UnNews:Facebook to replace citizens with Zuckerberg clones
| A newsstand that's brimming with issues | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Friday, April 19, 2024, 06:06:59 (UTC) |
| Facebook to replace citizens with Zuckerberg clones | 
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28 July 2020
SILICONE VALLEY, California -- As the spread of coronavirus continues to reduce Facebook's ability to spread political misinformation and cat memes, the social media mogul has announced the roll-out of the Zuckerberg Replacement Program (ZRP), to replenish lives (and newsfeeds) tragically lost.
Facebook’s team of scientific algorithms have found a way to grow clone Zuckerbergs in a matter of days, through the extraction of underpants' DNA. As well as a population boost, every home that has a Facebook account will be provided with their own free Zuckerberg.
The welcome news comes as everyone is losing faith in scientists’ ability to find a vaccine for COVID, and rising panic over the sharp decline in childbirth numbers.
The free, home-Zuckerbergs will advise and inform on the best mail-order Ravanello radish shaper or Himalayan salt lamp, essential holiday destinations and most appropriate political bubble; based on input from your browsing, conversations and Facebook’s patented corruption algorithm.
Taking time out from listening to people’s WhatsApp calls, Mark Zuckerberg said: “The ZRP will be key for saving the human race, and more importantly, social media."
The ZRP has also promised to uphold the company’s green credentials — as well as supporting the fight against the pandemic — by fashioning the discarded ZRP underpants into free COVID-19 facemasks for Instagram users.
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |