Race Riots are a soul group from South-West Iceland in North-West Thorope (formerly known as Europe). Race Riots have been around for over 77 years and are credited for originating everything from African Sun Dance to Rock 'n' Roll to Disco, Thrash Metal, Hannukah, Making up Oscar Wilde Quotes and more recently the English cricket team's victory dance.
Formed in 6 Century BC and 77 Century AC/DC, the group was formed by a couple of high school friends while coming down from a particularly bad glue sniffing trip. They first decided to call themselves the Teletubbies but later changed their name after the BBC stole the name and used it for a special 9-episode-soap based on the life of famous British cricketer, cook and imperialist pig, Tony Blair. Even though band members insist that the new name of the group was inspired by watching drunk Australians burn Malcom X and Yasser Arafat effigies and at the same time jerking-off while singing the Australian national anthem, many believe the inspiration came from something far more sinister and evil i.e. watching the Melbourne Derby on ESPN. Band members have categorically refuted this claim and called it utter nonsense. They once burned a Muhammad Ali effigy outside their recording label's office to prove this.
Rise to popularity
The Race Riots tasted their first success with a romantic art-rock-metal-grunge-indie-jazz-disco-samba-foxtrot-charlie-tora-tora-funk ballad, Paranoid in the early 1920's. However they had to wait forty years to achieve their next big hit, the soothing flower-power anthem, Anarchy in San Francisco. This was also when the band shifted their headquarters from Iceland to Auschwitz, Australia. And even though they recorded some 51 albums there between 1967 and 2005, their third hit arrived many years later in November, 2005, in shape of a double album, Back in Black. And though it was a huge hit, the Australians hated the title. Many Australians got drunk and burned thousands of copies of the album across various Australian beaches while singing the Australian national anthem and humming the James Bond theme. They also burned effigies of Malcolm X, Yasser Arafat, Muhammad Ali and a guy called Pete.
Even though many critics argue that the band never stood up to ever suffer a mentionable downfall, fans usually rape these critics calling them Communists, Niggaz, Arabs, Muslims and Woody Allen. They also accuse these critics of being on the payroll of obscure Pakistani music critic and terrorist, James T. Kirk. After two such critics were raped and burned in Australia the band appealed to their fans to cut it out and rape and burn only non-journalistic Communists, Niggaz, Arabs, Muslims and Woody Allen. Which they did. This inspired the Race Riots to tour Iraq and play free Woodstock type concerts for British, American and Australian troops stationed there. They were already a huge hit in that part of the world and many of their songs are said to have inspired much raping and burning of Arabs.
In 2045 AD, the band finally decided to call it a day when its lead singer and main songwriter, Ted Turner, was raped and burned by a group of fans who were totally pissed off with the title and content of the band's last single, Born To Be Oscar Wilde. Fox News banned the single for being racist, anti-Jew and pro-Arab. The band went on their farewell tour without Ted who was replaced by a blonde guy from Norway. They tried to have their single as the official victory song of the Australian Cricket Team but had to settle for the English Cricket Team, therefore it is never used.
- John (Vocals)
- Tom (Air Guitar)
- Bill (Harp)
- Ted Turner (Song/Vocals/Stage Flashing)
- Yoshiki Hayashi (Sushi)
- Muhammad (Drums & Bombs)
- Guy From Norway (Shampoo)
- Jimmy Buffet (Your Mom)
- Guy Forks (Forks)