Giffgaff
giffgaff is a virtual mobile network operator. It was set up by a department within O2 as part of an experiment into living without capital letters. giffgaff operate from the Greene King Isles, just north of Dublin, and employ munchkins to process payments and move data between O2’s network and the rest of the Internet using a system of chocolate teapots on hot conveyor belts. They have a backup scheme that uses the Royal Mail.
Rather than employ support staff, they have a arrangement consisting of:
- The community — Normal people with no communications experience, rewarded with credit to keep telling people to check coverage and turn their phones off and on again
- Go-betweeners — These are sometimes able to influence munchkins
- Dredds — These always deal with problems swiftly, except on occasions known as dread-locks.
History[edit]
giffgaff was launched in 2009, originally offering a prepaid SIM card. Fidelity was not good and it made no difference to shout into the card, though some clients got good results sliding it into a phone.
Later, they introduced bundles of minutes, texts, and data, called "goodybags," a concept suggested on the community forums. There was so much trolling on that forum that the feature was almost named "douchebags" instead. In 2012, giffgaff announced that goodybags could renew automatically, provided the client typed in his bank information and signed a power-of-attorney over to the company.
giffgaff then added data-only tethering plans, called "feedbags." These have been retired as all clients now feed directly from the slop trough.
In 2014, giffgaff added goodybags that delivered 4G service. That year, giffgaff became an official Apple carrier, as well as an Apple-polisher. This meant that they stocked iPhones in their online shop, enabling options such as tethering. The shop also has Samsungs, as well as refurbished devices where the brand names are sanded off.
Client rewards[edit]
giffgaff has no customer service lines, not even in Pakistan. Client bafflement is routed to an online community, where other clients may have an answer and it may be correct.
Clients who do useful things, such as resolve other clients' bafflement or especially recruit new customers, receive a virtual currency called "payback points." Payback points can be exchanged for feedbags or donated to charities approved by the community. The company promises to match each donation; then again, the company also promises to switch data and deliver texts. A client who recruits 15 other clients becomes a "super recruiter," eligible to receive other benefits, such as cleaning products from Amway (another, probably unrelated, business that specialises in having customers recruit more customers) and even visits to giffgaff headquarters to talk with actual people.
Criticism[edit]
Purchasers of goodybags claiming to provide unlimited Internet complained to the Advertising Standards Authority when they were refused further sale. The reason giffgaff gave was a clause in the terms-and-conditions stating that clients could be disconnected "if you do anything". The ASA concluded that the clients had done something, and the promotion was advertised correctly. The plan has been replaced with an "Always On" product that is Always On, provided the client wishes to pull an all-nighter.
Most giffgaff adverts are offensive, gaining the viewers' attention with gimmicks such as zombies, intestines, and children watching their parents have sex. The ASA reviews all complaints, splits hairs so as to find that the advert did not violate any standards, while recommending that the company clean up its act, next time.
Clients often complain about being unable to shift more than 100 bits of data per day through the giffgaff network. They are told by the community to ask a go-betweener to find out how many Internet packets are still in flight.