UnNews:Never Shut Up is trending

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UnFair and UnBalanced UnNews Sunday, March 7, 2021, 00:08:59 (UTC)

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10 January 2021

Wigento, West Virginia -- Arlo Muckup, CEO of the surging social media platform BLSHT explains why it went from being virtually unknown 24 hours ago to one of the leading sites to find, contribute, invent and magnify bullshit.

UnNews: "Mr Muckup, we understand that you have built this site from an unknown URL to its present commanding position as a delivery service of bullshit in a matter of hours. Can you let us in on the secret of your success?"

Arlo Muckup (AM): "Not really much of a secret. You find what people want that's against the law and you sell it to them. Well, not exactly sell it, but you can advertise other stuff that's against the law and they pay you so that they can sell their stuff."

UnNews: "Like pornography, huh?"

AM: "Yeah, but there's no money in that any more. It's not really against the law and pornography sites are really throwing away their best customers. I mean they're deleting all the stuff that people would really pay for and letting all those freeloaders who just like to see naked women and people having sex wear out their eyeballs looking at it. Like a propaganda site for free love now."

UnNews: "It seems like you are aiming for a group that isn't really interested in enjoying life."

AM: "You've got it. Once I found that a whole slice of the population had been convinced that they should be proud of imposing their own fantasies on others I knew there was a market for BLSHT. Donald Trump has done a wonderful job of bringing together every discontented, power-hungry lunatic under the banner of BLSHT. It's a broad church, you see. Everyone has their bad side, and we wouldn't have this continuing difficulty of losing power if only people would let that bad side out. That's why our rallying cry is "Never Shut Up!".

UnNews: "Interesting way of thinking, or not. Can you point to any historical precedents for this way of thinking?"

AM: "Sure. Let me read this out so I get it right. Never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough, people will sooner or later believe it."

UnNews: "Wow. Where did you get this?"

AM: "Oh, some chick at the White House. Forget who. The important thing is that once you've got them, you keep them. Now the ho-hum internet is really designed for people who think about what they do, try to be consistent in their attitudes and behavior. See, people just don't go crazy, snap. It takes some work. That's why it's so hard to fix crazy people. They've been working for years on being the New Messiah or the Master of the Fourteenth Dimension. So they're big time until they decide they're not. Then they're usually in a lot of trouble. They need a place where they can let their inner fantasy take over. I provide this space."

UnNews: "Isn't this a bit dangerous for people who fall on the wrong side of their inner fantasies?"

AM: "People get hurt all the time. I don't tell them to do it, I just let them express their frustrations and feel good about it. They get together on BLSHT, talk each other into a frenzy and if they kind of go over the edge, it's not my fault, I'm just a champion of free speech. As we say, No change without bullshit."

UnNews: "Thanks for your explanation, Arlo. We'll be watching how this new attempt to shout anything you like goes over in the digital space. Next up, Donald Trump explains his statement that 'A violent rioter was shot at the Capitol building, oops, she wasn't black'".


Category:North America