UnNews:Spielberg plans WikiLeaks motion picture

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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard ✪ UnNews ✪ Tuesday, April 23, 2024, 19:30:59 (UTC)
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7 March 2011

Spielberg has earned his reputation with more serious films.

HOLLYWOOD, Los Angeles -- Even though the recent WikiLeaks frenzy is yesterday's news in the eyes of some people, movie mogul Steven Spielberg and his company, DreamWorks, have recently bought the rights to a movie adaption of the events.

Spielberg said this about his investment: "I decided to do it because, you know, this is national news, and national news deserves me. I get Oscars, y'know? National news deserves Oscars, y'know? Filming is my passion, and, uh rape and murder and illegal file sharing or whatever he did is that French guy's passion, y'know? I respect that fact, and, uh, I want to respect it even more. Y'know, if he started p***ing on films, my passion, I would really f**k that motherf**ker up, y'know?"

Sources show that the film will be styled as a camp buddy comedy, similar to Dumb and Dumber. Instead of closly following the real life events, the film will replace much of them with gross-out humour, references to films like WarGames and a mysterious "jizz scene". A number of proffesional movie critics have criticised this choice, claiming that it would be better to stay with the standard dramatic tone. Spielberg himself has not released any comments on the matter.

An actor has not yet been officialy given the role of WikiLeaks ringleader Julian Assange. According to a recent Yahoo! poll, the public wants 50 Cent to play the role, with Jack Black and Jennifer Aniston coming in joint second. Aniston tweeted that she would love to play Assange, since it would give her carrer a much-needed boost.

Other information about the film is murky at best. A badly burned tape recording of Spielberg and someone else discussing the film was found at the DreamWorks HQ, but is almost completely indistinguishable. Due to so called "scripting problems", filming won't start until at least mid-2014.

Sources[edit]

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