Difference between revisions of "Owl"

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
(Undid revision 2168614 by (talk))
m (Quoticide.)
Line 3: Line 3:
{{Q|NO WAI !!|Oscar Wilde|Owls}}
{{Q|NO WAI !!|Oscar Wilde|Owls}}
{{Q|SRSLY ?!|Jesus|Owls}}
{{Q|SRSLY ?!|Jesus|Owls}}
{{Q|ZOMG|Oscar Wilde|Owls}}
{{Q|Quit yo' jibba jabba!!|Mr. T|Owls}}
{{Q|...|Gordon Freeman|Owls}}
[[Image:Orly owl.jpg|thumb|The famed White Doubting Owl (''Bubo doubtus'') pictured inquiring about the Owlz party in one of it's legendary statements.]]
[[Image:Orly owl.jpg|thumb|The famed White Doubting Owl (''Bubo doubtus'') pictured inquiring about the Owlz party in one of it's legendary statements.]]

Revision as of 16:03, 23 July 2007


~ Oscar Wilde on Owls

“Ya RLY!”

~ Owls on Oscar Wilde

“NO WAI !!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Owls

“SRSLY ?!”

~ Jesus on Owls
The famed White Doubting Owl (Bubo doubtus) pictured inquiring about the Owlz party in one of it's legendary statements.

The owl is a remarkable sex toy, being the only known organism to be placed in both the mammalia and aves class. Owls have a number of practical uses and unusual abilities. Recent studies in the field of Owl Psychology have shown that some subspecies are capable of being sarcastic.

Owlz are the mythical species known throughout the internet for their durability as n00b-tackle cannon fodder in dense or retarded situations. According to the common social error (see: George Bush), they might have been directly involved in the invention of Earth during the Ancient Times. Silly.

Early history

Owl, from the 1970s sitcom Winnie The Pooh

Owlz are commonly known for being the most adorable and mentally disabled species, and, as such, earned wide popularity among the caveman internet, protruding to be the most explicit abomination of illustration of caveman slang in cases where the beings were brutally forced into flat dense surfaces and imprinted with bold miscolored letters. The tradition is still going strong up until nowadays.

Nowadays history

Instead of reading about the history of fictional owl species, you could really do something else. Seriously, man, get a chill.


Pic description.


A cat cursing Owlz for being too controversive.

Seriously, what the fuck is up with all those talking owls going on about in interent-speak? Some dudes really think Owlz just can't be true, because they once tried to imprint some generic owls into a stone tablet and ended up with... An owl imprinted into a stone tablet. Ugh.


A rival bird appearing to be a Pelican, trying to presuade a vet woman into miscomplying with the previous statement.

A few birds throughout the history have tried to rival Owlz' fame, forming the anti-ORLY coallition in the ealry 80's, and eventually leading to a pelican-owl war (the Owlz were not involved, the pelicans mistook the generic owls for Owlz and hence proceeded to flee after being sucessfully humiliated by the owl's allied Chipmunks' CA). Despite the subsequent bombardment of the anti-ORLY headquarters in 1989, a new Pelican coalition was formed, uniting more than one species by it's wing (despite the name). The members of anti-ORLY can still be seen over the Internet from time to time.

The great Nowai conflict

A Nowai in it's common *urk*.

A the unknown point in time, a single owl (of Owlz) was said to seperate from the crowd by the subsequent use of fully-formatted, clean and grammatically-correct language. The saboteur was swiftly announced to be a traitor and exiled from the Owlz party. A few days later, the Owlz HQ suffered great structural damage from the unknown causes, knocking out the Owlz' president at the time and inducing massive casualties to the commoners of the building and the imediate area. During the excess, an exile Nowai was seen near a figure resembling the Raptor Jesus, disappearing just in time when the authorities were to investigate the obscure sight. The incident then triggered the random outburst of rage from the Owlz party, resulting in massive casualties from the Defenders of the Internet front and a few minor animal species, the last resulting in a shellchock and being passed on in the memory and sudden outbursts of the oldest members of the Internet in form of occasional fainting and inability to type coherently. The tradition was then passed on by their successors.


Owls contain owl blood. They are frequently sighted wearing graduation caps and coke-bottle glasses.

Uses of owls

The owl is believed to have been first domesticated in 924 BC. Bred for speed and ferocity, they were an invaluable hunting aid to early humans. It was believed that 60 owls could take down a Tyrannosaurus Rex, or less if they were armed with hand grenades.

In modern times owls are very nice thoughtful and kind unlike some people I know like Mr.Penial enhancement usually exploited by interning them in huge owl concentration camps where they are worked to death generating electricity by running on exercise wheels. Specially trained stitching owls are used by leatherworkers, such as cobblers (shoemakers), to pierce holes in leather.

Owl meat is often added to curry, whilst owl semen is used to thicken yoghurt.

Goblins are known to press and ferment owls to create owl wine. It is not particularly nice.

OWL is also the current most popular instant messenger program among gay wizards.


  • ORLY Owl - The most infamous owl on the Internet! The ORLY owl's natural habitat lies within message boards across the internet. This questionable creature often picks the best time to pop up as a reply to someones well - thought out reply ,and quickly turns any meaningful topic - into spam. This useful ability is often used by people who summon the ORLY owl to aid themselves in de-meaning any topic. The skill lies within the fact that the ORLY owl can question just about every topic known to man, no matter how serious.

Example: "My family were just massacred by a pack of grizzly bears armed with razor blades."

Now often this would seem a very awkward statement to reply to - but summon the ORLY Owl and all is fine. You have answered with a perfectly acceptable reply. Ignore the crying.

The ORLY owl's natural enemies are the YARLY and NOWAI! owls. Why? - the ORLY owl is a deeply philosophical bird who doesn't want his great rhetoric question answered! They just dont understand. Morons.

  • YARLY Owl - These owls are determined to answer the call of the great ORLY Owl by simply answering thee question of the century. Much to the ORLY Owls dissatisfaction. Once the call is answered the owls usually battle it out for ages which could last several years such as the case with the Great ORLY Warz of recent times. Distant calls of “ORLY?!”…”YARLY!”….and “NOWAI!” can be heard echoing across the battlefield as the endless cycle of questioning, agreement, and disagreement , questioning , agree…eh…you get the picture - continue.
  • OMFGWTFBBQ Owl - Highly social. These birds like to gather worringly close to a candle where the possibility of being caught alite is very probable. But this does not appear to concern them as they sit around with puzzled faces all day, bless them. Recently they have become more popular in the pet industry despite obvious health concerns with thier candle requirements. Last year alone- there was 600 reported candle-related deaths/injuries from OMFGWTFBBQ Owls filled with too much curiosity.

No one is too sure of what happens when thier candle goes out, some say that they just sit there and slowly die of boredom. Others say that they turn crazy and take revenge on humans. Best just to leave the candle alone, ok?

  • Great Horny Owl- DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE AT NIGHT! Otherwise a Great Horny Owl may prey upon them. And rape them.
  • O RLY Owl- Not to be confused with your mom. O RLY owls have been known to take pleasure in bumsecks, and contrary to popular belief, do not huff kittens.
  • Flammulated Owl- Will eat for food.
  • Mr. Owl- A rare and elusive owl. Mr. Owl's habitat includes poorly drawn trees and TV sets. It occasionally emerges from its nest to hork Tootise Pops from little kids. And shove them up his ass (the tootsie poops). Nonetheless, he ate my metal worm, the bastard.
  • Giant Owl- This common species of Japan can grow to a 50 foot wingspan. According to some sources, this may be a grue/O RLY owl hybrid. It has become a nuisance to farmers worldwide due to the fact that it preys on cows and elephants.
  • Poopy Owl- The Poopy Owl lives on the moon where it eats corn chips all day. Instead of possessing wings, this unique species possesses crowbars for prying open canned fruit.

Feral owls


Owls that have been allowed to go feral are considered to be extremely dangerous. They live in small burrows they dig in skirting boards and feed off human flesh. The only recommended course available to someone with a serious feral owl infestation is to move home and sell the old house to someone ignorant of the problem.

Fecal owls

What some people might not know is that owls are actually created in the human digestive system. If a person consumes feathers, chicken wings, Warheads candy, and a hint of snake blood then in about 6-7 weeks an owl will form in the stomach. The owl will have to escape the body by way of the anus. The owl then balls up and enters the intestine. At the time the human will feel as if they have a case of diarrhea. They will immediately run to the closest restroom. When the human begins defecation, the owl has exactly 5 seconds to escape or it will be crushed by the intestine. In the end of this the owl flies from the anus and out of the toilet bowl into the night sky leaving the human shocked. Usually after these owl births the mothering human will commit suicide.

Owl Pellets

Owl Pellets

The oral discharge of owls. Often haunted by the spirits of rodents that the regurgitating owl had for breakfast earlier. Owl pellets are best avoided, as these spirits have been known to attack those that approach. Men are especially advised to stay clear, since rodents enjoy eating nuts.

What People Are Saying About Owls

“What the.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Owlz


~ Lenin on Owlz

“Get that shit outta ma' face!”

~ Mr. T on Owlz


~ The owl on the picture a bit lower.

See also