UnNews:Jack Sparrow Attends an AA meeting
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, April 25, 2024, 17:36:59 (UTC) |
| Jack Sparrow Attends an AA meeting | 
|
9 November 2008
This past Monday, our beloved captain Jack Sparrow decided to attend an AA meeting. He was finally tired of becoming depressed when the rum was destroyed, burned, sold, and drank. After 3 minutes, the galant captain said "screw this...where's me rum. The instructor slapped Jack on the head and told him to settle down. "I don't wish to start a family", he said. "You idot! I meant be quiet, GAH", retorted the instuctor. 20 minutes into the session, Jack just walked out and vowed never to return and came back with bottles of rum in his hands and slurred: "Is th-there a bafrum in this place *urrrp*" "Why are you making this so difficult?" asked the instuctor. "Imma pirate....and thats what we do, toots" he said. So as you can see, Jacks trip to the AA meeting was a complete disastor. This has been, Will Do-yo motha, channel 748347 news, back to you, douche bag.
Thank you Will, now after the commercial break, where people try to sell you pointless stuff thats knock-offs of knockoffs, we'll take you to cheif meterologist with the sports highlights of the past games.
Sources[edit]
- Ben Dover "[National Rum Z]". Company Inc., Maaay 65, 2021
- "[ ]". [[wikipedia:|]], Mmmmm DD, YYYY