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GoldTurd (released in Japan as "Toukibi the Cellist" "セロ弾き の トウキビ") is a (fictional) dystopian 3D sidescroll platformer similar to Clockwork Knight and Skull Monkeys.

The proantagonist, GoldTurd (who is a typical cornturd - leftovers from a redneck's BBQ picnic) plays subpar amateur piano for the garden veggies to honour the first day of fall - when an evil eggplant, Mr. Crapper, snatches his fiancee, Nugget. Nugget is deported to North Korea for unknown reasons. GoldTurd takes a portal to North Korea and must rescue Nugget before she's turned to corn mush!


Goldturd looks similar to Clockwork Knight - except Goldturd's a cornturd, OBVIOUSLY. He can fling corn specks at enemies, bop them on the head, and slide down and up hills and walls. He makes funny chants and sayings whilst attacking enemies.

In each level, Goldturd must fight many bosses and midbosses in dark alleys and an abandoned whoopie cusion factory.

Similar to the bricks from Mario games, if Goldturd hops on a Piano Cube, he could get a quick power up, like 30-second invincibility, HP, or a golden fly swatter.

Bosses and Mid-Bosses[edit]

Throughout the game, Goldturd must fight many bosses and midbosses, from an angry countryside boulder to a mutant Mr. Crapper!