Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/April 1

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Rioters run wild

April 1: April Fools Day

  • 1926 - April Emily Fools is born to Herb and Emma Fools in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Human agents of Cthulhu take notice and report to headquarters.
  • 1930 - April begins her life outside the limelight when her sister Judith is born. Inhuman agents of Cthulhu are sent to Milwaukee.
  • 1938 - At the age of twelve, Fools first shows an interest in baking when she helps her grandmother, the well-known Rose Fools, bake cookies. The Million Favored Ones steal cookies but all are eaten before being brought before Cthulhu.
  • 1942 - April suffers her first true heartbreak when her sister Judith makes the cheerleading squad over her, gets the lead in the school play, and steals her boyfriend Johnny on the same day. This is all part of the plan of dark forces to drive April insane. Instead she gets angry, taking it out on a tree on the way home from school that is actually the Dunwich Horror in disguise.
  • 1944 - Fools lands her first job, working at a tank tread manufacturing plant in downtown Milwaukee. A group of Azagoths attempt to kidnap April, but are squashed in their hiding place by a tank tread.
  • 1947 - After a lengthy engagement, April marries Albert Cranston in Madison, Wisconsin.
  • 1952 - Upon the suggestion of a friend, April begins a small baked goods business from her own kitchen. Cthonians are tasked with stealing more cookies but pig out and end up exploding two blocks from the house.
  • 1955 - April and Albert welcome their first child into the world: Richard Cranston, named after his paternal grandfather. Cthulhu's minions attempt to kidnap the child during a thunderstorm, but a suspiciously well-placed lightning bolt stops the scheme cold.
  • 1957 - The Cranston family welcomes their second child, Judy. An attempt to kidnap her is foiled when Voormi are crippled by Legos left on the floor by Richard.
  • 1964 - Albert's job as a box factory floor supervisor requires the Cranstons to relocate to Fargo, North Dakota. This is all part of the plan to lure April to the Arctic stronghold of the Elder Gods.
  • 1970 - April enjoys what she would later describe as 'the rush of a lifetime' when appearing on a local television program instructing children how to bake brownies. The agents of Cthulhu completely miss this as they are watching cartoons on a different channel.
  • 1978 - Albert and April become grandparents to Henry Cranston. Lincoln Logs, slip and fall, blah, blah, blah.
  • 1994 - April Emily Fools-Cranston passes away in her hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Her birthday is declared a national holiday. Cthulhu returns to his underwater lair but not before firing all his inhuman resources staff.