Difference between revisions of "User:HolUp/Star Wars"

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Star Wars is seriously fucked up. Really. I mean, theres some dude that lives on a farm and then his mum and dad get there ass whupped then some paedophile tells the dude about the Powers Of The Glowing Penis What You Can Hold In Your Hand, and after a bit of shit happening the bad guy (Commonly known as [[Edward Cullen]]) turns young again, and beats the shit out of his best friend, Obi Wan Kenobi, who also happens to be a vampire, and then gets his [[Barbequeue|legs burnt off]]. For those who have never seen Star Wars, it's a parody of Toy Story.
 
Star Wars is seriously fucked up. Really. I mean, theres some dude that lives on a farm and then his mum and dad get there ass whupped then some paedophile tells the dude about the Powers Of The Glowing Penis What You Can Hold In Your Hand, and after a bit of shit happening the bad guy (Commonly known as [[Edward Cullen]]) turns young again, and beats the shit out of his best friend, Obi Wan Kenobi, who also happens to be a vampire, and then gets his [[Barbequeue|legs burnt off]]. For those who have never seen Star Wars, it's a parody of Toy Story.
  
Luke later assists the droids in finding the exiled Jedi, who is now passing as an old hermit under the alias Ben Kenobi. When Luke asks about his father, whom he has never met, Obi-Wan tells him that Anakin Skywalker was a great Jedi who was betrayed and murdered by Vader. Obi-Wan and Luke hire the smuggler Han Solo and his Wookiee co-pilot Chewbacca to take them to Alderaan, Leia's home world, which they eventually find has been destroyed by the Death Star. Once on board the space station, Luke and Han rescue Leia while Obi-Wan allows himself to be killed during a lightsaber duel with Vader; his sacrifice allows the group to escape with the plans that help the Rebels destroy the Death Star. Luke himself (guided by the power of the Force) fires the shot that destroys the deadly space station during the Battle of Yavin.
+
Luke later assists the droids in finding the exiled Jedi, who is now passing as an old hermit under the alias Ben Kenobi. When Luke asks about his father, whom he has never met, Obi-Wan tells him that Anakin Skywalker was a great Jedi who was betrayed and murdered by Vader. Obi-Wan and Luke hire the lovable scoundrel smuggler Han Solo and his Wookiee co-pilot Chewbacca to take them to Alderaan, Leia's home world, which they eventually find has been destroyed by the Death Star. Once on board the space station, Luke and Han rescue Leia while Obi-Wan allows himself to be killed during a lightsaber duel with Vader; his sacrifice allows the group to escape with the plans that help the Rebels destroy the Death Star. Luke himself (guided by the power of the Force) fires the shot that destroys the deadly space station during the Battle of Yavin.
  
 
He and Leia pass the time by staring menacingly at one-another and threatening to blow up planets using their psychic powers from their infinitely amazing and brilliant minds!
 
He and Leia pass the time by staring menacingly at one-another and threatening to blow up planets using their psychic powers from their infinitely amazing and brilliant minds!

Revision as of 21:45, 2 December 2019

The corporate logo slapped onto the beginning of all Star Wars films. Gaze upon its power and beauty, and tremble. TREMBLE!

“Have you ever gotten laid?”

~ Douchebag guy who DOES NOT appreciate Star Wars properly and DOES NOT understand its bearing on our modern culture being a complete ass about the saga on Star Wars

Star Wars (from the Latin Star, meaning "Giant" and Wars meaning "Walrus") is a popular franchise of toys and video games dating from the 1970s. In the early 90s, George Lucas, a successful film maker (notably having written and directed such films as Gone With The Wind and the Back to the Future series) took it upon himself to create six film adaptations of Star Wars which would go on to become more famous than their toy and game predecessors. The first film made was Star Wars: Episode One: Chapter three: Episode IV: A New Hope: Volume 2: Movie: Chapter volume: Episode: Star Wars: A New Hope: Star Wars: (Also known as Star Wars, Episode IV, A New Hope and That Movie You Like With the Glow Swords)

Star Wars[1] is an American epic space opera franchise created by George Lucas, a successful film maker.[2] Lucas took it upon himself to create six Star Wars films which would go on to become bigger than Jesus. The first film made was simply titled Star Wars.[3]

The Star Wars films have won a total of sixty Academy Awards, the most for any series in film history. In fact, in 1983, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences made the unheard-of move of bestowing its coveted Best Picture award as a tie between two movies in this series that had come out in the same year.

Star Wars[4] is an American epic space opera franchise created by George Lucas, a successful filmmaker know for masterpieces like Howard the Duck and Willow. Lucas took it upon himself to create six Star Wars films which would go on to become bigger than Jesus. The first film made was simply titled Star Wars.[5]

Star Wars[6] is an American epic space opera film series created by George Lucas, a successful filmmaker know for masterpieces like Howard the Duck and Willow. There are six Star Wars films, all of which have grossed billions of dollars and gone on to become bigger than Jesus. The first film made was simply titled Star Wars.[7]

The incredible Star Wars storyline is set a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, and centers on the conflict between the "light side" and the "dark side" of a magic substance called the Force. It has it all: action, adventure, romance, and explosions. Lots and lots of big, sexy explosions. All of this shit is set in space: the final frontier...to boldly go where no man has gone before.

Star Wars[8] is an American epic space opera film series created by George Lucas, a successful filmmaker know for masterpieces like Howard the Duck and Willow. There are a total of six 9 12 live action theatrical Star Wars films, all of which grossed billions of dollars and have gone on to become bigger than Jesus. The first film made was simply titled Star Wars.[9]

Star Wars[10] is an American epic space opera film series created by George Lucas, a successful filmmaker known for masterpieces like Howard the Duck and Willow. There are a total of three six nine twelve live action theatrical Star Wars films, all of which grossed billions of dollars and have gone on to become bigger than Jesus. The first film made was simply titled Star Wars.[11]

In a Galaxy far, far away where paragraphs floated in space. Where big teddy bears growled at people and where the Star Wars began.

In 1975, George Lucas was watching re-runs of Star Trek on a UHF TV station from San Francisco and had an idea.

He made fucking STAR WARS!! Well, he had this idea, and he made his movie. A movie which took place and earned him a kazillion dollars a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away....

Star Wars is a popular science fiction film series created by George Lucas. Lucas conceived the idea for Star Wars in 1975. Not an idea as simple as one that you or I might have, of course, as the idea was not had by you or me. It was had by George Lucas. Yes, George Lucas, already the brilliant mastermind behind such works as American Graffiti, but who really cares about that, anyway? He made fucking STAR WARS!!

Star Wars was a hit movie that took place "a long time ago, in galaxy far, far away". That opening sequence brings to mind how stupid the human race is becoming: Why do we care about some crap that happened so long ago and so far away?

Triva

-The Millinium Falcon was made out of aluminum

-Luke Skywalkers name was originally Osker Meyer

-Jango Fett was named coolest character to ever come out of fiction in 2007

Plot Summary

The story begins when some black guy named Darth Vader gets some bitch drunk and has some kid and calls him Luke. The story begins when Luke comes home one night from the "gentleman's" club to find his aunt and uncle are dead. So then he finds some paedophile , who showed him beastiality for the first time. They then go to a gay bar to look at some hot, sweaty dancing alien men.

This one dude named Luke Skymocker he had this one dad... But, he's a bad guy... And this one time at band camp... Um, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah... Star Wars! Good movie really long... Anyway, here's what happen in the first movie...

  • A ship is under attack... Ha ha! Ship. Ha ha ha ha! Holy Ship!
  • R2-D2 and C3-PO are in the desert getting mugged.
  • Luke wines like a pussy.
  • Luke mets Obi-wan.
  • Luke Wines about some other shit like a pussy.
  • Luke mets Shaq
  • Charlie Brown finally kicks the football.
  • Captain Kirk finally goes to planet Jjbhibbitx.
  • Did that planet just explode?
  • Is he choking that guy being with his mind?
  • Man those Stormtroopers suck, its an old man, a whining pussy, some asshole, and his dog. Just shoot them!
  • That is the biggest dildo ever... oh it's a lightsaber... thats an awesome name for a dildo.
  • C3-PO, just shut the fuck up! Know one cares!
  • You call that a rebellion? more like a dumb fucking asshole convention!
  • Just use the force, cuntface!
  • So it can blow up a planet, but one missle up its ass kills it? WTF!
  • Oh there getting medals, how nice. They better be dumbass medals!
  • The motherfucking end.
  • Luke participates in an affair with his sister, who is Princess Lea

Plot

Original trilogy

Gaze upon its power and beauty, and tremble. TREMBLE!
Pursued across the galaxy by Imperial Star Destroyers such as this one, our heroes must...... do something.
The purportedly "anachronistic" 1970s special effects.

The original trilogy begins with the eeevviilll Galactic Empire nearing completion of a giant moon called the Death Star, which will allow the Empire to pwn the Rebel Alliance, an organized resistance formed to combat Emperor Palpatine's tyranny. Palpatine's Sith apprentice Darth Vader captures Princess Leia, a member of the rebellion who has stolen the plans to the Death Star and hidden them in the astromech droid R2-D2. R2, along with his protocol droid counterpart C-3PO, escapes to the desert planet Tatooine. There, the droids are purchased by farm boy Luke Skywalker and his step-uncle and aunt. While Luke is cleaning R2, he accidentally triggers a message put into the droid by Leia, who asks for assistance from the legendary Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Star Wars is seriously fucked up. Really. I mean, theres some dude that lives on a farm and then his mum and dad get there ass whupped then some paedophile tells the dude about the Powers Of The Glowing Penis What You Can Hold In Your Hand, and after a bit of shit happening the bad guy (Commonly known as Edward Cullen) turns young again, and beats the shit out of his best friend, Obi Wan Kenobi, who also happens to be a vampire, and then gets his legs burnt off. For those who have never seen Star Wars, it's a parody of Toy Story.

Luke later assists the droids in finding the exiled Jedi, who is now passing as an old hermit under the alias Ben Kenobi. When Luke asks about his father, whom he has never met, Obi-Wan tells him that Anakin Skywalker was a great Jedi who was betrayed and murdered by Vader. Obi-Wan and Luke hire the lovable scoundrel smuggler Han Solo and his Wookiee co-pilot Chewbacca to take them to Alderaan, Leia's home world, which they eventually find has been destroyed by the Death Star. Once on board the space station, Luke and Han rescue Leia while Obi-Wan allows himself to be killed during a lightsaber duel with Vader; his sacrifice allows the group to escape with the plans that help the Rebels destroy the Death Star. Luke himself (guided by the power of the Force) fires the shot that destroys the deadly space station during the Battle of Yavin.

He and Leia pass the time by staring menacingly at one-another and threatening to blow up planets using their psychic powers from their infinitely amazing and brilliant minds!

Meanwhile, the two robust robots fall indirectly into the hands of a penis, rather whiny young lad named Luke Skywalker. His robotic companions lead him to the humble abode of three sand people, who proceed to beat the living shit out of Luke, until an old man comes along and asks them to leave by killing them. The old man, after revealing himself to be Oldy 1 Wasabi, takes a shot at Luke as well. Luke takes this opportunity to whine like an engine, and is again punched, this time by C3P0, one of the translator droids which apparently does not fight.

Prequel trilogy

Star Wars Episode II: Production of the Clones Attack of the Clones.

Believe it or not, the Star Wars prequels were not the first time Lucas pulled a trick on his fans. Heck, even Return of the Jedi had its problems, as evidenced by this quote: "I thought it would be hilarious to ruin the climactic feel of the movie by introducing some sort of incredibly irritating creature who would dominate the last 30 or so minutes," Lucas says in an interview, chuckling. "So that's when I came up with the Ewok." For the three or four readers here who haven't seen the movie, Ewoks are possibly the most preposterous creatures ever put on screen. Picture the Telletubbies, except instead of four, there is a fucking army of them, and every one of them has fur that they never shave. Yeah. Seriously.

Lucas thought it would be hilarious to introduce these oversized gerbils and watch the reactions to the fans, who he clearly thought would be devastated. Unfortunately, many fans loved the Ewoks, even after they sang the most irritating song ever written at the end of the series. "Well," Lucas reportedly said, "Ruining the end of the story clearly wasn't good enough. At least I still have time to ruin the beginning!"

In retrospect, Return of the Jedi could be seen as the beginning of George Lucas's descent into insanity. "I thought it would really enhance the climactic feel of the movie by introducing silly new creatures that kids love," Lucas said in an interview, chuckling. "So that's when I came up with the Ewoks." For the three or four readers here who haven't seen the movie, Ewoks are possibly the most preposterous creatures ever put on screen. Picture the Teletubbies, except instead of four, there's a whole army of them, and every one of them has fur that they never shave or brush. Yeah. Seriously.

Lucas thought it would be hilarious to introduce these oversized gerbils and watch the reactions to the fans, who he clearly thought would be devastated. Unfortunately, many fans loved the Ewoks, even after they sang the most irritating song ever written at the end of the series. "Well," Lucas elaborated, "Fixing the end of the Star Wars story wasn't enough for me. I want to make the beginning the best it can be."

The Star Wars prequels, released much later than the original than the two sequels, follow the life of a young Anakin Skywalker. In the first movie, The Phantom Movie, the little planet of Naboo is being held hostage by the Trade Federation, so the Republic sends two Jedi Knights (young Obi-Wan and his master, Qui-Gon Gin) to negotiate a settlement over Jawa juice and tea biscuits. In a drunken rage, the Jedi destroy many droids, some of which cost as much as $30,000 each, plus maintenance. Afterwards, they go down to Naboo and meet Jar Jar Binks, a lovable amphibian with a big heart. Over the next hour and a half, Jar Jar falls over, bumps into things, makes funny faces, and runs around with zany kazoo music playing in the background.

The three rescue Queen Padmé Amidala and go to the planet Tatooine. There, they purchase a slave boy named Anakin, who possesses the skill to do long division in his head, and head to the galactic capital Coruscant. There, chaos has erupted in the Senate over the issue of redistricting. The cunning and elusive Senator Palpatine, who is totally not the Emperor we see in the original trilogy, has vetoed legislation that would allow planetary governments to determine election districts in their sectors. Senator Queen Amidala threatens to introduce a joint resolution censuring Palpatine for his actions and blah blah blah Returning to Naboo, Queen Amidala and the Jedi defeat Trade Federation head Newt Gunray. Qui-Gon is killed when action-figure model Darth Maul repeatedly smashes him in the face with a special double-sided Sith baton. Outraged, Obi-Wan pushes Maul down a shaft and everyone celebrates with a parade.

In the second movie, Attack of the Clowns, we watch as Anakin blossoms from a young child, full of hope and a sense of adventure, to a whiny teenager with a temper issue. Actually, we don't get to see that, because this movie is set ten years after the first. At this point, the galaxy is on the brink of civil war or something. Under the leadership of a renegade Jedi named Count Dracula Dooku, thousands of stellar systems threaten to secede from the Galactic Republic (yes, at the same time). Two bounty hunters, Jango Fett and his girlfriend Zim Zam, team up to teach Padmé a lesson about respecting the Sepratists' property, particularly expensive battle droids. After a failed attempt to assassinate Padmé with poisonous caterpillars, Jango kills Zam for some reason and escapes to Ocean Planet.

Meanwhile, Palpatine is elected Head Honcho of the Republic. In his first action, he cuts funding to the Jedi Order, forcing Yoda and Mace Windu to organize a bake sale fund raiser. They send Obi-Wan to pursue Jango Fett in order to find the secret of the special bounty hunter chocolate chip cookie recipe, rumored to be the best in the galaxy. In the meanwhile, Anakin is assigned to protect Padmé, whilst taking a break from the Force to also learn about the ways of reproduction.

Apparently, Padmé cheated on Anakin with Obi-Wan, because one day Anakin gets really angry at both of them all of a sudden. He chokes Padmé (with the Force, because I guess he can do that now) and attacks Obi-Wan. Needless to say, this upsets Obi, who, after trying to "talk things out," chops off all of Anakin's arms and legs and pushes him into a giant lava pit.

At the climax of his reincarnation as Darth Vader, Anakin cries despairingly "NOooooooo!!!!!!" and simultaneously creates the least intentionally humorous line in cinema history.

Though they received mixed reviews from critics, they also received mixed reviews from fans. Many of them thought that the saga had "degenerated into an unholy mess of juvenile, dull storylines and crappy, slapstick characters which can only be appreciated by 10 year olds". What they conveniently forgot was that they THEMSELVES were ten year olds back in the '70s when the first Star Wars film released. Positive reviews have noted how the prequels successfully cashed in on the concepts of the original trilogy, by once again simplifying complicated issues like intergalactic wars down to a brain-dead level in order to appease their target audience of eight to ten year olds.

Sequel trilogy

After millions of nerds protested the prequels by self-harming, burning Jar-Jar Binks in effigy, and bitching on internet forums, the franchise was revived when JJ Abrams, the director of such films as The Wrath of Khan and E.T. took the helm to direct a 2015 remake of the first Star Wars film. After a decade of complaining about how different the prequels were from the original Star Wars trilogy, this new film gave fans a chance to complain about something else-- how similar it was to the original trilogy.

Thirty years after the Empire was taken down by a whiny teenager and a bunch of midgets in teddy bear costumes, the dark side is still alive and kicking. Supreme Leader Snokey the Bear has constructed an enormous mcguffin capable of powering entire plotlines. Luke Skywalker has gone missing in action, and despite Han and Leia's efforts-- putting up "Missing Jedi" posters all over Coruscant, buying space on the side of blue milk cartons to display Luke's face on-- he has not been found. However, a young woman named Rey from the desert planet of Jakku comes across a piece of a map to Luke's location in a droid, which was a good idea, because the rebels have never made a habit of putting vital information into droids in the past. Oh, and Rey is totally Luke's daughter, or Han's daughter, or Obi-Wan's nephew's granddaughter or something, because literally everybody is related to everybody else in this goddamn franchise.

Along for the ride is Cameron Poe (played by Nicholas Cage, who reprises his role from the 1997 action film Con Air), and Token. These three heroes must find the rest of the map to Luke Skywalker, sold separately in select Lucky Charms cereal boxes at your local supermarket. Collect all six maps! But unfortunately for our heroes, Han and Leia's emo son is after the map as well, and once he finally comes out of his bedroom, nothing will stand in his way. His dad totally, like, doesn't understand him at all, so he kills him.

Star Wars: The Force Aweakens is famous for causing earth-shattering simultaneous nerdgasms across the globe, as well as putting the studios behind every other December 2015 release on suicide watch.

The "Star Wars Epiphany"

The Star Wars epiphany is a phenomenon which manifests itself, mostly in adolescent males and other young adults, as an epiphany equal to the discoveries of Newton, Einstein, and other great thinkers. It has been described by social psychologist, Paul Straussenfharsenbhurgendhurgen as "a very excited exclamation to friends, relatives, et cetera, that the individual has suddenly had the idea to watch all of the Star Wars movies back-to-back. It is usually met with negative responses, but is invariably seen as a wonderful, innovative idea by the individual himself".

The effect was first officially observed in teenager Frank Rogers of the United States (Straussenfharsenbhurgendhurgen et al., 1991). Rogers owned the original trilogy of Star Wars movies on VHS, and suggested to room-mates David Kelly and Johan Peters that they watch all of them back-to-back, despite it already being eight o'clock in the evening. Kelly and Peters subsequently moved out of the apartment and attempted to become more mature by marrying and fathering children. Well, not both marrying and fathering children - they married women, then fathered children. Obviously.

Campaigners are currently pressuring the United States government to recognise the Star Wars Epiphany as a genuine medical condition, despite the assurance by researcher, Straussenfharsenbhurgendhurgen that the phenomenon is merely a symptom and not an actual illness (he has since specified that it is a symptom of illnesses such as boredom, the human condition and stupidity). Spokesperson, Terry Wogan, said that he "hope[s] that this campaign will really get all the other governments thinking and stuff, like, we really want the prime minister of Europe to really, um, think about maybe following suit when, uh, when the president gets, uh, you know, gets this done". He wasn't talking about the Star Wars Epiphany, but you could probably imagine that he was. He might as well have been. We think he was talking about abortion or something.

Critical Acclaim and Social Impact of the Other Stuff

Still, this left Lucas with only one option: numerous sub-par sequels! While the first sequel, The Empire Strikes Back, has been considered a masterpiece of modern filmmaking, the following five sequels/prequels/spinoffs (Return of the Jedi, The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, and The Clone Wars) have been accused by fans of desecrating the beloved franchise.

This left Lucas with only one option: numerous sub-par sequels! While the first sequel, The Empire Strikes Back, has been considered a masterpiece of modern filmmaking, the following five sequels/prequels/spinoffs (Return of the Jedi, The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, and The Clone Wars) have been accused by fans of desecrating the corpse of the beloved franchise.

Plans

-Darth Jar Jar, you know that fan theory to be true.

-Comb Obi-Wan article, George Lucas (nobody), main Lucas, Sheev, Vader articles

-Rewrite Boba Fett

-Rewrite Grievous

-Finish Nick/Simpsons articles

-C-3PO article versions

-Articles on Nute Gunray, Utapau, Jango Fett, Jedi

-More info about Special Editions

-Decade categories

-Making of ROTJ

-Fix rots gif

-Darthipedia

-Tatooine = Tatooland

-French articles

-Category:Star Wars, Category:Star Wars images

-en.uncyclopedia.co comb for details

-en.uncyclopedia.co main Star Wars article

-Userspaced Star Wars

-pre-2007 Star Wars article

-Clone Wars event, TCW article

Find place for these bits:

The separatists threaten to cut off the trade of materials vital to galactic civilization, like Spice from Arrakis, and medicine like quinine from Manaan, that water planet from KOTOR.

They manage to hold their own until Motherfucking Jedi Master Mace Windu arrives with a centuria of Jedi to defend them, beheading Jango Fett in the brief battle. Even though they thought it was kind of bigoted and to have the republic defended by an exclusively Mandalorian male infantry, not to mention stupid if someone cloned Mandelorean flu; the Senate finally pays off that huge bill for the delivery of clones crank called in their name, and Yoda arrives with their new army of super soldier slaves and collects the surviving Jedi.

Jar Jar convinces them of the need to liberate the apparently sentient wise cracking battle droids of their servitude, and the Senate finally pays off that huge bill for the delivery of clones crank called in their name. Yoda than arrives leading his own army of super soldier slaves and collects the surviving Jedi.

While Anakin and Padmé head to Geonosis to rescue Obi-Wan, Palpatine is granted emergency powers to organize the clone army and send them into battle. Shortly after arriving on Geonosis, Anakin and Padmé are captured, and Obi-Wan sarcastically thanks them for an excellent rescue.

Natalie Portman has more difficulty defending the artistic merit of this madness than when she played a cigarette smoking 12 year old, learning to shoot and seducing a middle aged assassin, which she remains proud of as this was, more of than this series of multi million dollar digital paintings that could have fed hundreds in villages with the budget of a few seconds. As a Harvard trained psychologist she must have an explanation for what the apparent moral of this movie is and what the artist was thinking when they were making it, other than $$$ and pew-pew, kaboom!

Natalie Portman has more difficulty defending the artistic merit of this madness than when she played a cigarette smoking 12 year old, learning to shoot and seducing a middle aged assassin, which she remains proud of as this was, more of than this series of multi million dollar digital paintings that could have fed hundreds in villages with the budget of a few seconds. As a Harvard trained psychologist she must have spent countless hour looking for an explanation as to what the apparent moral of this movie is and what the artist was thinking when they were making it, other than $$$ and pew-pew, kaboom! It seems the only value of the film and it's confusing story line is as a diagnostic tool akin to a Rorshach test or the Thematic apperception test where one creates a story to go along with images to make sense of them, in this case those of inexplicable warfare, with a story that actually makes less sense than what you'd come up with playing with plastic toy army men, the reasons behind the endless violence are so unimportant. In conclusion: it's not as well written as the WWE.

Natalie Portman has more difficulty defending the artistic merit of this madness than when she played a cigarette-smoking 12-year-old, learning to shoot and seducing a middle-aged assassin, which she remains more proud of than this series of multi-million-dollar digital paintings that could have fed hundreds in villages with the budget of a few seconds. As a Harvard-trained psychologist she must have spent countless hour looking for an explanation as to what the apparent moral of this movie is and what the artist was thinking when they were making it, other than "Jar Jar is the key to all this" and "It's like poetry, they rhyme." It seems the only value of the film and its confusing storyline is as a diagnostic tool akin to a Rorshach test or the Thematic apperception test, where one creates a story to go along with images to make sense of them, in this case those of inexplicable warfare, with a story that actually makes less sense than what you'd come up with playing with plastic toy army men, where the reasons behind the endless violence are unimportant. In conclusion: it's not as well-written as the WWE.

Ten years after the events of The Phantom Menace, the Galactic Republic faces the threat of a massive separatist movement led by former Jedi Master Cunt Dooku. As history has taught us before, force must be used against those who try to leave. This ideology is put to the test when the Senate votes on the subject of an introduction to a Clone Army; these are the badasses/the badasses that will eventually become the stormtroopers.

The next day, Senator Palpatine declares himself Supreme Chancellor of the Republic and dons stylish black robes. In his first action, he cuts funding to the Jedi Order, forcing Jedi Masters Yoda and Mace Windu to organize a bake sale fundraiser. They assign Obi-Wan to pursue the assassin and find the secret of the special bounty hunter chocolate chip cookie recipe, rumored to be the best in the galaxy. In the meantime, Anakin is assigned to escort and accompany Senator Amidala to her homeplanet of Naboo.

Two lovable Bounty Hunters, Jango Feta and his girlfriend/sister Jangoina Feta, team up to teach Queen Amidala a lesson about respecting other people's property, particularly expensive battle droids, many of which she had destroyed without paying reperations. After a failed attempt to kill her with catapillars, the two Bounty Hunters escape to the Ocean Planet and begin building a clown army and running a farm stall selling the cheese that shares their surname.

Meanwhile, President Palpatine has himself declared El Presidente for Life and begins wearing black robes. In his first action he cuts funding to the Jedi Order, forcing Yoda and Mace Windy to organize a bake sale fund raiser. They send Obi Kenobi to pursue Jango Feta across the galaxy in order to find the secret of the special bounty hunter chocolate chip cookie recipe, rumored to be the best in the galaxy.

Instead, Hobo Kenobi is captured and taken to the Bug Planet where he Anakin and Amidala kill several thousand bugs and a few other assorted creatures. Eventually a bunch of Jedi and Pre-Storm Troopers show up and general mayhem ensues. Anikan and Amidala are then married in a private ceremony, with a robot acting as best man since Anikan has what we call a "loser gene," which causes one to lack social skills in general.

File:Attack of the Clones Cover.jpg
Now you can read the movie too, with your Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones edition book light on your Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones edition bed.

The film's working title was Jar Jar's Big Adventure, an attempt by Lucas to make fans froth at the mouth even more.

The next day, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine cuts funding to the Jedi Order, forcing Jedi Masters Yoda and Mace Windu to organize a bake sale fundraiser. They assign Obi-Wan to pursue the assassin and find the secret of the special bounty hunter chocolate chip cookie recipe, rumored to be the best in the galaxy. In the meantime, Anakin is assigned to escort and accompany Senator Amidala to her homeplanet of Naboo.

After the script was written, Lucas re-released the original Star Wars films about 15 times so he could raise enough money to make the new film. Once enough funds were raised,

Lucas re-released the film in 2012 as part of a Special Edition. $3.5 million dollars were utilized in changes, including more CGI, altered dialogue, re-edited shots, remixed soundtracks, added scenes, orangutans, breakfast cereals, fruit bats, large chu, and Jar Jar's eye color being changed.

Luke blows up the death star killing hundreds in the process

All the money raised by the film was used to pay the digital effects for the remastered version of the film including the final battle scene against the zombies where George Lucas spent $ 3,500,000 to change the color of the iris of the eyes of the zombies.

Federation are thin eyed, headdress wearing, stereotypically Asian characters

Poster of Japaneese's original sequel

The introduction of a bigger marketing ploy than the ewoks, jar fuking sodding jar twatbag binks. Why! George Lucas single handedly destroyed all that was good in the world. Redeeming himself by implicating jar jar in the rise of emperor palpatine and the creation or the clone army. Yet failing to satisfy the need for us to see jar jar fall victim to mace windu and his purple sabre (no its not a sexual reference). However seeing yoda kick some ass was cool yoda the 3finga ninja. What could have been a great series just turned into a justification to rererelease the rerelease of the films in a new box set and also 6 months later as single two disc editions. Bank balance sucessfully replenished mr Lucas now let's see episode 7 return of the phantom vaders ghost strikes back. Sorry if typos doing this on

quit while you're ahead, but more importantly whore yourself out to shit out contradicting storylines that translate into worthless novels that only smelly nerds read. George Lucas has never said anything smarter? After all, I would know. Or do you???

The fifth and final sequel, also known as the sixth and final movie, also known as the third episode and finale to the prequels, was the only one that didnt suck. Yes, Lucas only managed to redeem himself (almost) with a movie that ended with the orphaning of two newborns, the killing of almost every good guy, and the almost-complete removal of the curse that is J**J**Bi***s from the movie.

Later someone's arm is cut off by Obi Wan's lightsaber, and the entire Cantina goes silent. Luke, surprised, recruits the help of the rugged and manly space captain Han Solo, whose gruffness hides his soft spot for soap operas and kittens. Put simply, Han Solo is not a stock character, nor is anyone else in the Star Wars movies, and anyone that says they are is obviously not an expert on the movie like me.

Princess hair buns

Jedi = short people with robes and glowing sticks

Star Wars takes place "a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away," if you are slow and didn't quite get that the first time I mentioned it. Yes, George Lucas was such a mastermind, he didn't have to set his story in the future, which is clearly a Sci-Fi cliché. Instead, Star Wars takes place in the past, completely ignoring every law of science and common sense about technology there is to ignore. The movie also takes place in an alternate galaxy, because it seems like it should. Really, look at the Milky Way. BORING! Unless you throw in an extra dimension or two, you just can't make our humble little galaxy interesting.

So, the movie begins, with Lucas, in his eternally laudable sense of storytelling, giving us a bit of background info on the story. Apparently, at the start of the movie (after the cool scrolling text), it is a period of civil war. Also, it is a period of galactic unrest, and um.....Princess Leia's ship....yeah, anyways, the bad guys are after the good guys. There are lasers, and cool explosions and stuff, so....yeah.... I forget exactly what happens next, since I went upstairs at this point to grab my popcorn. Anyways, a couple of these robots (I know, robots in a sci-fi movie! Who would've thought?) wind up on a desert planet, apparently Yootapootapowpow, or some such creative name, where they meet Luke Skywalker. The princess, meanwhile, is captured by the heavy-breathing Darth Vader, who apparently is not a very nice person at all. Presumably, Vader is lonely and would like a hug. He and princess hair buns pass the time by staring menacingly at one-another and threatening to blow up planets.

Meanwhile, the two robust robots fall indirectly into the hands of a spry, rather whiny young lad named Luke Skyflyer. His robotic companions lead him to the first-class abode of three sand people, who proceed to beat the living snot out of Luke, until an old white man comes along and politely asks them to leave. The really old man, after revealing himself to be Ben Kenobi, takes a shot at Luke as well. Luke takes this opportunity to whine, and is again punched, this time by C3P0, one of the droids. The reason why the droid punches him is because the stupid droid is a replacement for Chuck Norris. If chuck Norris had starred in the film all the characters would have been eliminated in the first four minutes of the movie (including the cool scrolling letters).

Anyways, the sequels can be summarized rather quickly. In The Empire Strikes Back, Darth Vader is Luke's father. No he wasn't dead. Yes, he's Luke's father. Yes, Obi-Wan was lying.(Though the old man denies it) Yes, Vader is Luke's father. Yes, Darth had sex with Luke's mommy and nine months later a baby came out that grew up on Tatoo....Tatoo....that dry planet and was named Luke. In other words, Darth Vader was Luke's goddamn father!! Really. Though,I personally still wouldn't believe that Vader was Luke's Papa!

Well,a majority of the actual filming was conceived upon a small velvet scroll whcih measured at around 2X2 inches. A couple of characters such as Vader and Luke himself were drawn upon the material, and sent to an editing room, based in a potheads basement in the San Francisco Bay Area. George Lucas overlooked the film, from up to bottom, at times urinating on scenes that made him vomit to an extent that caused severe kidney tissue lining deterioration.

This deep symbolism is currently being applied to George Lucas's quiff. Victoria Beckham-Professor Emeritus of Philosophy at Cambridge, suggests that the quiff is a vain and futile attempt to recapture youth and artistic creativity.

Anyways, the sequels can be summarized rather quickly. In The Empire Strikes Back, Darth Vader is Luke's father. No he wasn't dead. Yes, he's Luke's father. Yes, Obi-Wan was lying. Yes, Vader is Luke's father. Yes, Darth had sex with Natalie Portman (Thus becoming the luckiest man in this or any other galaxy a long long time ago) and nine months later a baby came out that grew up on Tatoo....Tatoo....that dry planet and was named Luke. In other words, Darth Vader was Luke's goddamn father!! Really.

Improper license with LEGO

This most popular of toys which retards from around the world love buys so much of Star Wars's licenses which coincidentally led to it's downturn.

Mandalorians

The Mandalorians are a warrior people originally from the backwater moon of Dxun. They then moved to Mandalore (the planet) after the demise of their great warrior, Cassus Fett.

The Mandalorians are a very violent people. Their preferred weapons are the down pillow and vibrosword.

Language

One of their leaders, Karen Traviss, was the creator of the Mandalorian language. Before Karen came along, the Mandalorians communicated with grunts, gestures, and occasionally Galactic Basic with a heavy Concord Dawn accent.


Famous Mandalorians and their whereabouts

Temuera Morrison is one of the most widely known Mandalorians. He spent his early life as a bounty hunter, then lost his head. He then spent some time at Kamino honing his monster evasion skills and Jedi killing techniques. It is rumored that he then went off in search of the Star Forge, being prompted by an apparition that called itself Canderous Ordo.

Jeremy Bulloch- This man is also known as Boba Fett. He sometimes goes by Jaster Mereel, and other times he poses as a harmless actor in a warrior costume. Early in his life, he witnessed the beheading of his self/father/clone template, Temuera Morrison, in a dueling arena on Geonosis. Soon after, he assassinated Samuel L. Jackson in revenge and in doing so, prevented the disaster rumored to be called "snakes on a plane II"

Karen Traviss- She is the legendary wife of Mandalore and the creator of the written and spoken language of the Mandalorians. She was around since the discovery of high density down pillows, the most deadly weapon a Mandalorian could hope to wield.

The Clone Wars 2008

3D models were another tool in the animation crews bag of tricks, so they created life size marble statues of all the characters for reference.

References

  1. From the Latin Star, meaning "Giant" and Wars meaning "Walrus.
  2. Notably having written and directed such films as Gone With The Wind and the Back to the Future series.
  3. Also known as "Episode IV: A New Hope", but only to those pretentious jerks who like to pretend they know about Star Wars but don't even care about the real Star Wars like I do.
  4. From the Latin Star, meaning "Giant" and Wars meaning "Walrus.
  5. Also known as "Episode IV: A New Hope", but only to those pretentious jerks who like to pretend they know about Star Wars but don't even care about the real Star Wars like I do.
  6. From the Latin Star, meaning "Giant" and Wars meaning "Walrus.
  7. Also known as "Episode IV: A New Hope", but only to those pretentious jerks who like to pretend they know about Star Wars but don't even care about the real Star Wars like I do.
  8. From the Latin Star, meaning "Giant" and Wars meaning "Walrus.
  9. Also known as "Episode IV: A New Hope", but only to those pretentious jerks who like to pretend they know about Star Wars but don't even care about the real Star Wars like I do.
  10. From the Latin Star, meaning "Giant" and Wars meaning "Walrus.
  11. Also known as "Episode IV: A New Hope", but only to those pretentious jerks who like to pretend they know about Star Wars but don't even care about the real Star Wars like I do.