UnNews:Scientist creates cloaking device, loses it immediately

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"It was just here!," says baffled scientist

The news outlet with approval higher than Congress ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, April 18, 2024, 06:24:59 (UTC)
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27 May 2006

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This device looks suspiciously like Chaim Yankle's Zero Point Energy device... coincidence?

OXFORD UNIVERSITY, England -- Physicist Professor Sir John "Lamb-ikins" Pendry announced a successful test of the ultimate in camoflage: invisibility. It seems the venerable "Star Trek" served as inspiration for yet another modern marvel. "You know, cell phones look an awful lot like the old Star Trek communicators," expounded Professor Pendry. "Ion propulsion, solar sails, Oiuja boards, all began as seeds in the mind of youngsters watching Captain Kirk fight aliens. My personal favorite was always the Klingon's cloaking device, and I thought we should have one for the side of good (i.e., George W. Bush and John Major, the Axis of Feeble)."

The "Cloaking Device", as Pendry calls it, is rendered invisible in all light spectrums when power is applied. "It's bloody amazing!" exclaimed a sexually excited Prime Minister John Major. "Let's see those camel jockeys take out a convoy they can't see! Damn, was the mic on?" The next step will be to restore the device to visibility.

Potential applications such as battlefield camoflage, hide and go seek, and surrepticious enema delivery, have brought the military calling on Pendry, but his breakthrough comes at a high energy cost. Sponsored by Duracell, the test system consumes 1,911 million Watts, requiring 98 million D cell batteries.

An embarrassed Pendry then told reporters a tale of woe. "We went around the corner to a Chip Shop for a little gnosh, when I realized I'd left the power to the device on." They rushed back, only to find the device had permanently disappeared.

The device, essentially a blanket, works through making light flow like water around an object. Unfortunately, after Pendry turned on the device and went to lunch, he forgot where he put it. Pendry stated he would continue to look for it, but had no idea where he left it.

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