Stephen Hawking ran over my cat/An answer and apology to this article from Tiffinki

Hello there!

You don't know me, but I'm Tiffinki. Don't be fooled by my nick; I'm a guy. I'm writing to you about your article "Stephen Hawking ran over my cat."

All condolences to you over the loss of or injuries to your furry friend. I have cats as pets myself (though they are indoor cats, so the chances that any of them will ever get run over are minimal).

I just thought you should know, I'm not sure that it was Professor Hawking who ran over your cat. See, I was the organizer of a Halloween party in your area, and I think it was one of the kooks that RSVP'd for my party who hit your cat. I'd heard that three to five of them were going to show up as Professor Hawking for Halloween (complete with the electric wheelchair), but I didn't think anything about it until it was too late.

My flight was delayed for three hours due to bad weather, so I didn't get to the party until all the stuff you described was All Over. I saw the aftermath, and I'm really sorry that the drunk SOB did what he did. As I understand it, he got so damn drunk at that party that he couldn't walk, just like poor Professor Hawking. He should have called for a cab - take it from a veteran cabbie - but the slosh-brained slob didn't do it (he probably didn't have the money, especially with the extra cargo of that electric wheelchair - most cab companies charge extra for that kind of cargo).

He decided to drive that wheelchair home. I can't believe he didn't get arrested within five minutes of leaving the party, but the cops outside probably dismissed him as just another one of the looneys at the party.

Oh, Professor Hawking didn't get to your neighbor. I did. I told him what happened. When I did, he threw up. I don't blame him.

This kook crashed into your garage door after he was done with Whiskers. Or rather, "drove right through it" would be a more accurate description, from what I heard later, and by the looks of it. I have more respect for one's property than to go in there, though - I just looked from the sidewalk. I didn't trespass. Anyway, that must have been when he got your Salma Hayek picture and shrine. That was really bad, and I feel bad about it.

Later, the drunken bum got clipped by a gasoline truck on the highway. He ended up at the hospital. I visited him there in the morning, and that's how I found out that I don't think it was really the esteemed Professor Hawking, but it sure looked like him. Exactly like him. The hospital staff even had that name on his chart. I had to correct them, but unfortunately, I don't know the jerk's name. He put the obviously phony name of Albert Einstein on the RSVP. He'll be in a coma for a while.

As to that obscene telephone message.... well, maybe that was Professor Hawking, if you called his number. I... don't know anything about that. But as to the other stuff.... I don't think it was the real Stephen Hawking. Won't know for sure until he wakes up, but what would Professor Hawking be doing at my Halloween party? Anything's possible, but it boggles the imagination to think that there's even a chance that the real Professor Hawking attended my Halloween party and got drunk.

Just thought you should know.

If he or she were not slain outright, I hope that Whiskers makes a full recovery, and I hope that you can repair your Salma Hayek shrine.

Best regards,

--Tiffinki 12:50, 22 November 2008 (UTC)Tiffinki

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