Difference between revisions of "Original sin"

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
m (added Category:Sex using HotCat)
Line 5: Line 5:

Latest revision as of 00:51, 24 November 2019

Nuvola apps ktip.png
The writer of this article has become hopelessly, helplessly stuck. If you can lend a hand, give it a push. Or, leave some advice on the talk page.
See other stuck articles in Category:Stuck articles needing a push.
Nuvola apps kopete.png

Original sin is a Christian concept wherein all of mankind shares the sin of Adam and Eve's fall from grace in the Garden of Eden. Mainly used in modern times as an allegory to help explain to children why their pets may not sleep in their bed and why they must never look Daddy straight in the eye while he's eating, original sin originates with the Bishop of Lyons and the Gnostics of the 2nd century. The Gnostics were a wicked, cruel people. Their beards were wild and untamed and they would often roam the streets chanting about bones and the phases of the moon. The Bishop of Lyons wrote a long treatise on the subject of original sin that kept the Gnostics so engrossed that they stayed off the streets for weeks. Eventually, they emerged, blinking at the bright sunlight, and declared that the concept of original sin was so profound that they would speak of bones and the moon no more. And with that, the Gnostics were essentially no more.

Adam and Eve[edit]

The story of original sin, as written by the Bishop of Lyons begins with the virginal figures of Adam and Eve emerging from the dark mud of one of Eden's verdant swamplands. The Bishop was very specific about the layout of Eden, plotting its approximately 43 square kilometers of territory with a surprising level of detail and consistency. What followed were Eve's encounter with the Snake and Eve's temptation of Adam. The temptations grew into increasingly bizarre sexual conquests until the sin had grown to a magnitude noticeable even to God, the great creator.

Eve and the Snake[edit]

Eve had spent the early part of the morning wandering in the part of Eden they had come to know as "the orchard" because of its thick growth of fruit trees. She had fashioned a basket woven from plant fibers and had constructed a strap which fit across her forehead and helped to carry most of the weight of the load. It had been a good morning of picking and though her full, naked thighs were dripping with collected dew from the morning's condensation, her basket was already close to overflowing with a variety of fruits. The sun was nearing its zenith overhead and the temperature was rising rapidly. She headed towards a shady spot to sit and eat some of her fruit.

She found a nice patch of grass and sat down, resting against the weight of the full basket. From the top of the pile, she grabbed a peach and began to eat it, savoring the sweetness and the juice that quenched her thirst.

Eve was beginning to relax, perhaps even drift off into a nap, when she heard a rustling sound behind her and she sat up with a start. Animals weren't uncommon in Eden, but they were seldom sneaky. They would present themselves in very direct and non-threatening ways. Something about the rustling sound was utterly alien to Eve and to the garden itself and it unsettled her.

"I ssssee you've heard me," said a voice like tree leaves sliding over each other. Eve still could not see the speaker, but she was able to spot the movement in the grass.

"Who goes there? Why do you disturb my rest?" asked Eve.

"I am the Snake," said the creature as it glided out of the grass and into view. Eve gasped. She had never seen a legless animal such as this. And though the other animals could also speak, they never did so with such apparently guile and intelligence. If she had developed an ability to guard herself against dangers, she would have prepared to do so.

"Well, greetings, Snake," said Eve with as much geniality as she could muster. "I am Eve. Would you like some fruit?" The animal's eyes seemed to flash and their gaze strayed to the furry place between her legs. But in an instant the look was gone and the snake was looking at her face again.

"I would indeed like some of your fruit. But perhaps you will let me choose from your pickings? I am most particular about my fruit."

"I don't see why not," said Eve. And she moved aside to let the animal slither to the basket to pick its choice of the fruit. It caressed her body as it passed by, and she felt a sharp thrill jolt through her system. It was a very strange and foreign sensation indeed, but not at all unpleasant.

When the Snake had chosen an apple from the heaping basket, it coiled itself, rose up, and began to take quick, striking bites from the fruit.

"Delicioussss," it said, as juice dripped from its mouth. "But there is one other thing you could do for me."

"What is that?" she asked.

"If you would just let me lie on your warm body for a moment, I would be most appreciative. I am rather chilled here in the shade."

Eve was startled and confused by the request, but she saw no harm in it and acquiesced. She lay back and let the animal slither over her hips and onto her belly, where it coiled up again into a tight circle and lay still. Eve lay back as well, and waited. The Snake did not move for a great long while, and eventually Eve fell asleep.

When she awoke, Eve was experiencing strange sensations and her half-remembered dreams were unusually muddled. The Snake was still on top of her body. But now it was coiled far more loosely so that part of it crossed her breasts, and its head ended where her legs began. It was moving slowly around in a great spiral and the sensations of that movement against her skin were like nothing she'd ever known.

"What are you doing and why do I feel so strange?" asked Eve, more curious than alarmed.

"What is so sssstrange?" asked the Snake. "Do you like it?"

"I...I don't know. I guess it's nice. It's very strange, though. What does it mean?" said Eve. She was starting to enjoy the sensation.

"It doesn't have to mean anything, child. It just is. You should relax and enjoy it. You shared your fruit, and now I will share what I have to offer in return. Lay your head back. That'ssss right. Let the Snake share his forbidden fruit with you."

With that, the snake commenced to increase its writhing motion upon the surface of Eve's body. She felt an increasing tingling and warming sensation which seemed to emanate from her core and reach her skin like roots from a tree. The feelings were strongest at the tips of her breasts and around her hips. No, it was more specific than that. The feelings were strongest - perhaps even stemming from - the place between her legs from which she urinated. As if sensing her realization, the Snake slithered there, putting its head at the very top of her slit. She gasped. The feeling was almost overpowering. And it was still growing.

Moments later, Eve found herself barely aware of her surroundings, spreading her legs as far as she could, gripping the headband attached to her basket with all of her might in one hand and crushing a mango to pulp in the other while the Snake switched its tail back and forth across her nipples. Its tongue darted rapidly in and out of its mouth, teasing the hot epicenter of her desire between her thighs. She moaned and thrust her hips into the air as her pleasure mounted.

Flicking rapidly, the Snake gave one last great wriggle upon her body, sending Eve over the tipping point and into a chasm of pleasure. She gasped and moaned and gritted her teeth as she rode out the overwhelming sensations that pulsed through her entire body.

When it was over, she lay exhausted in the grass. The Snake slithered off of her and lay by her side.

"Now you have tasted my fruit. Was it sweet, my dear Eve?"

"So very sweet, Snake. I have never known anything sweeter. And though I may eat all of the fruit in Eden, I don't believe I shall ever find any as wonderful."

"Ah, that is sssssso good to hear. I will leave you now, for it is time for me to hunt for my supper. Remember me, Eve."

"I shall," she said, and sank back into a second slumber.

The Temptation of Adam[edit]

Eve did not speak of her encounter with the Snake when she returned to the valley where she and Adam had made their home in a grove of shade trees. She had unloaded her basket of fruit and they had settled into the normal nighttime routines, building the fire, changing the dried grass for their beds, and improving and mending the thatch canopy that sheltered them from the occasional rain.

After they had eaten, the two settled down for the night, as they always did. They were near to each other, but apart. They never touched in their sleep but for warmth on cold nights. And the nights were very rarely cold in Eden.

It grew dark and Eve lay on her back, watching the stars appear around the silhouette of the canopy. Adam lay breathing heavily several feet away. She could hear him twitch slightly as his body gave in to sleep. Try as she might, Eve could not still her mind and join him in slumber. Something had changed and it was so profound that she was not entirely certain she would ever be able to sleep again.

Eve knew she loved Adam. They had always been together for as long as either of them could remember. They helped each other out and cared for each other. But now it felt to Eve as though something were missing. As if the Snake had both given her something and taken something away. Most of all, Eve longed to somehow share her experience with Adam. But she did not know how.

The night drew on and still Eve could not sleep. She felt as though her eyes did not wish to remain shut. Her body itched sporadically, and her limbs almost ached with a desire to move. The stars circled slowly in the sky and she continued to watch them appear at the edge of her thatch ceiling and disappear behind the trunk of a tree.

A cold breeze drifted into the valley and Eve found herself shivering. They both had woven mats by their beds to use as blankets, and Eve started to pull hers over her naked body. But something stopped her. She pictured herself laying under the scratchy mat, wide awake, waiting out the night in the cold. And suddenly she was taken with the notion that she should go to Adam's side and take warmth from him as if it were the very coldest of nights.

Eve got up, stepped quietly over Adam, and lay down so that her back was to him. His breath was warm on the back of her neck, but still there was a cool space between them. She gently lifted his arm and wrapped it around herself, pushing her body back into his. She had to stifle a sigh. In Adam's unconscious embrace, she suddenly felt completely warm and protected in an entirely new way. Moments later, she was fast asleep.

The next morning, Eve awoke to the brightness of the rising sun. The morning was cool, but the sun's light brought with it a warmth. Adam was still sleeping, and his arm remained exactly where she had left it. Eve closed her eyes and savored the comfort of the morning until Adam began to stir.

He was surprised, naturally enough, to find her there.

"Eve, what are you doing here? Were you cold?"

"I was, Adam. It was very chilly and I could not sleep so I slept by your side," she admitted.

"I am sorry I put my arm on you in my sleep," he said. "I hope I did not disturb your sleep."

"No I...I put it over me, Adam," said Eve. She watched his face for his reaction, but there was nothing.

"Okay. Then that is good." He made to rise, but suddenly Eve was overcome with the need to tell him all that had happened the previous day.

"Adam, something occurred while I was getting the fruit. It was strange and wonderful and I do not know if anything will ever really be the same."

Adam looked startled and he pulled slightly away to prop himself up on an elbow.

"What are you talking about, Eve? What happened?" he asked her.

"I met a strange creature called the Snake. It desired my warmth but then it...did things to my body. And then I felt something I cannot describe because I have never felt anything like it before." The words all tumbled out at once. Adam opened his mouth to speak, but Eve covered his mouth with her hand. His eyes widened, but he remained quiet.

"It felt good, Adam," she continued. "And I think I will want more of it. I think I will need more of it. And most of all, I think I want for you to feel it too because we do everything together and I do not want to experience this alone or only with the Snake." And with that, she also sat up and waited for Adam to respond. There was a long moment of silence as he took it all in. And then he spoke slowly and carefully.

"Eve, I do not know what a Snake is. And I do not know what experiences you are describing. But if it is as important as you say it is, perhaps I should go visit the Snake as well and experience these things as well." He ended with a firm note of resolution. Eve felt gladness fill her.

"Oh, Adam, I am glad to hear that you are willing to experience it as well. But I am not sure we even need the Snake at all. Last night I was cold, it is true. But when I came to your bed, I felt something new. More than just warmth. I think something has changed in me. It is almost as if the Snake has given my body knowledge it did not before have. And now that it knows what it knows, I can experience things with you that I have not before. But I do not pretend that I know what I am to do."

They were both hungry, so they breakfasted. But when that was done, they continued to sit by each other's side and discuss Eve's experiences with the Snake.

"I'm not explaining it well," she said. "It was more than just that. It was a whole new kind of feeling. It was strongest here." Adam gave out a short gasp of air. Eve had reached between his legs and touched his penis. She had never done this before and it gave him a strange new sensation.

"I think I feel it too," said Adam.

"You do?" Eve said with excitement and hope. "Does it feel good?"

"I don't know. Maybe," he replied.

"You would know," she said. "But at least it's a start. What if I do this?" She began to rub her hand in a circular motion over the top of his penis.

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "That is...ah, so incredible. It feels like...well, I don't know. It's so different."

"It's growing!" cried Eve and she stopped touching Adam's penis. As they both watched in amazement, it continued to swell and rise and harden into a shaft as if he had just grown another limb between his legs.

"What is happening to me?" said Adam. "I am afraid, but it feels good, like the feeling I get when I run across the fields."

"I don't know," said Eve. But overcoming her own surprise, she employed her hand again to grasp the shaft and continue stroking it, this time from the base to the tip.

"That feels wonderful," said Adam. "It's still growing harder still. Will it stop?" When Eve let go, he grabbed at her hand and wrapped it firmly back around his manhood. "Don't stop. I don't care what happens now. I had no idea anything could feel like this. I must have more."

When Eve's arm tired, she switched to her other hand and continued. Eventually Adam groaned and his hips bucked off of the ground. A fountain of white fluid shot into the air, spattering them both. Adam let out a long sigh and lay back with his eyes closed. Eve rested on his chest.

"Are you okay? What just happened?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said quietly. "But I know that I did not die. And even if I can never do that again, I will be forever grateful that I could do it once."

Later that night, when they had completed their various tasks, Adam and Eve lay together.

"I cannot stop looking at your body," said Adam.

"Nor I yours," said Eve.

"I look here," he said as he cupped his hands over her breasts. Her nipples hardened instantly. "And I look here," he said and put one hand on her buttock and slipped down her belly and between her legs. Eve moaned and pressed against him.

"I can feel you growing again," said Eve. She grasped his cock and massaged it until it thrust out of his body like the branch of a tree. He put his arm around her and they pressed against each other. Eventually their bodies connected and they made love for the very first time as the stars appeared over the grove of trees in the valley where they lived together in the garden of Eden.