UnNews:RoboFeds invade Portland
| The news outlet with approval higher than Congress | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Friday, April 19, 2024, 02:15:59 (UTC) |
| RoboFeds invade Portland | 
|
19 July 2020
PORTLAND, Oregon -- United States Attorney General William Barr confirmed the government has sent in RoboFeds into the city to chase after Antifa, Black Lives Matter and "revolutionary vegans." Barr said the goal was to take back control of the streets; also, to improve President Donald Trump's sagging golf handicap.
The RoboFeds turned up in Portland unannounced, fully armed, and legally trained in case they faced awkward questions. Their all-metal look and finish got all the bad actors off the streets, and back into the theatres where they belonged.
"We are in full control," said a RoboFed who declined to give his serial number or date stamp. "We are from the Department for Black Ops Matter. Who are you? You look like an unruly citizen. Stand still while I call for back-up or I will shoot."
Barr said there was nothing sinister about the RoboFeds, as they were programmed only to kill in defense of Federal facilities. They were also good with children and would make ideal role models for single-parent families. Barr added, "Move along, nothing to see here, folks! (This is what real law enforcement is all about.)"
Sources[edit]
- Staff "Black Ops in Portland". NYMag, July 18, 2020