UnNews:My Little Bernie dolls are pricey but politically correct

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29 January 2021

The promoters say "My Little Bernie" would beat out the opposition (like the "Joe Biden Mini C'Mon Man") if it were a little less pricey.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Democrats are buying large stocks of knitted Bernie Sanders dolls as a souvenir of the inauguration of President Joe Biden. The doll has turned into a must-buy toy, though you will need $40,000 cash — not weighty for wealthy liberals, but a heavy lift for basement-dwellers affiliated with Antifa.

Sanders says all the royalty monies will go for good, socially radical causes. He claims he will not make a brass nickel off of them. Other politicians say Sanders' focus on merchandising means the old socialist is now looking after his pension pot. They also suggest the Democratic Party intends to release a lot of merchandising toys to counter the Republican Party in future elections.

"My Little Big Guy." The Secret Service insisted that the packaging not include any sharp objects with which the President might stab himself by mistake.

"These Bernie dolls are quite evil," said Republican chairwoman Ronna McDaniel. "They're encouraging Americans to see Sanders as a cuddly old Communist, when he is actually an active threat to this country and the Second Amendment. It's going to turn our children into socialists."

White House spokeswoman Jen Psaki conceded that the rival Joe Biden doll isn't doing so well in comparison. She expressed hope that a sound box with a switch will allow that toy to give all of Biden's campaign speeches on a single battery charge.

Still selling these to Liberals.

"I think a lot of Democrats are still into buying the Trump voodoo model," Psaki continued. "I am sure once we get our act together, the kiddies will soon be offered Ted Cruz dolls with a detachable beard and Josh Hawley fist-pumping to the sound of YMCA, if Trump sits out 2024."