Budd Dwyer

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Budd Dwyer also played the trombone. I think.

“He was such an appealing fellow...”

~ Mrs. Budd Dwyer on Budd Dwyer

“Yeah, I'm still a-peeling chunks of his skull off of the walls...”

~ Janitor on Budd Dwyer

Budd Dwyer (also known as R. Budd Dwyer) was a politician from the state of Pennsylvania. His professional success was hampered by his erratic personal behavior and frequent legal troubles, including incarceration. Dwyer's work is known for advocating political, economic, social, and racial equality as well as his raw descriptions of violence, drug and alcohol abuse, and conflicts with the law. Near the end of his life, Dwyer's career had hit a rough spot, but he still managed to go out with a bang.

Final Days

After being accused of several scandals, Dwyer had decided that he needed to hold a press conference, and win back the people's trust. He needed to think of something that would impress the citizens, so he decided to show them his famous trick: how to suck a bullet out of a gun. He arranged the press conference on a snow day, so that all the children of Philadelphia would be watching.

Press Conference

On the day of the conference, Dwyer stepped up on stage, and made the following speech:

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquity of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers; and they will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon them!

He then proceeded to give envelopes full of money to all of his friends (As a backup plan in case his trick didn't win them over). Finally, he pulled the revolver out of an envelope, and said "Please leave the room if this will offend you", figuring that some of the older audience members would be shocked at his feat. He then proceeded to give the audience a piece of his mind; those closest to him received that and more.

The conference failed to win over any of his detractors.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Budd Dwyer.
  • Is the father of Julie Dwyer, that chick that drowned in Clerks.
  • Liked his Chocolate Guns filled with peanut butter, not the marshmallow ones.
  • Preferred a filter on his faucet when acquiring tap water

See also