Brett Kavanaugh

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A satirical meme depicting Kavanaugh as a fascist.

Brett Kavanaugh is a Supreme Court justice that has been accused of attempted sexual assault and believes that it is better to kill three million Iraqis than it is to kill one baby at home. He is the most conservative judge on the Supreme Court. He (says he was) a virgin like Jesus's mother at the time he was accused by 2 people, which is not a real defense. Brett Kavanaugh is a girls' soccer coach, which does not mean that he was not a rapist 30 years ago. He is the true face of conservatism in modern America and conservatives would not be offended by this because conservative voters are energized by losing the Supreme Court because it is the one part of the government that is not democratic.

His Genesis[edit]

Brett Kavanaugh was born in 1965 to a virgin woman named Marie Linda Kavanaugh. She was politically a moderate who leaned slightly right and it was believed by his liberal classmates that he was born to stop the Civil Rights movement. It turned out that that it was true and it would show on the national stage 53 years later. The timing of his birth was not a coincidence and drew attention from his classmates.

Early Life[edit]

Brett Kavanaugh attended an elite private school in Washington, D.C. Despite the fact the school he went to was an elite private school for wealthy 95% white people and an all-boys school, he was bullied for his right wing beliefs and took them out on people by sexually assaulting them. He is like Aaron Schlossberg, a lawyer that supports Donald Trump (the man that nominated Kavanaugh) and shouted at people for speaking Spanish. Kavanaugh a very manipulative person who does not really care about the law but cares about his own agenda instead. In college, he tried unsuccessfully to rape someone named Debrez.

Late Life[edit]

In 2042, Brett Kavanaugh will have a 29% approval rating and a 59% disapproval rating because the world will have moved to be more liberal. Sadly, America is usually behind in this trend because of politics. Brett Kavanaugh will not be shot, however, because the world has moved strongly in a liberal direction and is forced to resign. Then, the scythes come for him the next year and declare him a "vestige" and refuse to give him the life immunity because they decide that gleaning him goes against the Scythe commandment of not killing with malice of forethought.

Notable People Who Voted For Him[edit]

Remember, the Supreme Court is one of the least democratic institutions in America. The Supreme Court doesn't have term limits to insulate people from political influences, which is not true because the Donald says so. Two notable people who voted for him are Susan Collins (a so-called moderate) and Joe Minchin, a conservative Democrat who is slightly to the right of Susan Collins. Right before the election, Democrats who were hoping to tap into people who are undecided moderates by donating $20.20 against her Senate bid for 2020.

Confirmation Hearings[edit]

During the confirmation hearings, Kavanaugh pretended to be neutral by using his static originalist ideology as an excuse. He was accused of sexual assault and he defended himself saying that he was a girl's basketball coach who coached his own daughters. His liberal doppelganger has been spotted helping out at a soup kitchen. During these hearings, over 200 people were arrested by fascist police.

Future Actions[edit]

We can't (exactly) say what Kavanaugh will do in the future, but we can make a few guesses based on the rulings he has already done and what we know about conservatives in general. First, he will repeal Roe v. Wade if he can.


Like all other Supreme Court justices, Brett Kavanaugh is a member of an institution that is not subject to popular vote, and therefore is undemocratic. Kavanaugh cannot be voted out by the public. This is because the Founding Fathers believed that the SCOTUS justices had to be immune from all liberal interference because the founders were conservative. In the protests, when some women who disagree with Kavanaugh said that they disagree with him, the Republican senators ordered the arrest of people for protesting him because they are part of the Guns and Oil Party.

See also[edit]