Stalinist Republic of Lurpak

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“In Soviet Russia bread spreads Lurpak on YOU!!!”

~ Russian Reversal on Lurpak

The Stalinist Republic of Lurpak first emerged as a nation around lunch time on Teusday, the countries origin came about from the Great Tesco Revolution. Lurpak is situated on the 2nd floor shelf of the eastern block of the Fridge. The country itself is ripe with obesity and high cholesterol, these problems lead to an average life expectancy of around 25-30, although the exact age is not known no-one really cares enough about fat people to really find out, the native Lurpakians have often tried but their research tends to be held back by heart disease and the eating of the research papers, another contribution to the failure of researching is more than approximately 73.423% of the scientists are too fat to fit inside the laboratory.

Government and Law[edit]

The Stalinist Republic of Lurpak claims to be a democracy with high dependency on Capitalism, due to the complete liberalism of the country where everything is legal (this is a tax cutting attempt to make less public sector workers) due to this high liberalism the country has the highest rate of Kitten Huffing in the universe, possibly the cosmos. the high rate of Kitten Huffing has led to a more Communist Stalinist way of living. the only effect of the almost total liberalism is the fact excersize is banned, on pain of death.


The economy of The Stalinist Communist Republic of Democratic Capitalistic Lurpak is a leader in the exports of its very specialized industries, the world leader in exporting Lurpak, oppression and most importantly contradiction (with even more contradictions than Christianity

Lurpak the country is famous for exporting its buttery products, so much so that it has a monopoly for the production and extortion of Lurpak, the butter is made from 100% pure Lurpakian, they use the Lurpakian people as a sort of sponge really they treat the people to make them grow fat and blubbery until they realize that it is too late, the fattest and most greasy animals, are used in breeding programs to aid the production of future Lurpak the second class citizens are squeezed in a flab extraction process, the fat is then added to with some additional stuff they found lying around to make the finished product, where the export it and attempt world domination through the exportion and extortion of lurpak.

Lurpak Spreadable, this recipe is so secret that if i told you how to create it the Lurpakian government would send half a ton (one) of assassin to give you cholesterol poisoning and kill you before you could say "blimey your fat you need to loose some weight man"

Oppression The country is also a major contributor to wold oppression, beaten only by the joke that is Zimbabwe. The Stalinist Communist Republic of Democratic Capitalistic Lurpak exports oppression to all the other Refrigerated products on the 2nd shelf floor on the eastern block of the fridge, especially focusing on the oppression of healthy foodstuffs, and also the Humous, it proves a formidable oppressor of these poor defenseless fridge occupiers

Contradiction The Cosmos leader of exporting contradiction, although it really isn't. Lurpak is the greatest nation for contradiction on the planet as its headquarters are situated on the all the moon of Jupiter. The contradiction will continue forever until next week or so.

Political Enemies[edit]

“ We don't love clover”

~ Lurpakian comrade Peoples of Lurpak on the inferior buttery and long time enemy "Clover"

Lurpak has a great grudge against the exporters of inferior Buttery products, manufactured by inferior methods such as milking cows for well milk really... the longest enemy of The Stalinist Communist Republic of Democratic Capitalistic Lurpak has been clover , pretty much since the dawn of whenever they have been constantly at war with each other. this hate has been recently forgotten about due to the New-Coming Fridge Empire of The Margarine. this new highly dangerous enemy has decided to emerge out of nowhere just as didn't The Stalinist Communist Republic of Democratic Capitalistic Lurpak, the New-Coming Fridge Empire of Margarine to the west of the fridge, lead by Flora wanted to use a more healthy approach to try and get the affection of the people of the world, they set about this by sponsoring sporting events such as The London Marathon. Greatly angering The Stalinist Communist Republic of Democratic Capitalistic Lurpak the country signed a peace treaty with the other so called Superior butter products that had long been the enemies of their regime and country and formed the Superior Force of Buttery Goodness Alliance. After a little while of small skirmishes and snapping up alliances with the remaining superpowers of the Fridge the two opposing "Basket of goods" declared war on each other, leading to The Great Fridge War.


By Friday at breakfast the republic had taken its toll in the war. It kind of got used up, since Friday breakfast there has been no real attempt to gain power and control the fridge such as the glory days of the old Lurpak. the remaining contents sort of went a bit moldy and got thrown away, the remains of the once glorious nation of Lurpak now reside in some land fill site somewhere? probably north west of London but this isn't certain, who knows the nation might one day rise again... unlikely but still it could grow to heal something like cancer!! everyone likes mold... its just penicillin's cousin isn't it?