“I don't have anything to say about Bruges. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“Bruges is a fucking shit hole”
“That's for John Lennon, ya Yankee fuckin' cunt!”
“I grew up in Dublin, I love Dublin. Maybe, if I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me, but I didn't, so, it doesn't”
Bruges is a very boring city in the very boring province of West-Vlaanderen in the very boring country of Belgium. Because of this, the author of this article may or may not have spiced things up a bit, by inserting very subtle exagerations and slightly twisted facts.
BRUGES IS ON TEH MOON!!... Wait, what?... I said slightly twisted facts...Ok, Bruges used to be near the sea, and we all know it will be near the sea again (with all that global warming going on) so just remember this: Bruges is near the sea. It will eventually become the Venice of Belgium, but that's not until april 12, 2032, so just forget that for now. Bruges is a mere 44 km from Ghent to the southeast and 145km from Brussels, and, it's just 385000 km from the moon. The neighbouring villages are: Waffle Ville, Sprouttown, Tinkle Town, and New Seattle.
Bruges was inhabited in 400 BC by a group of lost mongolians. As they settled they found the area rich with resources of boredom and gray weather.
Later on during the medieval times, Bruges became known for the creativity of it's inhabitants, in fact the first ever recorded instance of a group suicide was registered in Bruges, when Jan the Mongolian and Pieter the wiseman with the crooked cock, convinced a group of their loyal followers that God would punish them for their sins (mainly consisting in marrying their own cousins), by sending down from the skies sunny weather and nightclubs.
A statue in honour of these pioneers is today erected in the main market square of Bruges, also the tower that overlooks the square was based on the form of noble man Pieter's crooked cock. And tourists today can still buy and enjoy fries shaped into the form of his member.
We all like hot chicks, cold beer, cool nightclubs, so naturally Bruges has none of that. Why do you think Dr Evil (Bruges most famous inhabitant) became so evil? Not because he was having a good time in Bruges! Seriously, the only good thing Bruges has to offer is Brugse Zot, which means "The Bruges' crazy man" and is a kind of beer. Needless to say, if you drink to much of it, you'll go crazy. So it isn't even that good. Apart from that, Bruges is all about small alleys, (perfect for robbing old ladies) old buildings such as the Sagrada Familia, (yawn) and Bruges' main export products are: starch and boredom. (yawn again.)
Dr Evil (most famous Brugeaiulean)
Jan The Mongolian (founder of Bruges)
Pieter The Wiseman With The Crooked Cock (co-founder of Bruges)
Rik Torfs (Bruges' popular cocaine snorting vampire)
Jan Van Eyck (Painter)
Kamagurka (Cartoonist and comedian)
Jean-Pierre Van Rossem (Genius, master thief, politician and prisoner)
As mentioned before, Bruges main export product is starch, and starch related products such as: starch porridge, starch and sprouts tv dinners, the tv show Husky and Starch, the tv show Starch and Starch, and furthermore, starch starch starch starch starch. In 2032 however, the main export product will become Ecstacy. Many labs throughout the town are already producing it, but the inhabitants of Bruges are waiting for the sea to come back so they can export the stuf by ship.
Bruges has a "seapark", which is called the Dolphinarium. This is not really a seapark though, it's actually a training facility for military dolphins. The dolphins there are trained to tip over ships with their snouts, do recon missions, and even to defuse seamines. Some inhabitants of Bruges say that genetic modification goes on there as well, and that the Dolphinarium is creating flying dolphins. Wether this is to be attribuated to the halucinogenic properties of the "Brugse Zot" or not, is unsure at this point.