KLCC

The Petronas Twin Tower, also known among gay tourists as the Petronas twin wangs.

“How tall and erect yours is!”

~ Oscar Wilde

Petronas Twin Tower, known locally as the KLCC, is the most important building in Malaysia. In Malay it is called Menara Berkembar Petronas or KL-Sissy. DotA players know it as the Frozen Tower of Petronas.

On a clear day (assuming no haze from Sumatra), the towers are visible from Jakarta. They attract hundreds of thousands of Indonesians every year just on the off-chance that it will be visible. The blinking light of the towers is frequently used by Indonesian planes as guide for direction. This is the local analog to "Instrument Flight Regulations." On hazy nights, unlike instrument flying, the blinking light is invisible and planes crash.

The Twin Towers are the only true icons of Malaysia and certainly more functional and useful than Indonesia's Monas. Without this building, the rest of the world might still be oblivious to Malaysia; especially Westerners who think Malaysians still live in trees as their neighbors in Indonesia do.

The early design of the Twin Tower which was rejected.

Adding the "onion head" to the Twin Towers design made the Twin Towers resemble gigantic condoms. The architect was sacked by the Prime Minister and detained by the ISA for a few years. Later, the Condom Twin Towers were modified to become the current model, the Jagung, or Rocket Twin Towers.

Malaysia's dream to build and launch its own rocket into space is still, sadly, a pathetic joke, but it is believed that any future rocket will closely resemble the Twin Towers. In fact, during its construction, the CIA suspected the Petronas Twin Towers of being a missile with a payload of mass destruction.

Record-setting height

The main purpose of the Twin Towers is for Malaysia to show off to the world, in the name of Malaysia Boleh ("Bully, Malaysia!"); as opposed to Indonesia's slogan, Indon Tak Boleh ("Indonesia, it's not all that"). It also aims to shame Singapore, whose tallest building is only 60 stories. Lately, the Twin Towers are the envy of backward neighbor Hindunesia, whose claim to be the prime tugu builder in the region is now all just talk.

The Americans are simply jealous, as the World Trade Center, supposedly the tallest building in the world, is not, because the antenna on top of the tower does not count. Happily, on September 11, 2001, Osama Bin Laden shortened the New York towers considerably, settling the dispute and rendering the Petronas Twin Towers the tallest in the world.

However, in 2005, the Petronas Twin Towers lost this honor to Taipei 101 — a skyscraper, not a Freshman-level course on how to start a rebel country. KLCC remains the tallest Twin Towers, and also the tallest buildings in a benighted Third-World hell-hole.

Full employment

Indonesia is fond of these towers, record-setting or not, because their construction provided employment for thousands of Indonesians, not to mention a few Bangladeshis until their tragic premature deaths on the construction site.

Malaysians used to believe that only one tower belongs to Petronas while the other belongs to Malaysian billionaire Ananda Krishnan. (Malaysians also spend inordinate time discussing the parentage of a child when the father of his identical twin is certain.) Engineers, perhaps taking a cue from bin Laden, solved this dispute too, by ensuring that the tower from which Krishnan runs his Maxis telephone empire was one foot shorter than the other. If the world's next diabolical enemy wants to play a game of giant dominoes with these towers, therefore, he will only be able to topple them if striking from one direction.