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Today's featured article – The Addams Family The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. John Addams was born on October 30, 1735 in Quincy, Massachusetts. However, creepily, he was not known as John Quincy Addams, as that would be the other one, who was not known as anything at the time. John was the son of a cordwainer, also named John and also not named Quincy. He was a Puritan, railing against libertinage and debauchery. And he was a Federalist. All pretty creepy, at least the archaic verbiage. (more...) Recently featured: Finnish sauna The B-52s UnNews:I had a birthday and you need to know it Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Finnish sauna The Sauna (pronounced SOW-NAH), or "Really Hot Place Containing Naked People" is a Finnish invention that many nations (i.e. Russia) falsely claim to have invented (See liar),[1] It was first recorded in the year 1050 B.C (Before cookies) by the Sosumi people in the Arctic Circle as a range of sounds to use everytime they hooked in a seal for dinner. (more...) Did you know... ... that while 3 Card Monte is a known scam, 2 Card Monte is easier to play and winnable? (pictured) ... behind every successful man is a hairy ass? ... to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together? ... that Tetris is generally considered to be the cause of the collapse of the USSR? ... that when a man with a .45 meets a man with a rifle, the man with a pistol will start giggling uncontrollably over the scene in Fistful of Dollars? ... Ham Chan is a 4chan imageboard on Iranian servers dedicated to pork and pork products? ... that explorer Robert Peary, first to reach the North Pole except for seals and whales, also was first to reach the West Pole that no one knew existed?

In the news French guard Buckingham Palace (pictured) Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized Royal shock as original photo discovered Biden v Trump rematch confirmed UK bans puberty for children Germany spills British military secrets Scientists meld nuclear fusion and AI Brits make book on King Charles cancer U.S. returns to the moon Miami aliens finger new Epstein clients Israel boasts of precision in bombings it didn't do Ukraine destroys large Russian warship, again GOP will have no candidates in 2024 Argentina goes off the deep end Beatles complete sequel trilogy On this day... April 23: Bring Your Penis To Work Day, Don't Leave Your Buttcheeks at Work Day 303 - St. George takes his penis to beat the dragon with. Dragon turns out to be into that kinda stuff. 1179 - Richard the Lionhearted attempts to engage King Philip of France in a penis sword fight; "Homo you don't!" replies Philip. 1538 - Truce of Nice: Emperor Charles V and Francis I of France agree that the terms foreskin and prepuce are interchangeable. 1562 - Elizabeth I vows not to take a penis to work, or her bed chamber. 1875 - Queen Victoria outlaws the word penis; decrees henceforth the organ shall be known as "Naughty Mr. Johnson". 1905 - The Royal Society compare penis sizes. Von Lynchenstein has the largest penis. 1909 - Czarina Alexandra beholds Rasputin's penis and won't let go. 1941 - Lead singer from Lordi enters a beauty contest against a penis; penis wins. 1953 - Queen Elizabeth II announces that she shall confer upon the penis the title of Sir. 1967 - Bono is voted the "World's Biggest Penis". 1982 - ZX Spectrum is released to the public, its keyboard made completely of recycled condoms. 1993 - Bill Clinton becomes the first USA president since JFK to bring his penis to the White House. 2005 - The B-lizard's penis freezes and falls off. Adventure Quest is voted the best game ever made by stoners. 2008 - Your mom forgets to pack your penis in your lunchbox. You get teased the rest of the day. 2009 - Tiger Woods brings his penis all over the place, including a Perkins Restaurant.

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This is an African giraffe running you the fuck down. Image credit: Zombiebaron

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