UnNews:Bernie Sanders gets behind Joe Biden

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We distort, you deride UnNews Wednesday, September 23, 2020, 13:52:59 (UTC)

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13 April 2020

Senator Sanders explaining his decision.

BURLINGTON, Vermont -- To a nation that has been breathlessly waiting for it, Senator Sanders has admitted that he would rather have Joe Biden in the White House than another four years of Donald Trump. We managed to catch up with him as he was spreading manure on the extensive lawns of his country residence.

UnNews: "Senator Sanders, we are delighted to have the opportunity to record your thoughts on this historic announcement, however long it may have been in waiting. What made you choose this moment to come out in support of Mr. Biden?"

Bernie Sanders (BS): "I was kind of hoping that some candidate for a lefty fringe party would suddenly appear and shoot up in the opinion polls. Unfortunately, it looks like the American people aren't all that fond of such people in the long run. So there I was, having to choose between endorsing Donald Trump or Joe Biden, just like the American people. It was a tough decision, I can tell you."

UnNews: "So is this an endorsement of the Democratic party in a roundabout way?"

BS: "Not a chance. I tell you, it really got up my nose having to go around pretending to be a Democrat. I would have greatly preferred to campaign as an Independent, but as I have previously noted, when you're on the national stage, you've got to be a Republican or a Democrat."

UnNews: "And now that you've buried the hatchet with Joe Biden, will you be publicly supporting him in the campaign for the presidential election?"

BS: "It looks like it. I can't be seen as a flip-flopper at my age. Who knows, maybe old Joe will pick a running mate that I can support without holding my nose and looking the other way."

UnNews: "Yes, there is the problem of his plan to nominate a woman. Some lingering misgivings may arise from your previous statements on female candidates."

BS: "Well, as he seems to be concerned that any potential VP might, you know, put him in the shade, I don't expect it's going to be Wonder Woman."

UnNews: "Finally, can I ask about your alternative plans for the future?"

BS: "For the moment, I'm just sticking to spreading manure. When that chore is done, I can get around to thinking about the next election."

UnNews: "You're already planning for another try?"

BS: "You know it, young feller. Who knows what the world may look like in another four years. I'll only be 82, and Donald Trump will be out of action in the predidential sense. Unless he can pull off something like his old friend Vladimir Putin."

UnNews: "Well, thanks Bernie and we'll be back in 2024 for an update."