UnNews:Obama lands on comet, taken prisoner by pod people

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Democracy Dies with Dignity ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, April 18, 2024, 18:08:59 (UTC)
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13 November 2014

Pod people aboard the comet point to portions of the President and select "medium well" or "well-done."

DEEP SPACE XI, Milky Way -- U.S. President Barack Obama, responding to losing the Senate and 24 state capitals to a political party that had nothing to say beyond, "We're not Obama," has taken his new Relevance Initiative beyond Central American refugee camps and has landed on the surface of a comet.

Mr. Obama relied on the European Union for travel to the comet, as he had previously re-missioned NASA toward Muslim outreach, all Russian spacecraft are already being leased by the U.S. to take snacks and spare parts to the International Space Station, and the remnants of the U.S. Military are busy catching fighting the Ebola epidemic in Africa. Once the Ersatz II craft achieved a soft landing on the comet, Mr. Obama searched for crowds of people he could still persuade — while, back on Earth, Jonathan Gruber made the President's case worse by admitting that the President's signature health care law was made inscrutable on purpose so that the "stupid" American people would pass it and overpay for insurance to enable new giveaways to basement dwellers.

Senate Majority Leader McConnell quipped that Mr. Obama's tip-off should have been when the banquet keynote was "To Serve Man."

In the shadow of a cliff on the face of comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko, Mr. Obama negotiated a new global warming treaty with alien pod person Xinping XI. It will bind Americans to curtail their lives starting immediately, while "Number Eleven" pledged to stop building new coal plants in ten years or so. A nervous Mr. Obama, chewing gum that he claimed was Nicorette, quickly signed the accord, noting that counting the benefits and deferring the costs was also a key to making the cost of Obama-care slightly less awful than the Bush/Iraq War (until it was discovered that no one was signing up).

However, immediately after the signing ceremony, XI arrested the Chief Executive and marked him for execution. He was paraded in front of other pod people in a prisoner suit, as XI patted him on the head in the middle of a curtsey.

Fortunately, with a new, six-person majority in the U.S. Senate, new Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said he thought he could spare twenty or so Republican Senators to go on a space mission with impossible odds in order to rescue the President. "We have nothing more pressing on our agenda," Sen. McConnell said.

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