Bovine Intervention
So let's say you're walking, and you've been having a day. You're about to be off so your boss can vacate more. Your eight year old daughter has informed you that she hates you. Your wife won't stop complaining about this or that and is mad at you for never listening. And your feet really hurt.
Needless to say, you're pissed and you're not really looking where you're going. Which couldn't be worse, as you enter the wrong lane just as a large cement truck gets near.
- VROOM
Suddenly, a cow falls from the sky and the truck hits it and not you.
You sue for mental anguish, and the settlement allows you to live comfortably for the rest of your life. Your wife shoots herself and your kids because they need soap and cannot find soap and you cross one more headache off the list. As for your feet, well, you don't have to work another day of your life, you'll let that one slide.
Imagine, if you will, that you're a teenager from a broken home. Father ran away, mother is clinically depressed and you fall in with a bad crowd. You are introduced to drugs and become severely addicted. As you become completely dependent on crack and kittens, your friends turn their backs on you, and when you mother finally commits suicide, you lose all hope. Your single goal in life becomes your next fix. Life passes you by as you prostitute yourself in order to feed your addiction. You've hit rock bottom, and all you're really doing is waiting for the end while unhappymiddle-aged businessmen pay you ten dollars per hour to live their most sordid fantasies. One day, your pimp beats you up and leaves you for dead in an alley. As you lie on the cold pavement, one eye half half open, unable and unwilling to move, you can vaguely make out a warm bright light, slowly immersing you. You struggle to open both eyes and see a large cow approaching you. As you touch its nose you are filled with all the love and compassion in the world before you finally black out.
You awake again in a hospital, where the doctor tells you you were found by two police officers and brought to the hospital. Forever changed by the experience, you waste no time in getting your health back, breaking your drug habit and writing a multi-million dollar bestseller. You appear on Oprah to tell your tale. Oprah pauses for a meaningful silence 6 times during the interview and 14 women in the audience cry, doubling the sales of your book. Backstage you jizz on Oprah and she screams. You live out the rest of your days, happy, deeply and spiritually fullfilled in your country estate.
Another exampel of Bovine Intervention is a robotics team of that name, Team 686. Google us.
Explanation?[edit]
Try all you like, it can't be explained. Nothing can explain the amazingness of bovine intervention. Only someone who can claim ownership of, not one, but two cows can ever know the truth and beauty of bovine intervention.
If you are blessed by such an incident, you are one of the luckiest people in the world, as the cow's grace is not easily earned. High five.
ALSO SEE
Cow plunges off cliff onto moving minivan
Wed 7 Nov 2007, 2:11 GMT
[-] Text [+] SPOKANE, Washington (Reuters) - A cow plunged from a 200-foot (61-metre) cliff onto the hood of a minivan on a highway in central Washington state, according to police.
The car's occupants, Charles and Linda Everson, were not hurt in Sunday's accident, but the cow was euthanized at the scene.
"If the cow had fallen a split second later, the animal would have landed right in their laps," said Jeff Middleton, criminal deputy of the Chelan County Sheriff's Department.
Middleton estimated the animal weighed 600 lbs (272 kilograms), or the average size of a mature cow. It had been missing for two days and wandered 5 miles (8 km) from home near the popular Lake Chelan tourist area.