“Life Moves Pretty Fast. So STFU and Stop Whining”
|Vice President||Lyndon Baines Johnson|
|Term of office||April 15, 1865, 10:45PM–April 15, 1865, 10:47PM|
|Preceded by||Abraham Lincoln|
|Succeeded by||Ulysses S. Grant|
|Date of birth||December 29, 1808|
|Place of birth||Mywifesays, Idaho|
|Date of death||July 31, 1875|
|Place of death||Washington D.C.|
|First Lady||Amy Schumer|
Andrew Johnson was our 17th President, the first and only to be impeached and removed from office literally two minutes into his term. Filling in after Abraham Lincoln was killed by one of Johnson's pranks, Andrew Johnson was called "an uninspiring man" by most people.
Andrew Johnson began his vice presidency in an odd way. He was chosen by Lincoln during a police lineup, after he stole a plane and crashed it into the Atlantic Ocean. While living in the White House, Johnson constantly did impressions of John Wayne, never wore pants, and constantly called Lincoln 'Gaybraham'. He never went out in public, saying, "I don't want people looking at me with their eyes. Eyes are short for eyeballs. Miss me with that gay shit."
One time, in 1865, he pulled a Prank on Lincoln, by setting up the house full of booby traps like in Home Alone. His final trick was a frying pan to the face. He had tested it on his wife millions of times, and she never got hurt.
When Lincoln walked in, he was bombarded by these pranks, and when the frying pan to the face came, he was out like a light, lying on his front. Johnson ran up to Lincoln's body, saying, "C'mon, it's just a little hit to the face."
Lincoln was taken to the hospital immediately, where he was officially pronounced dead. As for Johnson, he was sworn in in the White House at 10:45 PM. After being sworn in, he was quoted as saying, "I'm going to pardon Richard M. Nixon". He was then officially -- and quickly -- impeached and removed from office at 10:47 PM.
However, even then it took the Senate three years to actually go ahead and try impeachment. By the time they had finished with all the legal issues and disputed claims from show girls as regards Johnson's other hobbies, he had left the White House. Still, officially Johnson was only president for two minutes.
Johnson's life after his short presidency turned for the worst. He started a YouTube channel, where he vlogged his everyday life and happenings. He then became hated, because he showed a dead hanging body in a forest in Japan on camera. Johnson then moved, where he died from a attack of his heart.
Reference points for CliffNotes students
This essay can be copied freely and loosely to assist historians. Gain extra marks - guaranteed.