UnNews:Britons prepare for no-deal Brexit
Britons prepare for no-deal Brexit
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, September 4, 2019, 01:21:UTC)(
3 September 2019
LONDON, United Kingdom -- Brave British citizens are preparing for the day when the United Kingdom slams the door on the European Union and goes it alone. With the exit date looming on the 31st October 2019, last minute efforts are being made to get everyone ready for the big exit day.
"This is Our Day of Destiny," said chief caveman Prime Minister Boris Johnson. "Everything is ready to go. I will shoot a flaming arrow into the sky on the minute we have left the rest of Europe and their infernal foreigners. Britons, we have survived the Ice Age before and we will do it again. Trust me. (Someone has to.)"
Since he took over cave Number 10, Johnson has sent out teams to collect as much food, clothing and condiments to make sure at least he is looked after. The rest will be distributed to all his followers. Other British cave dwellers will have to 'fend for themselves' but have been advised that this will help them to be self-sufficient. Once we have run out of unicorns to eat, they're are plenty of dinosaurs to choose from in the Labour Party.
"Chin up, play the game and let's show everyone we're not bluffing," added Johnson, chewing on a large bone. "Don't worry, we'll soon have Emmanuel Macron and Angela Merkel hanging around our cave for scraps. My message to them is, give us back our fish."
Already, some Britons are moving into caves around the country. The rest are already heading south over the English Channel to escape the worst of Boris Johnson. Others will have to make do with some dancing to keep cold once Britain is outside the European Union.