Average Joe

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“Being average is not about being unique, it's about being average”

~ Average Joe on being average

“But then again, isn't he unique in being that average?”

~ A Belgian person who likes to confuse people on Average Joe
Joe Evans in 1985

Joseph "Joe" Everyman, better known as Average Joe (born January 1, 1967) is a human male. He has a job at an office building, where he makes an average income, an average home, an average wife, average children and an extremely average life. He is averagely secretive about himself, typically in looks, and lives in an urban area, in a house. Despite being so average, for some reason people are constantly inquiring about things that Average Joe could acomplish.


Joe was born in Newcastle upon Tyne, England and raised in Middlesbrough in the Netherfields Estate until the age of 5 when his parents moved to Motherwell, a town on the outskirts of Glasgow, Scotland after his father, a steelworker from Sunderland became employed at the Ravenscraig Steelworks in the Lanarkshire town.

Early Life and Education[edit]

In his early life until he left school, he lived and attended primary schools in both Motherwell and Hamilton before completing his schooling at Claremont High School in East Kilbride. There he did moderately well in his Standard Grades (Scottish equivalent of GCSEs) and left at the end of his 5th Year with a ‘B’ in Craft & Design and three ‘C’s in Maths, Chemistry and History to pursue a career as a joiner. He attended North Glasgow College (a college in northern Glasgow) although he failed his first year and decided to move away from joinery.

Later Life[edit]

Enjoying life in the city that he was used to in Middlesbrough, at the age of 21 he became a barman in The Clansman bar, a relatively rough looking but relaxed bar and left his fathers home in East Kilbride to move to his city centre flat at 21B Keir Street, Glasgow. He worked there for 6 years where he built up a friendship with Big Tam who would become Joe’s best friend.

After being accepted for the post as a restaurant bar supervisor at The Riverside Restaurant in Middlesbrough, he then moved back to his stamping ground where he met his would-be-wife Linda Thompson. At the age of 29, he bought his first Middlesbrough season ticket (despite following Motherwell FC as a boy) and then wed Linda at Grangetown Community Church, 12 th September 1996 and enjoyed 6 years of marriage before their divorce in 2002 after Joe caught Big Tam with his wife whilst visiting from Glasgow. In that time, he fathered 2 children called Mark and Ruth who he cared for by himself until his death on 3rd November, 2006 after he was hit by the number 22 bus whilst walking home from a night out. He was later buried at Linthorpe Cemetery in Middlesbrough where he rests in peace and can be visited today.

Even later...[edit]

Even after his death, Average Joe is widely known for his love of pea nuts as seen in the article on pea nuts.

“Mmmmm, pea nuts!”