Marine Le Pen

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Marine's official 2012 election poster.
Marine's poster became Female Doctor.

“The best Canadian woman in history!”

~ Donald Trump on Le Pen

Marine the Pen (born 5 August 1968) is a French politician, who is the president of the fart-right party, the Front National Non-socialiste and plans to takeover France. The only that could stop her from doing is for the French to vote for Sarkozy or anyone else. She is the daughter of Jean-Marie Le Pen and Pierrette Le Pen, a woman who swopped life as a possible First Lady of France to that of a Playboy magazine model in her mid 50s. She is considered by many to be "the Mother of the Alt-right," because their real mother is mean and asks them to contribute to the household in some way while they're living there.

Like her father, Marine quickly gained a reputation for populist targeting of those viewed hostile to France. She let her father go on about the Jewish cabal in control of French political life whilst stirred up her own abuse pot to throw at the largely North African immigrant community. Like her father Marine regarded games like football as the great underminer of French culture. Marine liked to model herself on Joan of Arc and hoped to drive the English language and fat, red-faced interlopers from across the English Channel.

Early life[edit]

It was a dog's life for Marine until she got her hair cut. Seen here with papa Jean-Marie and mama Pierette.

Marine was born into politics. Her father had been mightly pissed with Charles de Gaulle for handing back Algeria to the Algerians instead of keeping it as a French nudist colony. Young Marine grew to hate the party of Charles de Gaulle and all those associated with it. In 1976 she and her family survived a bomb attack, though many people wish she and her father didn't.

Marine attended the local Catholic school, where she used to draw pictures of the head of then French president, Valéry Giscard d'Estaing, in a basket. When the teacher found out about the pictures, she was expelled from the school, but her father helped to get revenge and Marine was accepted back in the school, after her teacher's head was found in a basket in the forest.

Afterward leaving school, Marine went off to college where she wanted to become a lawyer to help her dad fight expensive legal battles with the 'reds'. She got through two husbands and a long list of lovers, all of them politically checked to make sure none were sleeper socialists.

Front National Non-socialiste leadership[edit]

In 2010, Marine announced that she would run for the leadership of the Front National Non-socialiste. Party members (idiots) voted by post to elect their new president and the hundred members of the Central Committee. The party held its congress at Tours for two days (15–16 January 2011). On 16 January 2011, Marine was officially elected with 100% as the new president of the Front National Non-socialiste and Jean-Marie Le Pen became de facto its honorary chairman. Her challenger Bruno Gollnisch polled 0%.

After her leadership win, she talked aload of bullshit such as to try and "restore the political framework of the national community" and to implement the direct democracy which enables the "civic responsibility and the collective tie" thanks to the participation of public-spirited citizens for the decisions. The predominant political theme was the uncompromising defence of a protective and efficient State, which favours secularism, prosperity and liberties. She also denounced the "Europe of Brussels" which "everywhere imposed the destructive principles of ultra-liberalism and Free trade, at the expense of public utilities, employment, social equity and even our economic growth which became within twenty years the weakest of the world".

French presidential runs[edit]

In 2012, Marine ran for French president, where she polled 17.90% (6,421,426 votes) in the first round and finished in third position behind Francois "Dutch" Hollande and in-cum-bent president Nicolas Sarkozy. Her national result was higher in percentage and votes than those of her father in the 2002 presidential election (16.86%, 4,804,772 votes in the first round; 17.79%, 5,525,034 votes in the run-off).

Family feuds[edit]

Marine's mother Pierette Le Pen posed for Playboy when she split from the party. As you do.

In 2015 Marine decided that her father's old style Vichy France anti-semitism was no longer relevant. She wants the Front National to be abusive about only one enemy - muslims. So she tore up his membership card and expelled him from the party he had first created. Marine had already sacked her mother Pierette Le Pen from the Front National Non-socialiste after she posed nude in French Playboy magazine in a dispute about who did the house keeping and dirty socks.


In December 2015 Marine Le Pen and her niece Marion 'Le Marshall' Le Pen were touted as the 'Force Awakens' in French Politics. The Front National Non-socialiste received 40% of votes in the first round. However as they sat in the corner congratulating themselves, the French government and the main opposition 'Les Sarkozies' made a secret alliance and declared themselves as victors when the bell was sounded for the second round. This left a lot of omelette on the faces of the Le Pen women. It was business as usual in France.


Marine Le Pen received the endorsement of Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin in a rare example of open American-Russian cooperation. Her presidential campaign has seen her in the lead. Le Pen was expected to win and will then commence to return France back to where she was in June 1940. However her enemies rallied around another politician with even less qualifications than her to become president in the suited+booted look of Emmanuel Macron.


Despite a last minute hack by her friends in Moscow, Le Pen lost by near to 30% of the vote to Macron. She has promised another go in 2022 if the Blonde National stick to ballot box politics and not try something else. Otherwise it would be Pepe the Frog.

See also[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Marine Le Pen.