Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 7
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August 7: Anniversary of the Day The Matrix Stopped Being Cool
- 1458 - Math matrices (invented August 6, 1458 on a geometrically shaped island in the Sea of Equations) are deemed annoying. This results in the beginning of mathematicians' decline from 'revered intellectuals' to 'irritating know-it-alls', and eventually to their current status, 'dusty old codgers'.
- 1947 - Albert Einstein recasts his Theory of Hammer Time into the more comprehensive Theory of Bullet Time.
- 1972 - Art Fry invents the Post-It note, completing the holy triumvirate of the cubicle and the Rolodex. He immediately ascends to heaven for making the 3M company billions and is given a $5 McDonald's coupon and a cheesy plastic coffee cup.
- 1984 - Keanu Reeves takes his first 3-day-long acting class. He likes it so much he takes it again. And again. And again.
- 1994 - Chaos ensues when two albino twins materialize inside a Ford Bronco with O.J. Simpson inside.
- 2000 - Multiple clones of Agent Smith go to the polls and make Hugo Weaving the president of the United States.
- 2003 - The Matrix Revolutions kills millions of moviegoers worldwide outright. Assisted suicide advocates set up stands outside theaters handing out free poisoned Kool Aid to anyone leaving the venues.
- 2003 - An adolescent who, for no reason at all, starts mimicking the slow-motion bullet dodge from the first Matrix film on a bus, is appalled to discover that his fellow passengers are not immediately breaking out in applause and high-fives, as is usual whenever any reference to The Matrix is made by anyone at any time.
- 2004 - A suburban family, watching a toothpaste advertisement featuring characters in black leather doing kung-fu, lets out a bored sigh in complete unison.
- 2005 - A stand-up comedian, beginning a joke with the words 'You take the blue pill', is booed offstage and has his car tires slashed.
- 2006 - A man is kicked to death for saying 'Whoa' in a Keanu-esque fashion.
- 2014 - Cyberpunk writer William Gibson sends virtual flying monkeys after the Wachowskis.