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DaVinci's Hewlett-Packard printer was to be the undoing of his most famous work, resulting in what art scholars have termed the "Mono Lisa."
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Wednesday August 31 2005

Today's Featured Article - Roller derby

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Roller derby is a contact sport played by two teams of five members, roller skating around a track. Roller derby is played by 1,250 amateur leagues, mostly in the United States, making it the most prominent pastime-claiming-to-be-a-sport except for four square and hedge-trimming.

Game play consists of a series of "jams" featuring a jammer, who wears a star on her helmet. A prior rule specifying that the jammer would wear a jar of jam on her helmet was reformed in 2011 to minimize broken glass on the rink, as well as hunger pangs during matches. Each jammer scores points by passing members of the opposing team, while the many other flabby women on the rink try to help their own jammer and hinder the other; in effect, playing both offense and defense by skating both forward and backward. Then a lot of lapping goes on, though this phase of the game was toned down in 2011 for suburban audiences. The sport has its origins in the skating marathons of the 1930s, and the first roller derbies were contested in midwestern dust bowls. Leo Seltzer and Damon Runyon are credited with transforming this outrageous spectacle into a commercial outrageous spectacle. Unfortunately, theatrical elements overshadowed athleticism, and scripted bouts with predetermined winners abounded. In modern roller derby, however, theatrical elements and athleticism are overshadowed by player egos, ridiculous stage names, and the need to speechify about each star's sex change. (more...)

Previously Featured Article - HowTo:Add sunlight through trees in_Photoshop

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Have you ever wanted to is fundamental to capitalism,add obviously computer-generated rays of sunlight to your trees for that extra touch of fakeness? With Photoshop, it's remarkably easy. Not only can you create sun rays in a photograph, but you can even add them in real life. This is a great way to make your yard more impressive or attract people to your park or real estate. In this tutorial, you'll learn about the technique for creating these rays and how to apply it to real trees. (more...)

You can give ePropz for your fave entries!

comment on this post!! plzthx!!!


JSYK!!!

domizianogalia & T1m2 ! just totally posted this stuff!:

  • ... that if you hold a seashell to your ear at the beach, you can hear the ocean?


More more more


Calender, don't forget my B-DAY

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September 18: God's Birthday. Happy birthday, God!

  • Infinity BCE - God is born.
  • 13 trillion BCE - God receives the universe as a birthday present and breaks it six days later.
  • 3200 BCE - S'dhkai, a Canaanite, is struck down by lightning when he forgets God's birthday.
  • 2500 KFC - Israelites hold a birthday party for God, mistake him for a gold cow.
  • 1 CE - God has His first child... with hilarious results!
  • 1000 - God is scheduled to make a special birthday speech to the world, but cancels at the last minute.
  • 1609 - Gordon Edgeway and George Bennett are fused together in a nuclear fusion reaction; the resulting matter is named Gordon Bennett.
  • 1873 - The Panic of 1873 begins.
  • 1874 - The Drinking Binge of 1874 begins.
  • 1875 - The Mother of All Headaches begins.
  • 1997 - National referendum in Wales - an overwhelming majority (87.13%) vote yes on a motion to send out for pizza.
  • 1998 - Jenna Jameson beats off stiff competition to take an Oscar for her part in 7-Up.
  • 2000 - God is scheduled to make a special birthday speech to the world from Paris, but cancels at the last minute again. Rioting ensues.
  • 2001 - God gets drunk at His birthday party and passes out in Buddha's bathroom.

Even more kool stuff!!!!!!!!

Writer of the Month

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


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Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


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It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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