UnNews:Theresa May resigns, finally

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Theresa May resigns, finally

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Monday, August 12, 2019, 10:23:59 (UTC)

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24 May 2019

Theresa May, eyeless in Brexitland.

LONDON, United Kingdom -- Theresa May was finally dragged out of Number 10 today. The British Prime Minister looked greyer than normal as she read her resignation speech. Resignation was inevitable after her Brexit bill was beaten into the ground by an alliance comprising the opposition, the opposition of coalition partners, and the opposition in her own Conservative Party. It was the fourth failure of a master plan for Brexit (the fifth, counting the time she mistakenly slipped into the Parliamentary hopper a copy of a plan that had already been rejected), triggering a tenet of British politics, 'When everyone hates you, it is probably time to go.'

Britain was due to leave the European Union on 29 March, after two years of wrangling and drafting new plans to remain bound to EU regulation. The snap decision to perhaps try again in autumn doomed her position. Support for her 'exclude-us-in-the-EU' plan never came. A sticking point was the fact that Northern Ireland would be 'out,' the rest of Ireland would be 'in,' and no one wanted Customs booths to inspect oxcarts of crisps in prohibited flavours.

May has now left office to spend more time on long walking holidays. May blamed everyone for the failure except the fact that she had the charisma of a malfunctioning robot. She might write a memoir, except that the title What Happened? has already been taken.

Boris Johnson is now the Conservative Party's hot favourite to succeed May. That he has a lurid love life to match his friend President Donald Trump will be regarded as an 'asset' by voters who like a colourful Prime Minister. However, Johnson had voted for Theresa May's failed deal, and so for Brexit purists, he has soiled his patriotic underpants.

Other rivals to Johnson include a lot of male suits and women going in for power dressing. An outside candidate could be Nigel Farage, ex-leader of UKIP, whose sole proprietorship is now named the 'Brexit Party.' Britain has dawdled long enough without seceding that it is now time to elect a European Parliament, and the Brexit Party is in the lead, suggesting that Britain will send many MEPs to Brussels to argue that the EU should secede from itself.

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