UnNews:Tulsi lawsuit against Hillary thrown out

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Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? UnNews Monday, September 28, 2020, 09:16:59 (UTC)

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22 January 2020

Rep. Gabbard's notion of a Democratic candidate for President who is not a frumpy seventy-something but an attractive military veteran may violate the law in several other ways.

NEW YORK CITY -- The presiding judge in U.S. District Court here has thrown out a lawsuit filed by Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D-HI) against Hillary Clinton.

The suit charges that her remarks in October 2019 were "defamatory." Hillary, speaking to Obama adviser David Plouffe on the Campaign HQ podcast, had called Rep. Gabbard a Russian "asset."

"I think they’ve got their eye on somebody who’s currently in the Democratic primary, and are grooming her to be the third-party candidate....She’s the favorite of the Russians, they have a bunch of sites and bots and other ways of supporting her." Although Hillary did not name Rep. Gabbard, none of the other candidates in the race self-identify as female, though several may come out just before the New Hampshire primary on February 11.

Rep. Gabbard's lawsuit sought actual damages of $50 million, and at least another $50 million for "malicious and unrepentant conduct." Rep. Gabbard also cut short her campaign for re-election to the House of Representatives to aim for the Presidency, and seeks for Hillary to give her a House seat.

The judge, however, cited Rep. Gabbard's fourteenth-place standing in the polls and her inability to raise enough campaign contributions to qualify for the two most recent television debates. He said, "The brief notoriety that the Former First Lady gave to the plaintiff was the most valuable asset in her entire campaign," though the lawsuit itself is a close second.

Hillary stated that she would file a countersuit to collect a consulting fee for the publicity Rep. Gabbard received. The countersuit would give Hillary a forum to deny that she is still obsessed and vindictive over her loss to Donald Trump in 2016 — which might wind up in fewer than the 24 hours alloted to the opening statements in Trump's impeachment trial — and would also contest Rep. Gabbard's claim that Hillary "reserves a special hatred and animosity for Tulsi," who gave the nomination speech for Bernie Sanders at the 2016 convention, and that she is malicious and unrepentant. Hillary said she is often repentant, and once traveled to Fort Marcy Park to apologize in person to Vince Foster's corpse. The countersuit will also demand that Rep. Gabbard say what she did with those strawberries.

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Nixon ID'd as secret Russian asset

Rep. Gabbard's lawsuit occurred in the same week that Sen. Martha McSally (R-AZ) called CNN reporter Manu Raju a "hack," Mark Levin referred to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez as a "barely literate moron" and Trump retweeted it, and Trump himself called Rep. Gerry Nadler a "sleaze-bag." As the line of lawyers seeking to refute these charges began to extend past the courtroom doors, the judge asked each one to please take a number.