Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/January 31

Delicious!

January 31: National Ice Cream Day

• 201 - Ice cream is invented in Rome, but it quickly melts due to the lack of refrigerators. Everyone is forced to slurp it. Citizens Baskini and Robbinus work to solve the problem by making offerings to the snowcone god.
• 1551 - French explorers with sensitive teeth die exploring Northern Africa after keeling over in pain from eating ice cream, leaving themselves open to attack by savage tribesmen who quickly behead them.
• 1819 - Heinrich Maanschweisener creates a means to produce dots from ice cream; he is defenestrated later that year on the orders of Baron Rottweil von Friendly of the restaurant chain, who fears for his monopoly on frozen treats.
• 1928 - Stalin re-invents ice cream and names it Stalin Cream. USSR rejoices but the American scum lose their underwear.
• 1931 - The first ice cream stand is opened in Siberia and proves to be popular with polar bears who drop by to eat the employees.
• 1949 - Bluebell ice cream gains its first customer and first fatality, continuing this tradition for many years.
• 1960 - Vespugian president Manuel del Caracos, on a tour of America, drowns when he falls into a flash-freezer at the Pittsburgh Dippin' Dots factory.
• 1979 - Ben and Jerry's "Popped Cherry" ice cream is a hit.
• 1980 - Alexei Kalashnikov, proprietor of a meager Baskin Robbins parlor in Stalingrad, defects to the West and takes the secret recipe for Dippin' Dots with him.
• 1981 - Brain freeze becomes a popular inherited and permanent condition with US presidents.
• 1982 - Cookie Puss is arrested for stalking the Beastie Boys.
• 1991 - Dunkin' Donuts loses a hedge-trimming contest to Dairy Queen.
• 2007 - Coaticook brand ice cream hits shelves in Quebec, with catheter flavor proving to be popular.
• 2009 - After a cat infestation in their factory, Ben & Jerry's introduces "Cat Pan Crunch" flavor.
• 2085 - Dippin' Dots production headquarters are obliterated by an Iranian superweapon; Friendly's rejoices.