Force wielders (Star Wars)

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A force wielder is some one in Star Wars who uses the power of deus ex machina to save the day. Whether you're a pretentious Jedi, who preaches about keeping the peace while simultaneously invading several planets and causing many battles, or a Sith who preaches about how powerful they are while simultaneously working in the shadows and avoiding getting seen, you're a force wielder.

The Force[edit]

The force can do anything. You can trick people, float stuff, sense stuff, come back as a ghost, and project yourself to distant worlds now apparently. The force is the most convenient thing in the galaxy. If there's something that can't be done, the force can do it. Unfortunatley, the force is like Pokémon games, some force perks are exclusive to certain sides of the force. If you want to shoot lightning out of your hands, you gotta have the dark side. If you want to be a ghost, you gotta have the light side. Also, the force lets you fly through the vacuum of space like Super Man.

Jedi[edit]

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The main requirement for being a Jedi - besides being powerful in the force - is to be good. And let go of your family and friends, show no emotion at all, leave home when you're like two, be willing to sacrifice your life, and be a complete hypocritical prick. If you're a Jedi, you're only allowed to have one of two favorite colors: blue or green. Choose wisely, because those are the only color options you get for your magical laser sword of death. If you're really good, you can even have a purple or yellow one!Why do Jedi need lightsabers? They are supposed to be peace-keepers, right? No silly, Jedi aren't actual peace keepers. That's just bragging point. As mentioned before, the Jedi have a number of random convenient powers at their disposal. They have the power to become ghosts through very convoluted means, they have the power to make freaking lightning come out of the sky if they're ghosts, and the convenient power of astro-projection to other planets! (Although they die if they do this for to long.) An important rule of the Jedi is to make sure that you don't prevent tragedy by all means. If you know the secrets of coming back as a force ghost, keep it to yourself until you realize that all the Jedi are dead, and there's only one other Jedi left to learn it. If you're being approached by a senior sith lord, use the light saber skills you learned when you were like seven, I'm sure they'll serve you well, and I'm sure he won't be able to wipe you out immediately. Also, Jedi can block force lightning with their hands for some reason. Some Jedi are special though, and they have skills that no other Jedi has. Like Plo Koon, who can shoot lightning from his hands for some reason.The all wise and powerful Jedi are able to sense when danger approaches. Not really though, because just one Sith lord can completely block their ability to do this somehow, and then an army of significantly inferior genetic copies is able to wipe them all out entirely. Oh boy, they definitely learned from that mistake! I sure hope that a rag tag team of Sith assassins led by a teenager aren't able to wipe out the entire next generation of Jedi while their leader is unconsious.

The Jedi Council[edit]

The Jedi Council is the most elite group of Jedi in the Galaxy. They make decisions for all Jedi, and discuss thoroughly to make sure everyone agrees. And by that I mean Yoda and Master Windu briefly discuss a topic for thirty seconds. Fun fact: it takes the average person longer to decide what type of pizza they'll buy then it takes for the Jedi Counsel to decide whether or not to train a super force sensitive nine-year-old.

Sith[edit]

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The Sith are more free than the Jedi... supposedly. The only real requirement for the Sith is you have to be a psycopath. You have to fuel your fighting with anger and brute, which makes you less observant to your surroundings, which is why the Sith always lose. No, screw that, the Sith always lose because there's only two of them. You'd think that there'd be an issue with your ideology if your organization is so unstable that you have to limit yourself to two just so that everyone doesn't kill each other and wreck the whole organization. But, no. They have to resort to secret plotting and hiding in order to actually do anything. Also, if you're Sith, you'd better like red, because that's the only sword option you get. The unspoken rule of the Sith is that every new villain must have a wacky looking lightsaber. A gimmicky dual sided one, a flamy three blade one, a freaking whip. You'll look way more wizard if you have a crazy death sword, than if you have a normal one. That's why Kylo Ren and Darth Maul are more popular than Darth Vader.

Holocrons[edit]

The Jedi and Sith decided that they were to good for books, so they created Holocrons. The Jedi have box shaped ones, while the Sith have pyramid shaped ones. They basically store information, and can only be opened through the force. Also, for some reason, if you open both at the same time, you get a wish. I wonder how they figured that out. In order to do it you need a Sith and a Jedi to sit down together and open them right next to each other. Why is that a feature?