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“I think therefore I am. QED”

~ Descartes on Axioms

“Therefore we must invade Iraq. QDE”

~ George Bush on Diplomacy

“The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything. QED”

~ George Bernard Shaw on George Bernard Shaw

“Well.. If she floats and lives then she's a witch. If she drowns, then she's innocent. So let's throw her in the river. QED”

~ The Middle Ages on Witchcraft

“Nice Weather, isn't it.”

~ Oscar Wilde on QED
A Masterly Use of QED

QED - The universally recognized way to end any argument. This stems primarily from the fact that scarcely anyone actually knows what it really means. This makes people nervous. And nervous people are far less likely to argue back. In fact, so advanced is the spread of ignorance about the actual meaning of this phrase that it has been suggested that its real meaning has been lost. The true meaning probably lies behind the eternal sofa of the universe, or twisted inside one of these extra dimensions that scientists are continually telling us about.


Some scholars believe that the phrase was originally coined accidental in Act IV Scene XIV of Antony and Cleopatra. When Mark Antony said "Quarter'd the world, and o'er green Neptune's back...". However, Shakespeare's spellcheck didn't recognize the word "Quarter'd" and suggested QED instead. No-one quite knows why. But it featured in the original play to stunning reviews as none of the critics wanted to appear ignorant. Later, it was cut from the play and replaced with "Quarter'd" once more by poncy arts editors. The Bastards.

Possible Meanings[edit]

  • Quod erat dama - Because it was venison
  • Qui eum dissaviebatur - Who was kissing him passionately?
  • Qui est Deus - Who is this God-bloke anyway?
  • Quite easily done - Goes at the end of anything proved wrong.

Example of Discussion involving QED[edit]

Dave - But that's madness!! Of course Spain exists!

Ben - But did you see yourself from space when you were in Spain? No! Of course you didn't! That would be mental. So you must therefore concede that you weren't necessarily where you thought you were when you thought you were in Spain. Therefore it doesn't exist. QED.

Dave - Shut up.

QED The Book[edit]

Professor of Magic - Richard Feynmann

QED is also a book by Professor Richard Feynmann. It is a companion guide to Harry Potter. It explains all of the magic using the power of Quantum Electro-Dynamics. This can reveal how things can be in two places at once, how nothing is absolutely certain, where dragons come from, and why the plot makes no sense.