Eric Trump

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Eric Trump comparing waterboarding to college hazing.

Eric Frederick "Brains" Trump (born January 6, 1984) is an American businessman, philanthropist, and former reality television personality. He is the third manchild and second son of 45th U.S. President Donald Trump and his First Lady first wife Ivana Trump. Eric's siblings include Don Jr., Ivanka, Tiffany and Barron.

Early life and career[edit]

Eric's parents split when his father ran after model Marla Maples. Nicknamed the ironic moniker "Brains", Eric Trump left school to work in the Trump Organized Graft Corporation. His duties were to raise money from Russians and Germans to finance his father's business. Remarkably, he was very successful at doing this. Those Russkies and Sausage-Eaters were so obliging.

Eric's virtues[edit]

Don Junior and Eric eliminate other rivals in the Who Loves Daddy More? TV show.

Hmmm...we'll get back to you dear reader. Perhaps Eric will find God...and ask them (all three of the Holy Trinity) if they want to invest in real estate in Hell.

Eric's vices[edit]

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Eric Trump.

Where to start... lies, cheats, shoots. Tries to act as the family idiot when in truth...he is. Doesn't know Stormy Daniels (so he says).

Starting a riot[edit]

Yes, you were there Eric on January 6, 2021. You were handing out compasses to Donald's supporters so that they could find the Capitol.

See also[edit]