UnNews:Teens caught in crime cyber gang, Preschoollers believed to be the ring leaders
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Friday, April 19, 2024, 01:58:59 (UTC) |
| Teens caught in crime cyber gang, Preschoollers believed to be the ring leaders | 
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24 June 2010
SURREY, UK -- Startled police arrested two teenagers, who must be left unnamed for legal reasons, in Surrey today as part of a internet credit card theft ring connected to cartels and mobsters.
However, inside sources from inside the Surrey police department believe the teenagers are talking complete b*!!*(k$ and instead believe they are covering for their younger brothers, aged 3 and 5 months respectively.
| “ | It's not uncommon for such bizzare twists in a case like this," said Detective Inspector Samuel Hort, the department's tallest officer, "we often expect the unexpected. Just last week, I arrested a man for murdering a wife he hadn't got. So, you come to see all sorts of strange ones in the field. | ” |
He also went on to tell UnNews that they pursuing every lead, and letting the dogs do all the work for them.
Surrey police released an official statement of the matter saying:
| “ | At 19.53 pm, we arrested two teenagers for internet fraud and lying to the police, though we're not quite sure how. Both boys have previous records for public misconduct, one was drinking battery acid, another eating fireworks. On those allergations, we charged one and let the other one off. | ” |
Lawyer Harvey "Twoface" Dent is quoted by UnNews as saying that the charges are "bogus", and believes all evidence against his clients is "fake and planted". He also said in a press conference shortly after the arrest that "both Sam Snotnose and Lucas McCloud are totally innocent."
The trial hearing set for Friday has been delayed until next century.
Sources[edit]
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |