UnNews:Volunteer sex educator quits

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5 December 2020

The perils of unwise advertising.

Gloucestershire, UK -- Teah Vincent, recently cleared of a charge of knowingly having sex with an underage person, has announced that she will not be pursuing her career as a sex educator.

UnNews: "Ms Vincent, you have stated that your foray into voluntary sex education has ruined your life. Could you give us a bit of detail on this?"

Teah Vincent (TV): "It was really terrible. I mean here I was trying to perform a service for the community and I end up before the courts as though I'm dragging schoolboys off the street and having my way with them all day long."

UnNews: "Apparently you misjudged the age of your student."

TV: "You know what teenagers are like, always trying to be the big man. How was I to know that he was just an early developer?"

UnNews: "It has been reported that this young fellow will be permanently traumatized by the terrifying experience that he suffered."

TV: "That's not the picture I got. He seemed to be pretty enthusiastic about the whole affair and I wouldn't be surprised if he told all of his friends as soon as he could. He's probably the hero of his class now."

UnNews: "So you think that he really wasn't grateful for the extra curricular education?"

TV: "My fellow voluntary sex educators have told me that they are usually showered with praise by their students and really don't have to recruit more students because the word of mouth advertising keeps them quite busy. Why as soon as one football player has been suitably enlightened, you've got the whole team knocking on your door."

UnNews: "Perhaps you can only help those teenage boys who will appreciate your efforts in future."

TV: "No way. I've gotten a bit of an education myself. They're as keen as mustard until they've had a lesson or two, then they're off. And if the word gets out, it's all my fault. I'm beginning to think that teenage boys are only interested in a quickie when one comes up for grabs. You know, I even think that a lot of older men aren't much different."

UnNews: "And what are your plans now?"

TV: "I've decided that I can't really put this on my CV to recommend me for other sorts of work. Well, at least work that I would like to take up. I mean if I wanted to teach something else like sports education I think that something like this would kind of work against me."

UnNews: "Thank you Ms Vincent. I'm sure that our readers will be fascinated to know how something as highly regarded as sex education can turn out to be more than you expected."

  • LATE BREAKING NEWS!

Ms Vincent has announced that she will be moving her services online in order to avoid any possible problems with COVID-19.

TV: "Yes, I'm making the transition to remote learning for any young fellows who may be intimidated by person to person education. Stay tuned for my [[1]] new channel!

Sources[edit]

Category:UK