UnNews:Mad parent wants daughter "to be like Kim Jong Il - next ruler of North Korea"

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A newsstand that's brimming with issues ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, April 25, 2024, 09:02:59 (UTC)
Mad parent wants daughter "to be like Kim Jong Il - next ruler of North Korea" UnNews Logo Potato.png

30 June 2009

"Why is evawyrone so f*ckin' stoopid?"

MOST SANE, NON-DELUSIONAL PARENTS do their best to ensure their children grow up well-educated and happy. However for, clinically insane, Mobama Shitfuhbrains there is a more focused aim for her 11-year-old daughter Burt. She wants her to become the next despotic dictator of North Korea.

And in pursuit of her ambition to craft the little girl into the all powerful ruler of North Korea, she is lashing out £6,000 a year on acquiring atomic weapons, tanks and fighter-jets as well as funding singing, dancing and acting lessons six days a week.

She also encourages Burt - who also idolises Robert Mugabe - to wear a non-descript shapeless grey suit to school, and warns the 5ft, six stone youngster to show no mercy to dissidents if she wants to emulate Kim Jong Il, the supreme ruler of North Korea and scourge of the west.

"I want Burt to become the next undisputed ruler of North Korea," said Mrs Shitfuhbrains, 89, "Kim is a wonderfully evil ruler and everyone loves him, under pain of death or starvation. It’s Burt’s dream to be the next supreme ruler of North Korea and I’ll stop at nothing to help her achieve it.

Mrs Shitfuhbrains, who runs her own fetish brothel, lives in Burnley, Lancashire recently lost her husband Jon, 40, who died in a tragic acid bath / shotgun accident last year. Luckily, shortly before his death, Mrs Shitfuhbrains took out a £700,000 life insurance policy on him.

"Jon would be happy that with the money from his insurance we can still realise our daughter's dream of becoming the next ruler of North Korea." said a tearful Mrs Shitfuhbrains this morning.

Mrs Shitfuhbrains added: "Burt’s just building towards her future. Lots of girls want to be despotic dictators and she’s got to beat all of them."

Burt herself, who goes to school in a tank, randomly said: "I don’t think I can be the supreme leader of North Korea if I get fat."

Sources[edit]

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