UnNews:Trump grasping at laws

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A newsstand that's brimming with issues UnNews Sunday, March 7, 2021, 00:11:59 (UTC)

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20 December 2020

DT assesses the arguments for repairing the election.

Washington, D.C. -- As the term of the 45th President of the United States of America hastens toward its constitutionally specified end, Donald Trump, that very number 45, is still working to avoid his imminent eviction. The following recording of a midnight meeting in the Oval Office has emerged and may explain the next moves in this tense Mexican American political standoff. Individuals have been identified only by their initials to avoid potential black white ops aimed at UnNews.

DT: "Okay, Team Trump. We're one month away from this fake inauguration and not one of you has gotten anywhere near overturning this lousy election. I told you we should have changed the requirements for voting. White, male, MAGA cap and carrying at least one firearm. Did you listen? All I got was a lot of whining about the constitution and universal franchise. Now what are we going to do about these treacherous states that didn't vote for me? Can we sort of take them over?

SP: "A wonderful idea, Commander Trump. There are certainly legal precedents for this. Why martial law was declared when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor."

RM: "We're not actually at war with Japan anymore."

MF: "But this is a great opportunity. We could take over those states, just the ones that voted treasonously, and grab all the ballots and voting machines. Can't we just drop a few bombs on Japan and start it up again?"

DT: "That's the way. I've got a dream team of hackers cyber security experts who say they can make computers do anything they tell them to."

MP1: "You mean those guys sitting out in the snow in the Rose Garden speaking Russian and drinking vodka?"

DT: "All good Americans. I've granted them temporary citizenship. We can finally prove that all of those Biden votes were programmed in."

CM: "You're going to have some trouble with the armed forces. They aren't too happy with having their fallen comrades called 'losers'. Plus we haven't really gotten them onside as an arm of the Republican party."

DT: "How about I appoint new leaders? Plenty of good Americans out there who won't let all this constitutional blarney get in the way of telling the armed forces to do what I want."

KM: "I can cover that one. Despicable, treacherous heads of the armed services replaced with real American heros."

SP: "Of course. We'll have to disband the legislature and the Supreme Court."

DT: "Yeah. I've been talking about this with a few other first class world leaders. They know what they're doing with people who don't like them. Can't wait to throw a few of those Supreme Court justices in jail. I gave 'em jobs and are they grateful?"

MP2: "Perhaps we should consider the geopolitical repercussions of rebranding the United States as a one party dictatorship."

SP: "In times of national emergency such as the present, only losers distract themselves with trivia like world peace and prosperity. We have an election to fix."

DT: "Hey, how would you like a job as AG? That weakling that I just got rid of was always too fixated on rules of evidence and that stuff. And I forgive you for saying that I'm not Donald Trump."

SP: "Commander, as the state of the union is what you say it is, so the law shall be what I say it is. Why we could secede from the USA, have another civil war in which we would easily triumph over the Democrats and set the new USA on a proper foundation. It's the way they run elections in quite a few places."

DT: "Now you're talking. Hey, what are you guys leaving for? Nobody say anything about this. I'm declaring it all top secret. Okay, how do we start putting the right people in the right places?"

Sources[edit]

Category:North America