Difference between revisions of "Zimbabwe"

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#{{Redirect|Rhodesia}}
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{{mugabe}}
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{{Infobox Country
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|image_flag = [[Image:Nazi flag 150.gif|75px]]
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|image_coat = [[Image:Aljolson.jpg|75px]]
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|image_map = [[Image:LocationZimbabwe.png|200px]]
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|native_name = Southern Rhodesia
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|conventional_long_name = Republic of Rhodesia
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|common_name = Bread Basket of Africa
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|national_motto = Oppression, Poverty, Mugabe
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|national_anthem = Let the bodies hit the floor
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|capital = Salisbury|largest_city = Umtali
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|official_languages = English (priviously Mugabe approved English)
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|government_type = Democracy (previously Mugabeism)
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|currency = Zimbabwean [[Dollar]]; 1 [[Pound]] = ∞ Zimbabwean Dollars
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|inflation rate = 17,000%
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|religion = Christianity (previously [[Mugabetheism]])
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|population = Going up and up and up as all the Rhodesians who left return
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|major_exports = White supremacy (previosuly death, [[disease]], Rhodesians)
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|major_imports = Jackboots, Ashtrays (previously [[coffin]]s, more stuff for Mugabe)
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|national_animal = Cheetah (previously Mugabe)
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|national_heros = Ian Smith (previously Robert Mugabe and his left testicle)
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|favourite_pastime = [[Murder]], corruption, Renaming everywhere, Mugabe
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}}
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{{Q|All your farm are belong to us.|Robert Mugabe|taking over white farms}}
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'''Zimbanana Republic''', the kingdom formally and properly known as the '''''Republic of Rhodesia''''', '''is''' the 56th American state. It hangs around in the Southern Hemisphere, mostly.
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== Overview & History & Your Mom!==
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Born of all the best bits of Africa, the little country that could has kept its audiences on the edge of their seats for its entire existence. Prior to renaming themselves after one of Afrika Bambaataa's 'krew', Zimbanana was known as ''Rhodesia'' previously. ''Rhodesia'' was created as a result of [[God]]'s opinion that white people are better than blacks, and should be subjugated accordingly.  This subjugation reached its peak in [[1982]] with the formation of Rhodesia-Zimbabwe, the world's second hyphenated state.  The blacks still got well pissed off and removed the whites from political power, and for a while forgot that while the whiteys didn't run the place anymore, they still owned it all. The Ultra Commander of the Blacks (UCB) [[Robert Mugabe]] decided that his friends needed more cash and proceeded to kick the whites off their land, and give all the workers AIDS. While the rest of the world got angry at Jim Bob Way for heaping shit on whiteys, Mugabe proved he wasn't racist by allowing his [[henchmen]] to ramdomly rape anyone they so desired, thus spreading AIDS everywhere and proving that he hates everyone equally. this is commemorated on [[I Have AIDS, You Have AIDS Day]].
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[[Zimbabwe]] decided to join the [[USA|United States of America]], after president [[George W Bush|Bush]] offered 20 dollars, 75000% of Zimbabwe's "GDP" (for want of a better word) for being allowed to hunt endangered animals there.
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== Economy ==
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[[Image:Counter.gif|thumb|left|Current inflation rate.]]
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Like most of [[Africa]],Zimbabwe ,under [[Robert Mugabe]]'s enlightened leadership, now exports [[AIDS]], and  refugees. His Most Supreme High Lordship Excellency Robert "G-$tack$" Mugabe wanted every Zimbabwean to be a billionaire, and hence invented hyper-inflation. His valiant efforts lead to an astronomical inflation rate, slightly lower than the population growth rate of [[Bangladesh]] (plans to use Bangladeshis as currency are being seriously considered, as they are cheaper to produce than paper).
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Hyper-Inflation recently reached it's highest level yet, You could buy the whole country for only 100 Pounds Sterling, Between now and Saturday, everything in Zimbabwe is 99.9% off! Houses are starting at Z$20,000,000,000 each! Cars are only Z$5,000,000,000! This deal is only for a limited time! Hurry to a Zimbabwe near you! Don't bother exchanging your own currancy though, You'd never be able to carry £100 worth around with you.
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== Culture ==
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[[Image:Blacks in the larval stage.JPG|thumb|left|135px|Two local children wielding machine guns.]]
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This place is packed full of all the best culture of the region; simply put, it's harder to find more culture per square metre than anywhere else.
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 +
The greatest single consequence of all this excess culture is [[Museums]], ''"Keep off the Grass"'' signs and ''Crazy Paving''.
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=== Museums ===
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Not many people know that as little as 50% of these fall into disrepute. Unfortunately ''Efrem Zimbalist Jr.'', despite being named after the country has yet to accept his certificate, which sits on display at the ''National Homophonic Museum''.
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Recently, groundbreaking ceremonies have beeen held in the city of Bulawayo for the latest cultural enhancement in the history of ZANU-PF rule  - a twelve floor edifice celebrating Robert Mugabe's penis and its numerous syphilis chancres.
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== Censorship in Zimbabwe ==
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{{wikipedia}}
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Zimbabwe is heavy on Media censorship,mostly due to the fact that their current Ultra-Commander,Robert Mugabe, does not like people cracking jokes about him.  Because of this,anyone who jokes or speaks ill about Mugabe immediately has all their works banned in Zimbanana and has a fatwa issued for their death.
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== Politics in Zimbabwe ==
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{{nowikipedia}}
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What Bob say is law! This article should be called Politic in Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe is a fully functioning democracy, but due to hyper inflation could only afford one politic. The same goes for political parties. They could really only afford one. It is known as ZANU-PF, an acronym that stands for '''Z'''ombies '''A'''rses '''N'''azis '''U'''nited (and) '''P'''aranoid '''F'''uckers.  They would have called themselves the [[Communist|ANC]] '''A'''frican '''N'''utters (and) '''C'''ommunists, but [[Nelson Mandela]] had already copyrighted the name.
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Democracy Zimbabwe style means outlawing any opposition, If you start opposition party Bob give you nice pair of Concrete Boots.
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=== What Bob say is law!===
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His Excellancy has decreed that all the people he doesn't [[You|like very much]] must get fuck out or get strung from Lamp Post! This includes: [[You]], [[Me|Capitalists]], [[Everyone|Democracy Lovers]],[[Your Mum|Christians]], [[your Dad|John Lennon look-a-likes]], [[Everyone|People who don't like starving to death]], [[George Formby|the Emperor of India]], [[Jeremy Clarkson|Television Presenters]], [[James May|Mops]], [[Richard Hammond|short Opel Kadett Drivers]], [[Santa|People who don't exist]], [[Daily Mail|Liars]], [[The Daily Telegraph|People who don't lie]], [[Chuck Norris]], [[Original Jesus|White Jesus]], [[Black Jesus]], [[Tony Blair|Fascists]], [[Nelson Mandela|Marxists]] and [[Everyone|People who don't like him]].
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Bob has decided to turn the Whitey Farms into leisure parks for ZANU-PF members, that's nice of him isn't it!
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== Places in Zimbabwe ==
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His Greatness Robert Mugabe has decreed that all the place names must be changed because he could not pronounce ''Salisbury'' the capital, it has since changed to Harare (meaning Shit-Hole in Afrikaans, though Bob is oblivious to the fact that Afrikaans was never spoken in Zimbabwe) the other city, Umtali, has changed to Mugabegrad. Victoria Falls has since been renamed Mugabe Falls.
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=== Harare (Salisbury)===
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Harare, originally Salisbury, is the capital of Zimbanana, all the government officials live there and commoners aren't allowed anywhere near it. When Ian Smith was Prime Minister is was simply a run-of-the-mill Colonial city, but now that petrol is ridiculously expensive it's roads are basically race-tracks with pavements, South African youths often go there to race their new cars and go in the Pubs (which are empty) If you are considering going to Harare try not to crash into a Rolls Royce with a small black man with huge glasses in it.
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=== Mugabegrad (Umtali)===
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Mugabegrad (originally Umtali) is the second city of Zimbanana, it's full of people with [[AIDS]]. we don't go there.
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=== Mugabe Falls (Victoria Falls)===
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The Mugabe Falls were discovered in 1901 by a colonial explorer whose [[Oscar Wilde|name history has chosen to forget]], they were originally named Victoria Falls, in honour of the then Empress of India, Queen Victoria Saxe-Coburg. There used to be some wildlife around the Falls but Mugabe's henchmen have shot all the Antelope and the Cheetah's have decided to pack up and leave.
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== The death (or lack thereof) of Mugabe ==
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Robert Mugabe is a terminator sent by cyberdyne systems as the world's cruellest practical joke. This is the reason why he nevers ages, nor is never seen not killing. Unfortunately as opposed to the great works of fiction about the Terminators, no man was ever sent back to correct the mistake, and Mugabe has remained as the longest running practical joke in human history. He is not to be confused with Fidel Castro who was also a teminator, but with a glitch that limits him only to killing little children and prairie dogs.
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==Rise of Ian Smith==
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On February 7th, 2008, Ian Smith, the deposed Prime Minister overthrew Robert Mugabe as dictator and restored white rule. So far the only action taken against him was an attempted invasion by Switzerland. Their forces had never experienced a proper war and withdrew quickly however and South Africa under the fascism of the Great Leader [[Jacob Zuma]] refused to attack a fellow dictator. Smith has done wonderous things for Rhodesia, including bringing back the old flag (a White Policeman beating up a Negro) and having Mugabe's comical government hanged for treason, The white farmers have regained their land back, the inflation rate is at only 20% and no one is starving anymore, Hurray!
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==See also==
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*[[Air Zimbabwe]]
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{{commonwealth}}
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{{USstates}}
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[[Category: Countries]]
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[[Category: Communism]]
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[[fi:Zimbabwe]]
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[[fr:Zimbabwe]]
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[[pl:Zimbabwe]]
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[[ru:Зимбабве]]

Revision as of 23:40, 23 February 2008


InyourfaceM.jpg

What's that? You don't agree with His Excellency, President for Life Robert Mugabe's official policies?
You're trying to undermine Zimbabwe and her precious democracy, aren't you? TRAITORS TO THE REVOLUTION!

WHITE IMPERIALIST PIGS! GUARDS, GET 'EM!!!


Southern Rhodesia
Republic of Rhodesia
Bread Basket of Africa
Nazi flag 150.gif Aljolson.jpg
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: Oppression, Poverty, Mugabe
Anthem: Let the bodies hit the floor
LocationZimbabwe.png
Capital Salisbury
Largest city Umtali
Official language(s) English (priviously Mugabe approved English)
Government Democracy (previously Mugabeism)
National hero(es) Ian Smith (previously Robert Mugabe and his left testicle)
Currency Zimbabwean Dollar; 1 Pound = ∞ Zimbabwean Dollars
Religion Christianity (previously Mugabetheism)
Population Going up and up and up as all the Rhodesians who left return
Major exports White supremacy (previosuly death, disease, Rhodesians)
Major imports Jackboots, Ashtrays (previously coffins, more stuff for Mugabe)
National animal Cheetah (previously Mugabe)
Favourite
 pastime
Murder, corruption, Renaming everywhere, Mugabe

“All your farm are belong to us.”

~ Robert Mugabe on taking over white farms

Zimbanana Republic, the kingdom formally and properly known as the Republic of Rhodesia, is the 56th American state. It hangs around in the Southern Hemisphere, mostly.

Overview & History & Your Mom!

Born of all the best bits of Africa, the little country that could has kept its audiences on the edge of their seats for its entire existence. Prior to renaming themselves after one of Afrika Bambaataa's 'krew', Zimbanana was known as Rhodesia previously. Rhodesia was created as a result of God's opinion that white people are better than blacks, and should be subjugated accordingly. This subjugation reached its peak in 1982 with the formation of Rhodesia-Zimbabwe, the world's second hyphenated state. The blacks still got well pissed off and removed the whites from political power, and for a while forgot that while the whiteys didn't run the place anymore, they still owned it all. The Ultra Commander of the Blacks (UCB) Robert Mugabe decided that his friends needed more cash and proceeded to kick the whites off their land, and give all the workers AIDS. While the rest of the world got angry at Jim Bob Way for heaping shit on whiteys, Mugabe proved he wasn't racist by allowing his henchmen to ramdomly rape anyone they so desired, thus spreading AIDS everywhere and proving that he hates everyone equally. this is commemorated on I Have AIDS, You Have AIDS Day.

Zimbabwe decided to join the United States of America, after president Bush offered 20 dollars, 75000% of Zimbabwe's "GDP" (for want of a better word) for being allowed to hunt endangered animals there.

Economy

Current inflation rate.

Like most of Africa,Zimbabwe ,under Robert Mugabe's enlightened leadership, now exports AIDS, and refugees. His Most Supreme High Lordship Excellency Robert "G-$tack$" Mugabe wanted every Zimbabwean to be a billionaire, and hence invented hyper-inflation. His valiant efforts lead to an astronomical inflation rate, slightly lower than the population growth rate of Bangladesh (plans to use Bangladeshis as currency are being seriously considered, as they are cheaper to produce than paper).

Hyper-Inflation recently reached it's highest level yet, You could buy the whole country for only 100 Pounds Sterling, Between now and Saturday, everything in Zimbabwe is 99.9% off! Houses are starting at Z$20,000,000,000 each! Cars are only Z$5,000,000,000! This deal is only for a limited time! Hurry to a Zimbabwe near you! Don't bother exchanging your own currancy though, You'd never be able to carry £100 worth around with you.

Culture

Two local children wielding machine guns.

This place is packed full of all the best culture of the region; simply put, it's harder to find more culture per square metre than anywhere else.

The greatest single consequence of all this excess culture is Museums, "Keep off the Grass" signs and Crazy Paving.


Museums

Not many people know that as little as 50% of these fall into disrepute. Unfortunately Efrem Zimbalist Jr., despite being named after the country has yet to accept his certificate, which sits on display at the National Homophonic Museum. Recently, groundbreaking ceremonies have beeen held in the city of Bulawayo for the latest cultural enhancement in the history of ZANU-PF rule - a twelve floor edifice celebrating Robert Mugabe's penis and its numerous syphilis chancres.

Censorship in Zimbabwe

Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Zimbabwe.

Zimbabwe is heavy on Media censorship,mostly due to the fact that their current Ultra-Commander,Robert Mugabe, does not like people cracking jokes about him. Because of this,anyone who jokes or speaks ill about Mugabe immediately has all their works banned in Zimbanana and has a fatwa issued for their death.

Politics in Zimbabwe

No Wikipedia.png
Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Zimbabwe. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.

What Bob say is law! This article should be called Politic in Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe is a fully functioning democracy, but due to hyper inflation could only afford one politic. The same goes for political parties. They could really only afford one. It is known as ZANU-PF, an acronym that stands for Zombies Arses Nazis United (and) Paranoid Fuckers. They would have called themselves the ANC African Nutters (and) Communists, but Nelson Mandela had already copyrighted the name.

Democracy Zimbabwe style means outlawing any opposition, If you start opposition party Bob give you nice pair of Concrete Boots.

What Bob say is law!

His Excellancy has decreed that all the people he doesn't like very much must get fuck out or get strung from Lamp Post! This includes: You, Capitalists, Democracy Lovers,Christians, John Lennon look-a-likes, People who don't like starving to death, the Emperor of India, Television Presenters, Mops, short Opel Kadett Drivers, People who don't exist, Liars, People who don't lie, Chuck Norris, White Jesus, Black Jesus, Fascists, Marxists and People who don't like him.


Bob has decided to turn the Whitey Farms into leisure parks for ZANU-PF members, that's nice of him isn't it!

Places in Zimbabwe

His Greatness Robert Mugabe has decreed that all the place names must be changed because he could not pronounce Salisbury the capital, it has since changed to Harare (meaning Shit-Hole in Afrikaans, though Bob is oblivious to the fact that Afrikaans was never spoken in Zimbabwe) the other city, Umtali, has changed to Mugabegrad. Victoria Falls has since been renamed Mugabe Falls.

Harare (Salisbury)

Harare, originally Salisbury, is the capital of Zimbanana, all the government officials live there and commoners aren't allowed anywhere near it. When Ian Smith was Prime Minister is was simply a run-of-the-mill Colonial city, but now that petrol is ridiculously expensive it's roads are basically race-tracks with pavements, South African youths often go there to race their new cars and go in the Pubs (which are empty) If you are considering going to Harare try not to crash into a Rolls Royce with a small black man with huge glasses in it.

Mugabegrad (Umtali)

Mugabegrad (originally Umtali) is the second city of Zimbanana, it's full of people with AIDS. we don't go there.

Mugabe Falls (Victoria Falls)

The Mugabe Falls were discovered in 1901 by a colonial explorer whose name history has chosen to forget, they were originally named Victoria Falls, in honour of the then Empress of India, Queen Victoria Saxe-Coburg. There used to be some wildlife around the Falls but Mugabe's henchmen have shot all the Antelope and the Cheetah's have decided to pack up and leave.

The death (or lack thereof) of Mugabe

Robert Mugabe is a terminator sent by cyberdyne systems as the world's cruellest practical joke. This is the reason why he nevers ages, nor is never seen not killing. Unfortunately as opposed to the great works of fiction about the Terminators, no man was ever sent back to correct the mistake, and Mugabe has remained as the longest running practical joke in human history. He is not to be confused with Fidel Castro who was also a teminator, but with a glitch that limits him only to killing little children and prairie dogs.

Rise of Ian Smith

On February 7th, 2008, Ian Smith, the deposed Prime Minister overthrew Robert Mugabe as dictator and restored white rule. So far the only action taken against him was an attempted invasion by Switzerland. Their forces had never experienced a proper war and withdrew quickly however and South Africa under the fascism of the Great Leader Jacob Zuma refused to attack a fellow dictator. Smith has done wonderous things for Rhodesia, including bringing back the old flag (a White Policeman beating up a Negro) and having Mugabe's comical government hanged for treason, The white farmers have regained their land back, the inflation rate is at only 20% and no one is starving anymore, Hurray!

See also

Commonwealth of Nations
Australia ~ Bangladesh ~ Belize ~ Botswana ~ Canada ~ Cameroon ~ Cyprus ~ Ghana ~ Great Britain ~ Guyana ~ Heaven ~ Hell ~ India ~ Ireland ~ Jamaica ~ Kiribati ~ Malawi ~ Maldives ~ Malta ~ Mauritius ~ Mozambique ~ Nauru ~ New Zealand ~ Nigeria ~ Pakistan ~ Samoa ~ Singapore ~ South Africa ~ Sri Lanka ~ Swaziland ~ Rwanda ~ Tanzania ~ Tonga ~ Trinidad and Tobago ~ Uganda ~ Zambia ~ Zimbabwe