish do a runner when faced by superior French forces. British general Sir John Moore takes the literal bullet for his failure.
 
*'''1809''' – A British army sent to support the Spanish do a runner when faced by superior French forces. British general Sir John Moore takes the literal bullet for his failure.
  
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*'''1815''' – [[Battle of Waterloo]]. Napoleon misses his carriage connection in [[Belgium]] and has luggage stolen by the British and Prussians.
 
*'''1815''' – [[Battle of Waterloo]]. Napoleon misses his carriage connection in [[Belgium]] and has luggage stolen by the British and Prussians.
 
*'''1816''' – [[James Monroe]] elected USA President. The first transvestite to win an election, James insists everyone call him '[[Marilyn Manson|Marilyn]]'.  
 
*'''1816''' – [[James Monroe]] elected USA President. The first transvestite to win an election, James insists everyone call him '[[Marilyn Manson|Marilyn]]'.  
*'''1817''' – [[Jane Austen]] dies before she can finish her last bo...   
+
*'''1817''' – [[Jane Austen]] dies before she can finish her last book ''Jane Austen's Home Truths Cook Book''.   
 
*'''1818''' – Publication of Mary Shelley's book ''[[Frankenstein]]''. Launch party is held in a church crypt. [[Lord Byron]] comes dressed as man with a bolt through his neck.
 
*'''1818''' – Publication of Mary Shelley's book ''[[Frankenstein]]''. Launch party is held in a church crypt. [[Lord Byron]] comes dressed as man with a bolt through his neck.
 
*'''1819''' – Battle of Peterloo. The British army beat an army of French-financed radicals demanding they be given the vote in elections.
 
*'''1819''' – Battle of Peterloo. The British army beat an army of French-financed radicals demanding they be given the vote in elections.
Line 49: Line 50:
 
*'''1821''' – Death of Napoleon in St. Helena. He is buried next to the vegetable garden in his house/prison on the island. Funeral is attended by four men and a stray dog.  
 
*'''1821''' – Death of Napoleon in St. Helena. He is buried next to the vegetable garden in his house/prison on the island. Funeral is attended by four men and a stray dog.  
 
*'''1822''' – British Foreign Secretary Lord Castleraugh fatally cuts his own throat in a shaving accident. Lord Byron sends a wreath of weeds to the family as a celebration.
 
*'''1822''' – British Foreign Secretary Lord Castleraugh fatally cuts his own throat in a shaving accident. Lord Byron sends a wreath of weeds to the family as a celebration.
 +
*'''1823''' – Religious leader [[Mormon|Joseph Smith]] claims an angel showed him the Golden Plates containing a story about a pre-Columbian civilisation in the [[USA]]. They talk about a chosen race of white men who all looked and talked like [[Mitt Romney]].
 
*'''1824''' – Lord Byron goes on holiday to [[Greece]] to take part in a war. He dies a heroic death after catching a fever swimming in dirty water.  
 
*'''1824''' – Lord Byron goes on holiday to [[Greece]] to take part in a war. He dies a heroic death after catching a fever swimming in dirty water.  
 
*'''1824''' – A confusing USA presidential election with one party - the [[Democratic Party|Democrats]] - providing all the candidates. No one wins outright so the final decision is decided by a game of musical chairs. [[John Quincy Adams]] wins.
 
*'''1824''' – A confusing USA presidential election with one party - the [[Democratic Party|Democrats]] - providing all the candidates. No one wins outright so the final decision is decided by a game of musical chairs. [[John Quincy Adams]] wins.
 +
*'''1824''' – Former Emperor of Mexico Agustin Iturbide (Imperial Gus) is executed by firing squad. Mexicans so like this performance art, they repeat it again in 1867 with a different guy.
 
*'''1825''' – George Stephenson's ''Rocket Man'' locomotive  opens the first railway line for paying passengers is opened between Stockton and Darlington in England. Passengers have to bring their own umbrellas as the carriages have no roofs.  
 
*'''1825''' – George Stephenson's ''Rocket Man'' locomotive  opens the first railway line for paying passengers is opened between Stockton and Darlington in England. Passengers have to bring their own umbrellas as the carriages have no roofs.  
 
*'''1825''' – Tsar Alexander I of Russia leaves the imperial capital of St. Petersburg for a 'long trip'. He disappears. Russian authorities later claim he died somewhere near the [[Black Sea]] but rumours persist Alexander went mad and now lives in a cave as an unshaven hermit.
 
*'''1825''' – Tsar Alexander I of Russia leaves the imperial capital of St. Petersburg for a 'long trip'. He disappears. Russian authorities later claim he died somewhere near the [[Black Sea]] but rumours persist Alexander went mad and now lives in a cave as an unshaven hermit.

Revision as of 23:18, 11 October 2019

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This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.

Represented here are the time periods from 1801 to 1900.




Rule Britannia.

The 19th century is when the world learned the words to Rule Britannia. It was the century that started off with Napoleon I annexing most of Europe to a French Empire and ended with a united Germany and the emergence of the USA as the money bags depository of the world.

It was the century of imperialism, industrialisation and the invention of cheap pornography. There was a move to incorporate more people into the business of ballot box stuffing, otherwise known as democracy. It was also a century that saw Queen Victoria have her name added from anything to train stations, waterfalls and a desolate part of Australia. Everyone became a Victorian. This was also the time when people of European descent considered themselves superior to everyone else, even if your civilisation (see China) pre-dated everyone. It no longer mattered. They were the wrong type of people.

Chronology

1801 to 1810

  • 1801United Kingdom has a new name change to 'United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland etc. etc. etc. Irish promised freebies if they agree to this union but discover they cannot stand for parliament if they are still a 'filthy papist'.
  • 1801 – Tsar Paul I is killed in a conspiracy involving his generals. The emperor is run through with a sword and then trampled to death. Russians are told Paul's death was caused by septicemia from rusty steel.
  • 1801Thomas Jefferson takes office as USA's president. Now he has to run the state he largely created.
  • 1801Aaron Burr shoots Alexander Hamilton for his lousy taste in musicals.
  • 1802 – Treaty of Amiens between Britain and France is a two you time-out in a war that had started in 1794. Oranges and sponges provided for refreshment.
  • 1803 – Jefferson and James Madison buy Louisiana from France. Native Americans are not given the option of buying their own freedom.
  • 1804Napoleon I self promotes to become 'Emperor of the French and the Master of Garlic'.
  • 1805Battle of Trafalgar. Horatio Nelson sinks Napoleon's fleet in one giant bath tub but loses his footing and drowns clutching on to the soap dish.
  • 1806 – British Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger becomes William Pitt the Deader.
  • 1805 – Battle of Austerlitz. Napoleon takes the Austrians and Russians to the military cleaners. Napoleon celebrates with a three day brandy hangover.
  • 1806Holy Roman Empire abolished. Voltaire said it was neither 'Holy, Roman or an Empire'. Now it is nothing.
  • 1806 – Battle of Jena. Napoleon takes it out on the Prussians. However his lieutenant Marshal Davout beats a larger Prussian army than his boss. Napoleon claims all the glory regardless.
  • 1807 – Abolition of the Slave Trade by the British. You can still keep your slaves, just don't move them around so much.
  • 1807 – Napoleon meets Czar Alexander I on a raft in the middle of a river. First one to swim back to his own side wins the contest. Napoleon cheats again.
  • 1807 – The British fleet bombard the Danish capital Copenhagen to stop the flood of 'scandi-noir' dismal television dramas. Fail.
  • 1808 – Napoleon deposes the Spanish Royal family to get his grubby hands on their empire. The Spanish rebel and turn to Francisco Goya to illustrate the struggle.
  • 1809 – USA's Congress passes the Non-Intercourse Act to prevent international hanky-panky in high places.
  • 1809 – Battle of Wagram between the French and Austrians. Napoleon wins and signs the Austrian surrender terms in his own wigwam. 'I have wigwamed them at Wagram' boasts the coarse Corsican.
  • 1809Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin are born on the same day. (12th February). They later became ink pen friends later. One was later assassinated, the other became a recluse.
  • 1809 – A British army sent to support the Spanish do a runner when faced by superior French forces. British general Sir John Moore takes the literal bullet for his failure.

1811 to 1820

  • 1811King George III finally goes permanently off the loop and is declared legally 'bananas'.
  • 1812 – Napoleon invades Russia as Ludwig van Beethoven had promised him a symphony.
  • 1812Canada's planned invasion of the USA is thwarted by the Americans declaring war on Britain.
  • 1812 – Assassination of British Prime Minister Spencer Perceval by an early believer of the Deep State conspiracy.
  • 1813 – Napoleon defeated at the Battle of Leipzig. Retreats to Paris for a big sulk.
  • 1814 – Napoleon abdicates in favour of his son Napoleon II. Baby Boney is three years old.
  • 1815 – General Andrew Jackson defeats the British at the Battle of New Orleans. Invention of 'Cajun Chicken'.
  • 1815Battle of Waterloo. Napoleon misses his carriage connection in Belgium and has luggage stolen by the British and Prussians.
  • 1816James Monroe elected USA President. The first transvestite to win an election, James insists everyone call him 'Marilyn'.
  • 1817Jane Austen dies before she can finish her last book Jane Austen's Home Truths Cook Book.
  • 1818 – Publication of Mary Shelley's book Frankenstein. Launch party is held in a church crypt. Lord Byron comes dressed as man with a bolt through his neck.
  • 1819 – Battle of Peterloo. The British army beat an army of French-financed radicals demanding they be given the vote in elections.
  • 1820 – George III dies. His eldest and fattest son Prince Regent akaGeorgy Porgy becomes King George IV. His first act is to ban his wife Queen Caroline from coming along to his coronation as she would eat all the food.
  • 1820 – The Missouri compromise. The United States extends slavery westwards but also allows the creation of new 'free states'. This is called the 1+1 law.

1821 to 1830

  • 1821 – Death of Napoleon in St. Helena. He is buried next to the vegetable garden in his house/prison on the island. Funeral is attended by four men and a stray dog.
  • 1822 – British Foreign Secretary Lord Castleraugh fatally cuts his own throat in a shaving accident. Lord Byron sends a wreath of weeds to the family as a celebration.
  • 1823 – Religious leader Joseph Smith claims an angel showed him the Golden Plates containing a story about a pre-Columbian civilisation in the USA. They talk about a chosen race of white men who all looked and talked like Mitt Romney.
  • 1824 – Lord Byron goes on holiday to Greece to take part in a war. He dies a heroic death after catching a fever swimming in dirty water.
  • 1824 – A confusing USA presidential election with one party - the Democrats - providing all the candidates. No one wins outright so the final decision is decided by a game of musical chairs. John Quincy Adams wins.
  • 1824 – Former Emperor of Mexico Agustin Iturbide (Imperial Gus) is executed by firing squad. Mexicans so like this performance art, they repeat it again in 1867 with a different guy.
  • 1825 – George Stephenson's Rocket Man locomotive opens the first railway line for paying passengers is opened between Stockton and Darlington in England. Passengers have to bring their own umbrellas as the carriages have no roofs.
  • 1825 – Tsar Alexander I of Russia leaves the imperial capital of St. Petersburg for a 'long trip'. He disappears. Russian authorities later claim he died somewhere near the Black Sea but rumours persist Alexander went mad and now lives in a cave as an unshaven hermit.
  • 1826 – First photograph taken in France by Joseph Nicéphore Niépce. He takes a photo of his roof. This is followed by pictures of his cat, dog and a nude selfie.
  • 1827 – Death of Beethoven. Sorry, forgot he was deaf. DEATH OF BEETHOVEN! Got that Ludwig!?
  • 1828 – The Duke of Wellington appointed British Prime Minister. He hands over a complimentary pair of boots to King George IV to mark the occasion.
  • 1828 – Election of Andrew Jackson as American President. Used to be considered to be one of the most unhinged to ever hold this office until 2016.
  • 1829 – Duke of Wellington challenges Earl of Winchilsea to a duel when the latter accuses 'Old Hooky' of being a secret Catholic who wants to hand England over to the Pope. Wellington takes the first shot and misses. Winchilsea thinks better of killing the Prime Minister and fires into the air and kills a passing pigeon. Honour observed, they retire to a pub for a celebratory drink.
  • 1830 – Tory politician William Huskisson becomes the first casualty of rail travel. He is killed by Thomas the Tank Engine.
  • 1830 – France revolts again, this time against King Charles X. He is replaced by his distant cousin Louis Philippe. Writer Victor Hugo is inspired to pen Les Miserables and turn it into a musical.
  • 1830– Britain sobers up after years of strong gin when Earl Grey becomes Prime Minister and promotes the herbal benefits of of hot tea.

1831 to 1840

  • 1831French Foreign Legion is created. Recruitment posters go out to every prison in Europe, looking for recruits.
  • 1832 – The Great Reform Act. Britain extends vote to people with internal plumbing.
  • 1833Spain's destiny is given to the pudgy hands of Queen Isabella II - aged 3.
  • 1834 – Britain abolishes the Slavery in the British Empire. This is done for commercial reasons. Engines are more efficient.
  • 1835 – Emperor Ferdinand of Austria succeeds his father. A victim of typical Habsburg family inbreeding, Ferdinand suffers from epilepsy, hydrocephaly, neurological problems, and a speech impediment. Ferdinand is an absolute monarch. It's god's will.
  • 1835Edgar Allan Poe marries his 13 year old cousin Virginia Eliza Clemm. Billy-Bob is Best Man. Jerry Lee Lewis plays the piano.
  • 1836 – Second Bank of America loses its position lender of last resort. Americans go back to barter.
  • 1836 - Battle of the Alamo. Jim Bowie takes a knife to a gun fight with the Mexicans whilst Davy Crockett wrestles General Santa Ana's pet alligator in the final scene.
  • 1837Queen Victoria becomes Queen. She is amused.
  • 1837 – ...---... Samuel Morse has a patent for dots and dashes.
  • 1838 – Outbreak of the Pastry War between Mexico and France. King Louis-Philippe orders the French fleet to bombard Veracruz when the Mexicans make fun of 'unmanly croissants'.
  • 1839Charles Dickens first novel Oliver Twist is published. Dickens overlooks the musical potential of his masterpiece, an error corrected 130 years later by Lionel Bart.
  • 1839 – Daguerreotype photography invented. Expose time drops from hours down to minutes. This new 'photo hobby' is popular with those who can afford it and pornographers.
  • 1840 – Victoria marries Prince Albert. He introduces Christmas trees and penile adornment to the British.

1841 to 1850

  • 1841 – President William Henry Harrison cleverly lasts only one month as USA's Commander in Chief. He dies before anyone has time to demand his impeachment.
  • 1842China loses the Opium War against Britain. It is later followed by the Crack Conflict and Opiate Obliteration. China loses them all.
  • 1843 – First blackface show. White people pretending to be black is held in the the Deep South of New York. Next stop, Ottawa.
  • 1844 – Coronation of Oscar I of Sweden and Norway. The ceremony is held in Los Angeles with an unfunny compere performance by Abraham Lincoln.
  • 1845 – Start of the Irish potato famine. Spuds are permanently off the menu. One million die in Ireland, another million move elsewhere, mainly to Boston. The British are blamed for keeping food prices high and refusing to send charity unless the Irish give up Catholicism.
  • 1846Neptune discovered. It had always been there, just hiding behind Uranus.
  • 1846Conservative Party splits on the issue of Free Trade. One half want to wear protection, the rest believe in Lassiez-Faire Free Nookie.
  • 1847 – USA takes Mexico City the NAFTA War. Refuse to leave unless Mexico hands over everything north of the Rio Grande.
  • 1848 – A year of revolutions in Europe. Karl Marx publishes the Communist Manifesto supporting the uprisings. France throws off the monarchy and proclaim the Second Republic. Plenty of aristocrats get itchy neck feelings. Is Madame Guillotine about to go on overdrive?
  • 1848 – Austrian Emperor Ferdinand abdicates and is replaced by a young Franz-Josef. Hungary goes breakaway from Austria. In Frankfurt a German assembly is called to create a new state. Otto von Bismarck loses his trousers after a drinking game.
  • 1848Louis Napoleon elected French President. Term limit - four years. What can go wrong?
  • 1849 – Russians help the Austrians to crush the Hungarian rebels. Tsar Nicholas expects a quid pro quo (see Crimean War).
  • 1849 – The 49ers Californian Gold Rush. Not much gold but plenty of shovel manufacturers, bars and brothels cash in.
  • 1850 - France launches first (working) ironclad warship Napoleon. The British are still building their battleships out of wood!
  • 1850 - Start of the Taiping rebellion in China against the Quing Dynasty. The rebels are lead by Jesus Christ's hitherto unknown younger Chinese brother Hong Xiuquan.

1851 to 1860

  • 1851 - Great Exhibition held in the Crystal Palace, London. It is supposed to be a showcase for British manufacturing but everyone wants to go on the German-made Merry-Go-Round.
  • 1851 - Louis Napoleon leads a coup d'état against the republic that elected him president. French Deep State upset!
  • 1852 - Death of the Duke of Wellington. He is buried with his favourite boots. An offer to chuck in the remains of one of his ex-mistresses is turned down.
  • 1853 - The British trust New Zealand with self government. Australians told they're too immature/a bunch of convicts to get that right.
  • 1853 - Outbreak of the Crimean War. Russia attacks Turkey despite warnings from Britain and France saying they will intervene. Four months later...
  • 1854 - ...Britain and France declare war against Russia.

1861 to 1870

1811 to 1880

1881 to 1890

1891 to 1900

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