UnNews:Chicks drop the Dixie

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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard UnNews Saturday, July 11, 2020, 10:57:59 (UTC)

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26 June 2020

Which chicks are which? (hint: hairdos, tans).

TUMBLEWEED, Texas -- In a move that has hit the country music scene like a skydiving cow that forgot to pull the ripcord, the Dixie Chicks have shortened their group's name to The Chicks. We arranged an interview with several of The Chicks:

UnNews: "Good mornin' ladies. This name change has really put you in the headlines. What's behind it all?"

The Chicks: "Well, we have to keep up with the times and it looks like Dixie is no longer acceptable in polite company."

UnNews: "Is this related to the recent attacks on certain statues in the USA?"

The Chicks: "In a way. Whereas Dixie was once a kind of jokey way to say you were from The South, it's sure declining in popularity, and that's something we don't want to do. Fortunately there aren't any statues of us as far as we know. Nowadays most people don't even know where the Mason-Dixon Line was. You know we were thinking of becoming the Mason Chicks, to kind of show we weren't stuck in any particular geographic context but we got a call from the Freemason lawyers."

UnNews: "So just dropping the Dixie did the trick, huh?"

The Chicks: "That would have been too easy. Then we got a call from some group called Radical Women. We get told that The Chicks is demeaning to women. So we ask why. Apparently we're too good looking. Hey, that's part of showbiz, you know. But they think we're promoting distorted body images and oppressing women who don't like fit into their jeans or something. So we ask if they have any great ideas, we're not just out to offend people. Then we hear a voice in the background saying 'What about The Old Boilers, they been around forever.' Well, we lost it and told them that we'd put the Dixie back in and tell everybody they were ageist. That shut 'em up."

One of their younger fans with unsold Dixie Chicks memorabilia.

UnNews: "I understand that you found out that there was another group called The Chicks."

The Chicks: "Oh, yeah. There are these two New Zealanders who had been calling themselves that for ages. When we asked if they minded if we used the name, we thought there had been a mistake because they kept saying that they were The Checks. It turns out that they talk kind of funny in New Zealand."

UnNews: "So I guess it's all settled down now and your upcoming album will be branded with The Chicks."

The Chicks: "So far, yeah. We're writing a new song about the experience of doing something that we thought would be super easy, but everybody had to get into the act. Ready?"

Don't you try to put words in my mouth
When we're singin' you better stay out of our zone
If you got ideas that you want to get out
You can go home and write a song of your own.

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