UnNews:The race to succeed Theresa May starts

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The race to succeed Theresa May starts

Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

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Saturday, June 6, 2020, 20:26:59 (UTC)

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10 June 2019

Conservative MPs standing to become leader of their party and Prime Minister: Top:L-R. Captain Raab C. Brexit, Michael Coca-Brains, Rory 'Orville the Duck' Stewart, Andrea Scaresome, Beaker Hunt. Bottom: L-R: Lord Charles, Shaggy Dog Johnson, Esther Blonde, Token Ethnic Man, Someone I can't remember.

London, United Kingdom -- And...they're off in the Great Tory Derby to succeed Theresa May as British Prime Minister and tell all those foreigners in the European Union to go to hell.

Following months (or years for some) of waiting for Theresa May to fall on her handbag, the Conservative Party now has a chance to provide Summertime political pantomime to entertain the British public.

The front runner is already Shaggy Dog Johnson, followed by Beaker Hunt, Coca-Brains and Token Ethnic Man. Running further back are Raab C. Brexit, Esther Blonde and Andrea Scaresome. The back markers are now Lord Charles and Man Eating an Apple. Still in the race but running the wrong way is the cute Orville, otherwise known as Rory 'Poppy' Stewart.

It's anyone's race to become prime minister, said seasoned political tipsters. Shaggy Dog Johnson was the heavily fancied front runner with a big bet coming in late from the White House. But there are plenty of hurdles for them to fall over before the race is won.

Conservative Party members:'We're well and truly plucked'.

Already three potential runners were put down before the race started. Other contenders are quickly going off the pace and one, Coca-Brains, is currently stuck on the first fence, otherwise known as the Line of Coke. This could be a brutal struggle but only two horses contenders are expected to be still upright when they come around again for a second circuit.

News Flash. The contenders were submitted to a mandatory dope test. All passed. Guilty.