Solopsism

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Not to be confused with Solipsism, Solopsism is the name that I gave to the fact that everything that was, is, and will be, is in fact, all a product of me. All that was, is and will be comes forth from my existence. In other words, it's all in my head.

To illustrate this principle I created a simple list of things that do, and do not exist in "my head"

Do :

  • My personification as you experience it.
  • You.
  • that chair.
  • all chairs.
  • earth.
  • the multiverse.
  • time itself.

This all seems to exist because it's in my head.

Do not :

  • .

There, as you can see all is because of me and without me there would be nothing.

How to deal with the fact that you are in my imagination[edit]

If you have any problem with the fact that I made you up, please relax. The reason you feel that way has a lot to do with your egocentrism. Don't get all edgy because of the small negligible fact that you do not exist. Billions of people share the same condition, and you don't see them sobbing over that fact, do you now?

You should simply see the bright side of it all, like :

  • You can't die, for you do not exist.
  • You do not have to wonder about some deity, for deities do not exist.
  • You are free from the burden you have to bear when existing ( like I do ).

You should also know that most of everything that does not exist is controlled by my subconscious. So if you do not think about it that much everything should be fine .

The concept of egocentrism is fully compatible with Solopsism 
even though you feel that it's not. The reason for this is simple, 
I imagined Egocentrism, and therefor it exists.
Logically it follows that anybody may hold egocentric views as they please.

Some of you people who only exist in my head may say that maybe I suffer from a severe form of egocentrism. This is, of course, such a silly notion because the concept of egocentrism only holds true if the number of possible entities capable of egocentric thought is bigger than 1. Since the only entity that exists is me egocentrism cannot really exist and because I am the only single existing consciousness this number is precisely 1 and I can't possibly be an egocentrist.

In fact, I find it perfectly alright and normal for you , who only exists in my imagination, to think that you are the most important person in the world ( for example ). Since I am remarkably modest and well-mannered I would not even start thinking about considering arguing with you about your divine like status as such. The whole explanation for this is of course that you could possibly be the most important person that exists only in my imagination and you would, therefore, be totally correct in assuming you are that important.

In that case I can only state that I am very very glad that I am not the most important entity in my imagination. Imagine the burden of being the most important entity combined with being the only existing entity. It can't be done !

Who am I then ?[edit]

That's a tough question. Yes, even though it's a question in the head of a person that only exist in my head and therefore should not be able to think of a question that I find hard, it's still a very tough question.

Most of the time I believe that the vessel my essence resides in is a bulk based alien life form in a higher reality that is involved in a thought experiment. I imagine myself being a hard crystalline substance for whom time flows by faster then you imaginary people can imagine.

The only scary bit here is that while my Solopsism holds true within the reality I create, it does not outside of that. Therefore, the possibility that I and my silicon based lifeforms exist only in the mind of an even higher consciousness still remains present.

I hereby redirect myself to passage on How to deal with the fact that you are in my imagination to ease my mind, as should you who, if you are reading this, are not real, unless you are me.

You Are Contradicting Yourself[edit]

You might say that me accepting both, being the only entity in existence and on the other hand being part of a higher existence where I am not the only entity is a bit of a contradiction. The explanation is perfectly simple. Unfortunately, your mind is incapable of comprehending this since you are confined to the reality in my imagination, but it has something to do with the fact that the whole concept of contradiction is my invention and I can do with it as I please.

Accomplishments[edit]

Since all of reality as YOU know it is in my mind you could say that throughout history I have accomplished some major successes in various fields like

  • Science
  • Art
  • Literature

Some of the little gems that I made possible that I am especially proud of are :

  • DNA - that was a clever way to explain life by me.
  • Time - Created by me to prevent everything from happening at the same time.
  • Space - Clever little hack made possible by me.
  • Earth - Where I imagine you live.
  • The Mona Lisa - My imagination knows no boundaries. Her smile is from thinking of using the rabbit later!
  • Television - I'm really fond of this one!
  • The Bible - Best fictional spawn of my mind. Great jokes.
  • Beer - I know, and you're welcome.

Of course, this whole "being the only existing entity in reality" has it's downsides too. For instance , these are the things I am not that proud of, but am responsible for.

  • War - Not the nicest thing I have done. (but it's fun as shit.)
  • Death - Sorry for that one. UPDATE: Working on a solution with nanites and telomerase synthesis.
  • Nukes - My bad. I was curious.
  • Holocaust - Damn, no excuse for that one.
  • Polka music - It's a good thing you all are not really real.
  • Line dancing - Proves that being the only real entity does NOT make you God.

For all of the above I truly apologize. But I can't stress enough how I really can't help it. Creating an imaginary reality isn't that straightforward. I knew some bad shit would go down when I invented the concept of curiosity. Shit happens and I'm kinda a weirdo.

See Also[edit]

and