British spelling

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When tourists Big Ben of Great Britain visit, key it is to British English speak and write. Else your drunken curses and tagging understand they will not.

Often misspelt "Brittish spelling" or "incorrect spelling", mostly by Americans, British spelling is the most correct method of spelling words in the Inglish langwidge. It is often juxtaposed with the spelling of American English, and with the French language. Due to various reasons, most Americans seem to think that British-spelt English is plain wrong or archaic. Then again, most Americans probably think the Grand Canyon is located next to Ayer's rock.


Many have hypothesised that British spelling was created when the social elite of the British empire emigrated to the Americas, leaving the uneducated without substantial knowledge about how to write their own language, let alone speak it. While it is argued by some that it was the other way around, like all things in modern society, this article will take the American perspective.

Jesus and the English language[edit]

The creator of the English language, Jesus, originally chose to write using American spelling, not due to logical reasons, but because it would frustrate convicts for all eternity and help them repent for not being American. However, Jesus was not without competition, and soon after releasing his draft for his holy language, Zamenhoff himself released a similar project to the public dubbed "Latin words arbitrarily taken from the dictionary and turned into a language". The "Englishists" and the "Esperantists" started fighting, until a whole bunch of English speakers realised how lame "Englishist" was, and defected to create a new language altogether. This language was at first called Newspeak, but after serious review was renamed Old English. From this day since, the English as spoken in Britain and the English as spoken in America have both been utter bollocks in spelling, grammar, pronunciation and overall logic.

Areas used[edit]

British spelling is often thought (mistakenly) to be spoken in countries that like tea more than Americans. This is wrong, though, as the Japanese love tea, but prefer American spelling, thinking that Australians actually speak Hawaiian, and the British actually speak Latin, albeit it with a terrible accent. One country that British spelling is thought to be used in is Western Australia, however Western Australians quite likely speak a dialect of Dutch and not English at all. This may explain why Western Australians have been pushed all the way to the other desolate side of the continent, as Dutch and Hawaiian originated from entirely different universes. In fact, in all likeliness, the only person who probably writes using British spelling is the Queen of England. But, as stated in the article regarding the Queen, she is actually German.


Many have no doubt asked this question. However, like the answer to life, the answer to this question is best put in numeric form as ̦4264.6. As you can see, this answer is completely incoherent, and avoids the entire issue altogether. All users of British spelling who have tried to explain the reasons for it have often given up, after realising that it is not more logical than American spelling, and that they are both just as damn confusing.