Baritone saxophone
Baritone saxophone is a term used to describe any horrible looking torture and/or murder weapon from 1392 to 1645. While many consider the baritone saxophone to be merely a giant version of the saxophone, the history of the baritone saxophone is actually much greater and extensive.
Origins[edit]
While the exact origins of the baritone saxophone are unknown, they can be traced back to the early 14th century, around the time when the Americans invented France as an alternative to their growing litter problem. As the baritone saxophone became more popular, the demand soon outgrew the production rate and this led King Joshua IX to order the selling of the Falkland Islands to fund a new factory.
Medieval uses[edit]
The baritone saxophone has been a part of European history, from the time Europe was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton, to the Renaissance. During the great black plague, the baritone saxophone was used along with a host of other torture devices to force peasants to reveal any places they knew of where the plague was.
Royal uses[edit]
Marie Antoinette was a huge fan of the baritone saxophone. She took lessons on it for approximately 3 months, before giving up and using it to torture many innocent victims, until her public beheading by Sir Elton John.
Modern uses[edit]
Today, the baritone saxophone features in many historic prison tours, horror movies and jazz ensembles. It seems to be highly common that each secondary school owns one, and just as common that they never use it. While there is a law in 38 countries around the world prohibiting the use of baritone saxophones, many other countries continue to use it in gang related murders. Boys who play the baritone saxophone tend to be amazing provided they do not dress like gay metros, and Girls who play the instrument tend to be self-obsessed, and believe they are superior to male bari players despite the clear fact that they are in fact far from it, as male bariton players are far more talented. However, their experience from blowing such a large instrument does transfer to the bedroom.
Anyone who plays the baritone saxophone can blow breathe into the instrument at an incredible rate, considering all the tubing. They can hold their breath for a very long time, and can also bear a lot of weight. Common uses of the baritone sax in High School is hitting douches who play the Alto Sax, Tenor Sax, or Trumpet and think they're better than you.
Contrabass saxophone[edit]
A Saxophone so large that when it is played, anyone who hears the note loses complete control of their bowels. This is also known as the brown note, except every note on the contrabass saxophone is a brown note.