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Template:Lead articles

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French guard Buckingham Palace
LONDON -- For the first time in history, foreign troops marched in the guard in front of Buckingham Palace.

The pageantry marks the 120th anniversary of the Entente Cordiale between London and Paris, as the two countries agreed to fight on the same side in World War I, provided an assassin could be found to provoke it; also to not bicker quite so much. Full story»


Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. David Trone (D-MD) used a derogatory term for Those People during a hearing of the House Budget Committee.

Trone, 68, denied that he had ever heard the slur but, as a privileged white man, he should have remembered its "long, dark history" — then denied he meant anything by calling it dark. Full story»

Royal shock as original photo discovered
LONDON -- The original Princess of Wales photo with her children has been discovered.

British-based conspiracy expert David Icke said, "The Princess is currently living on Pluto. Her reported medical surgery has been just a cover. We have got to face the truth. The House of Windsor are lizards." Full story»


Biden v Trump rematch confirmed
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's confirmed that the greatest presidential battle since the last one will see old rivals back in the war for America's future.

The rematch may give old age a bad name and come down to which candidate is losing his marbles first. So far, "Jurassic Joe" Biden appeared to be in the lead on that score, but recent public outings for "Donnie the Dinosaur" have revealed he can't tell a Nancy Pelosi from a Nikki Haley in a bright room. Full story»

UK bans puberty for children
LONDON -- The United Kingdom has formally banned puberty for children. The condition can cause extreme mood swings, pimples, and the growth of hair where it doesn't belong.

A Labour Party spokesman complained that, without puberty, an entire generation of Englishmen would grow up stunted and looking like cherubs. However, Health Minister Maria Caulfield said she had seen the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy and saw nothing wrong with that. Full story»


Germany spills British military secrets
THE INTERNET -- Germany has accidentally disclosed to Russia that Britain has "boots on the ground" in Ukraine.

The Germans held their discussion on Skype, which a General was able to patch into with his cell phone from a hotel room. Unfortunately, it appears that the Kremlin also joined the channel, albeit in "listen-only" mode. Full story»

Scientists meld nuclear fusion and AI
PRINCETON, New Jersey -- Scientists have made a giant leap toward nuclear fusion by turning to AI.

Nuclear fusion involves shoving together two unwilling atoms in a microscopic blind date, whereas Artificial Intelligence, or AI, involves using computers to act like human beings. Combining these two ultra-trending items and squeezing out synergy is a major rhetorical breakthrough. Full story»


Brits make book on King Charles cancer
LONDON -- King Charles III is keeping everyone guessing what type of cancer he has got, after news came out that the recently crowned monarch of the English-speaking world (except the USA) is suffering from this disease.

People are betting on how many months he has left. For fans of Princess Diana, this looks like karma. Full story»

U.S. returns to the moon
CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida (UPDATED) -- The United States is set to return to the Moon for the first time in over 50 years, as the Vulcan Centaur blasted off Monday for a soft landing.

NASA has partnered with private companies, outsourcing the jobs of reading inspiring scripts over loudspeakers and frying schoolteachers to a crisp. Full story»


[edit] [purge] Template-info.svg Template documentation

{{Lead articles}} is the template the UnNews Editor-in-Chief should edit. It controls the placement of graphic features of selected news stories on the Front Page, by having a variable number of calls to {{Lead article}} (singular), one for each graphic. Do not edit {{Lead article}} itself.

It's convenient to copy a working call to {{Lead article}} (from the word FEATURE to the following word FEATURE), paste it before the first feature, and adjust the fields to fit the new story being featured. If the first feature is both, do a side-by-side by making it right and making the new feature left. If there is already a side-by-side at the top, make the new one both. Also truncate the last feature(s) on the page to keep the number of features constant.

The individual graphics (individual calls to {{Lead article}}) have the following fields:

  • arrange — Indicates the article's layout in its row of featured articles:
    • both (or lead) Spans the entire row and causes a horizontal line beneath.
    • left The article on the left side of a pair of side-by-side articles. Code this before the right one.
    • right The article on the right side of a pair of side-by-side articles. Code this after the left one, because it causes a horizontal line beneath.
  • image — The image name (omit File:). Our policy is for every graphic to include an image (even if not funny without its caption), but if you leave this blank, the null image Spacer.gif is used
  • dept — (optional) A legend centered above the headline. Lowercase letters become small capitals. Typical departments are:
    • BREAKING NEWS or URGENT for stories that either are relevant to big real-world news, or are not
    • EXCLUSIVE for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive because we're interviewing ourselves
    • PANIC in the SKIES — prized by all journalists, especially if it should have been the Happiest Day of the Year
    • NAVEL-GAZING for UnNews articles that revolve around UnNews
    • FEATURE for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
    • ORIGINAL for stories with {{Original}} instead of real sources
    • EDITORIAL for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
    • COLUMN for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
  • title — The page name (omit UnNews:); that is, the headline
  • short_title — (optional) If the page name is too long or doesn't look like a headline, provide the desired headline here.
  • border — If you type the CSS name of a color here (or use the hexadecimal format #rgb or #rrggbb), a border of that color is drawn around the graphic. Specifying black is appropriate for obituaries.
  • summary — The first sentence or two of the story. If you can write a funnier lead by pulling stuff from throughout the story, that would be funnier.

Important notes:

  • If you put vertical space between the calls to {{Lead article}}, comment them out, or space is output that throws off the relation between articles.
  • If not using border, dept, or short_title, set it to none. Don't remove the lines completely; that makes it harder for the next editor to see the correct form to follow.