Torchic
| |
| Torchic | |
|---|---|
| Japanese name | Achamo |
| Stage | 666 |
| Evolves from | Nada!! |
| Evolves to | Errr...what? |
| Species | Chick |
| Type | Fire |
| Height | arm length |
| Weight | 15 lb full of pennies |
| Ability | destructive arsonist |
| Next Pokémon | Spiritomb |
| Previous Pokémon | Piplup |
Torchic is a highly destructive (and extremely sadistic) Pokémon who wants to burn everything in sight. The creature may look cute, but in reality, this Pokémon is highly violent, destructive, and dangerous. They can be only be found in the African Savannahs and are currently on the endangered species list, prohibiting everyone from killing Torchic. There are only 48 Torchics in the world.
Torchic is known to set cities, people, noobs, and forests on fire and sending them to hell. Because of its place on the endangered species list, Torchic can freely destroy every city without any opposition.
The earliest sighting of this creature occurred during the Medieval period. In these times, paladins, unburdened by the shackles of environmentalism, routinely killed Torchics for fun. Currently, the government of Zimbabwe has ordered their citizens to track down and capture this destructive critter in exchange for 5 million Zimbabwe dollars (which probably would be worth about eight tenths of a U.S. penny.).
How to handle the Torchic[edit]
The CIA and FBI have documented several attacks by Torchics in U.S. grounds, most recently, the Minneapolis Bridge. Most of Torchic's attacks are forest fires, but there have incidences where they are responsible for many droughts, tornadoes, and hurricanes, especially the Dust Bowl and the Great Chicago Fire.
According the fire department, if someone comes across a Torchic, that person should immediately run away and scream like a little sissy. If a person gets close to a Torchic, he or she is pretty much screwed. The fire department also reports that the cuteness of Torchic often causes people to come closer to it, putting themselves in a vulnerable position of being burniated. No one can resist the cuteness.
On 6 June 2006, president George W. Bush marked Torchic as a WMD, obviously, because Torchic is highly violent.
Current owners of Torchic[edit]
Currently, only one person in the world owns a Torchic: May. Chuck Norris used to own the world's only Torchic farm. However, it was seized by the feds shortly after Mr. Bush declared Torchic a WMD.
Despite the highly destructive nature of the Torchic, May manages to maintain the global balance of power through her skillful diplomacy. However, if anyone else manages to get a hold of a Torchic, it would spark an arms race that could only be ended by nuclear apocalypse.
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