August 11: Sexual Harassment in the Workplace Day
- 1492 - Alexander VI is elected Pope. He becomes known for making lewd and improper suggestions to the cardinals.
- 1700 - William of Orange initiates the 'Glorious 12th'. On this day the tradition of shooting peasants on this day is changed to killing game birds.
- 1858 - The first ascent of the Eiger. After this ascent, an Eiger counter keeps track.
- 1966 - John Lennon holds a press conference apologizing for stating that the Beatles were "more popular than Jesus." He clarifies, "I meant to say we were more popular than Mohammed."
- 1967 - M.C. Escher draws a map for visiting tourists looking for museums. He is reported pleased when he learns they are spotted by the Surveyor 3 spacecraft after it lands on the Moon.
- 1969 - The first men land on the moon. While collecting moon rocks, Neil Armstrong "accidentally" rubs up against Buzz Aldrin.
- 1972 - The last United States ground combat unit departs South Vietnam. Says an Army spokesman, "Thank goodness we've learned our lesson! No more pointless guerilla wars without an exit strategy for us!"
- 1993 - President Bill Clinton takes an interest in the new White House secretary.
- 2004 - Bill O'Reilly makes several drunken phone calls. He later wakes up to discover that he is the now the Democratic Representative for New Hampshire, and president of the international Gay and Lesbian Alliance.
- 2006 - Harry Whittington declines to play naked Twister with Dick Cheney. Instead, the two embark on a quail hunt where Dick shoots Harry, claiming it was an accident.